Titles - Good or Bad?

As there are several of the readers of this blog who are young people and/or single people, I wanted to write another piece on dating/relationships.  This time I want to take a look at titles.  There is always that question of what should we call each other.  Is he your boyfriend?  Are y'all just friends?  What does it mean?  How do we define exactly what we are?  I have come to the conclusion that sometimes fitting things into a neat box doesn't really work.  I asked DD about her thoughts on titles and here is what she had to say.

DD - People want to know.  Your friends, family, co-workers, etc. want to know what's going on with you and your "love life."  But what if you don't even know?  What if you're still figuring things out and can't even define it yourself?  Then who wants to give a long-winded explanation about what the state of your relationship is or isn't?  That's what Facebook deems "it's complicated."  Now if you fit neatly into a "box" or an exact title relates to you like single, engaged, or married, it makes the titling process much easier.  But life isn't always black and white.  Life has plenty of areas of grey--especially in the realm of relationships.  But in the grand scheme of things, how important are titles?  What's actually important is what's really going on between two people.  Are you having a good time with the other person?  Does that other person add value to your life?  Do they make you laugh?  Are you able to enjoy same activities together?  Have you both gone through the same experience and can relate to one another?  Does the other person make you a better person?  Do you feel special when you are with the other person?  Are you happier because the other person is in your life?  If the answer is yes to some or even most of these questions, isn't that way more important than what you call that person?  Your actions and habits will be way more telling to your friends, family members, co-workers, etc.  They will know what kind of impact the the other person is making in your life by your actions, attitude, and outlook.  They will know the person you spend the most of your time with is your "Number 1." :-)
     
Thank you DD for your thoughts and I totally agree.  Instead of, "Is he my boyfriend?"  Ask the question, "Does he treat me in a way that makes me feel special?"  If you can't answer a lot of those types of questions, the issue of a relationship should take care of itself.

I would also like to add that I think defining how you want to be treated is a very good thing.  If you are dating someone and you think that the two of you are not seeing anyone else, that probably needs to be communicated.  In today's society, it's important for him to know if you expect him to open the car door or if you want to open it yourself.  Now that is a pretty small thing but if it's something important you should talk about it.  There are others.  You should expect him to treat you with respect on every level.  Also, guys, she should treat you with respect.  What does that look like?  That's really for you to decide.  You should spend time thinking about how you want to be treated instead of you what you want be called.

And that's an Opinion of the Minion

Changing You

As I sit here working on a project that the Lord has placed in my heart, I believe he gave me something for this blog.  Today I want to talk about change.

As many of you know, I used to weigh 350 pounds.  I lost a lot of weight and am certainly a different man today.  I am so thankful to God that he got me from where I was to where I am.  But there was a part of that journey that really hit home to me this morning.

See, I was like most people who have weight issues.  I tried every diet that I could think of and most more than once trying to loose weight but I couldn't do it.  I tried Atkins (more than once before it actually worked).  I tried counting calories.  I even tried some 30 year old three day diet that my boss had.  None of them worked.  Here is the hardest part.  Every time I started one of those diets, I would make it a point to tell everyone that I was going on the diet.  I would start all of them with good intentions.  When we went out to eat, I would eat whatever was on the diet of the day.  I could normally stick with it for at least a few days.  Occasionally I would make it a week or two before I fell off the wagon.

I was also the king of starting a diet "tomorrow" or "next week."  I would even tell my friends this.  Several times I would decide right before Thanksgiving that I was going on a diet.  I was married then and my ex-wife's family had a massive gathering at our house.  Now they always brought that good Paula Dean kind of food.  I recently heard someone say that she wasn't a chef because of what she cooked.  Well if you are from the south, you know that her food will put a smile on your face that Ajax won't take off.  Lynn's family always had the best turkey and dressing with all the trimmings plus the best homemade desserts in the world.  Now obviously I couldn't really start a diet on that day so it was always going to start the day after Thanksgiving.  It never did.

Eventually, I think my friends and family refused to believe me when I said I was starting a diet.  They had good reason not to believe based on what they were seeing from me.  After all, I never kept my word about the diet.  Not once.  So most people didn't believe me.

One day, I told my trainer JC (no not Jesus Christ - but maybe I should start more training with Him) I was going on a diet.  He told me something that still resonates with me today.  Now I pay my trainer to train me and I am certainly not used to people I pay talking to me in this manner but he was right.  He said, "Tommy, you are full of sh*&.  Don't ever lie to my face again about dieting.  When you get tired of being fat, you won't be fat anymore and you won't have to tell anyone.  They will know."  He was exactly right.

I never told anyone I was going on a diet again.  As I started losing weight, people would notice and say something to me.  See, I didn't have to work to get someone to see what I wanted them to.  I just did it and they saw the result.

I said all that to say this.  When you get tired of whatever issue you are facing, go to God and ask for his help overcoming it.  The two of you will beat anything that you want to get rid of.  But many times when you make that decision, people won't get excited about it.  That's OK.  It's your vision for your life not theirs.  Don't worry about it.  Once you decide to change something, just cling to your decision with all your might.  I don't even think you need to tell anyone that you decided to change.  Just make the change and everyone else around you will see it.  And remember, God is right there to help you through any problem or area of life you want to change.  He won't do everything for you but he will supply what you need to change your life.

I want to encourage you today.  What area are you facing that you want to change?  Take it to God and get his direction.  Then just go about changing.  Don't tell anyone - just do it.  When the results are shown, people will see it.  But know this - You and God can overcome any challenge you face.  Well, once again, I have blogged myself happy.

That's another Opinion of the Minion.