What is the Definition of You?

Hi Guys and Gals,

While DD and I are working on the next part of Friendship vs. Dating, I wanted to take a few minutes to discuss who defines you?  I was asked by a friend of the Minion,  MW, to write about this subject.  MW, thank you so much for your encouragement on FaceBook.  I really appreciate it.

So lets talk about it.  What is the definition of You?  One definition is "used to indicate a specific individual."  This is from The American Heritage Dictionary.  That doesn't tell me anything about you so it's not very helpful.  Since the dictionary can't help where do we turn?  Should we turn to the people around us?  How about our parents?  How about the people we work with?  Can they give us a good definition of who we are?

I think we look to the people around us a lot.  And while they may know some things about us, I don't think they are the best place to look.  This article was started based on "The Football Player Who Couldn't Play."  In it, I talked about wanting to play football but being a terrible player.  I thought that I would be in the right crowd if I was a player.  Why did I think that?  Because most of the popular kids in school were football players.  I was letting the people around me define what I should be.  In that case, it was a bad thing.  What if people say that to be in the right crowd, I have to do drugs or have sex?  Then I can only define myself as "good" if I am doing drugs and having sex.  Does that sound crazy?  It should because it is.

Now, lets move forward a few years.  When are parents talk about being successful, many times they want us to be doctors or lawyers and it seems like that is a good standard for defining whether or not you are a "success."  So maybe, we can look to the world's standard to define us or at least who we should be.  So let me tell you something personal about me.  I am a lawyer.  At least I have a law license.  I have passed the bar exam in Texas.  So the good news is that based using worldly standards, I can define myself as a success right.  Absolutely wrong.  Being a lawyer, doctor, janitor, policeman, or a dentist doesn't define me or you.

So we have looked at the crowd we hang out around and "the worldly standard" to define us without finding a good place.  Where should we look next?

As you can probably guess, this is where I was headed all along.  Especially if you are a Christian, you should look at that book we carry to church on Sunday.  I can tell you some things from that book about you.

1.  You are loved.  God has an intense burning love for you.  He isn't sitting back trying how to knock you down, he is sitting back waiting for you to take him up on his promises.  His love is more passionate for you than words can describe.  Did you know his heart aches just to spend time with you and tell you much he loves and admires you?

2.  You are headed to Heaven when you are done here.  I have never been but the Bible describes it as a pretty cool place.

3.  You can overcome every trial.  The bible says that we overcome the world by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.

Well, you get the point.  I could go on for pages defining you from the bible.

"OK Mr. Minion, that's fine," you say, "but how do I know who I am and what I am supposed to do here on earth?  How do I know what I am supposed to like and not like, etc.?"  Who defines that part of us?  The answer is a little hard to swallow.  It's not your parents, your family, your friends or anyone else.  Who defines you? - The answer is You should define yourself and no one else.  Why?  Because no one can truly look inside your box and see all that is there besides you.  Even if your family and friends have your best interest at heart, they cannot define you.  The don't have the ability to do that.  Who you are is something between you and God.  Just like me playing football (or at least being on the team) you are the only one who knows what you really like.

I can't tell you how often I have heard a boy or girl say they liked something their boyfriend or girlfriend did just to get approval from them.  You cannot define who you are to get approval from someone else.  If you do that, you miss out on so much of the great potential God as deposited in your life.  Guess what, no matter how hard you try to be liked by doing what other people like or saying what they say, some peole won't like you.  This past weekend, I ran into a guy who has hated me for 10 years.  No matter what I say or do, I can't change that. 

When I went to law school, most of my family didn't believe that I would make it through.  I am not saying that they didn't have a reason to believe that.  Because based on my performance at college, they were expecting me to do the same thing and I would have failed.  If I had listened to them, I would never have even tried to go to school, much less graduate has high in my class as I did.  Am I saying that to brag?  No.  I am telling you this to say, don't let anyone else define you because their definition will be incomplete at best and completely wrong at worst.  They will miss some of the great things inside of you.

Let me close by saying, dare to step outside of the shadows of what other people think.  Dare to step outside of what society thinks.  Step up and be what you want you to be.  You will be much happier if you do.

And that's another Opinion of the Minion

Friendship vs. Dating

Today, I am going to try something new.  I want to discuss the topic of Friendship vs. Dating relationships.  I don’t have a lot of dating experience but I think something is missing from the process.  See, I want to have a relationship that stories are written about.  I want to be in love with a woman so deeply that I hurt when she is away from me but I am glad she is doing things that fulfill her life.  When I wake up in the morning, I want to be so in love that I stare at her as she sleeps and just wish for five more minutes to look at her.  I want her, not just her body.  I want what she thinks, how she makes me feel, and how she makes me a better person.  I want to be around a woman who feels the same way about me.  Is this possible, I believe it still is.  I just think we have lost sight of how to get there. 

I also want great friendships with people who know me really well.  One day, I want to say I have known that person for 50 years.  I want to be around people who enjoy life.  How do I find those relationships and will I know when I do?

To really be fair to both guys and gals, I want to bring in a good friend of mine, DD (DD is a woman), to help me discuss this topic and give you a woman’s perspective on our discussion.  This will take more than one post so let’s get started.

To begin with let’s start with the question of just friends or something more?  I asked DD her perspective and here’s what she had to say.  In any relationship we have goals, while these goals are not written down on a piece of paper, they are there whether we realize it or not.  For instance, when you meet a new friend, you might hope that they are someone you can confide in about boys or girls.  You might hope they can be on your baseball team, or whatever.  If you meet someone you want to date, one goal of a physical relationship at some point.  It might not be on the first date or even by the tenth date but at some point, your goal/intention is to hold hands, kiss, cuddle, etc.

I struggled with this definition until I realized that there is an emotional connection that goes along with dating.  I am not totally sure what the emotional connection is but I know it is there.  Men, realize this, whether or not you want to believe it, you were created as an emotional being.  We all know that men and women are different but what we don’t realize is that somewhere along the way men and women were trained to be more different than they actually are.  Men, emotions signal needs.  Whether or not you like this, it’s true.  Think of it this way, if your stomach tells you that you are hungry, you can choose to ignore the signals from your stomach but it will not change the fact that you are in need of food.  If you ignore the signals from your stomach long enough, you will starve to death.

It’s the same thing with your other emotions.  Men, we have emotions.  Over many generations, we have been trained to ignore them.  We are supposed to be Mufasa, the Lion King.  We are supposed to roar and protect the pride.  But yet, we are not supposed to feel anything.  That is why we don’t connect with girls like we really want.

Before we go further with this, I want to take a minute for DD to give you her initial thoughts on this subject. DD, welcome to the Opinion of the Minion.

DD says - I think there is an emotional development or connection in both types of relationships.  Say you just made a new girlfriend and you confided in her about what guy you liked and the two of you plot, plan, and giggle about how to get the guy to notice you or ask you out.  That is developing an emotional bond between you and your friend.  You trust her to keep that confidential information to herself—not tell the entire school or worse, the guy.  If she did tell someone, you might feel betrayed and hurt.  An example for dating is if a guy kissed you for the first time, said he would call you then next day and didn’t.  You would likely feel disappointment and hurt. 

The Minion – When DD and I began to discuss this subject, her insights really taught me something.  Obviously, she will explore this topic more with us as we go along.  I want to keep this first segment a little short and because DD and I do not consider ourselves experts, we would like to hear from you about what you think the differences are between being friends and dating.  You can address your comments to either of us.  If you have a personal question you would like either of us to answer, please feel free to e-mail either:

Minion@theopinionoftheminion.com or
DD@theopinionoftheminion.com 

And that’s an Opinion from two Minions