Today I want to talk about something I have heard more than once. Have you ever heard the saying, "Nice guys finish last"? Well I have and for a long time I sort of thought it was true. But I have to tell you that at age 40, that's not true at all.
Before we get to the nice guy part, which I may have to address in the next blog, we need to distinguish between being nice and being a door mat for other people. See for many years I considered myself a nice guy and I really am one. Before everyone gets all wound up, I don't say that with conceit in my heart. If you asked my mom or any of my friends they would probably tell you the same thing. If you asked God I know he would tell you that.
So as a nice guy, here is the mistake that I made. I have always wanted to be considered one of the good guys. Several months ago I started dating an amazing woman and I have met several of her friends and family. They all seem to have a very high opinion of me and that really blesses me. It doesn't bless me because I want everyone to think highly of me, although I do. It blesses me because it says that there is evidence of me becoming the person I have always wanted and that other people can see the evidence. That is truly a blessing.
However, for many years I thought that I was only a nice guy if everyone else around me said so. In other words if I did something that was unpleasant to someone else and they didn't like me, it meant that I was not a nice guy. Let me give you an extreme example. This example is made up and I would not have felt bad about it but hopefully you will see my point. If a guy was robbing a gas station, I might not have called the police because I was afraid the guy holding up the gas station would not like me. If he didn't like me then I must not be a nice guy because my definition of being a nice guy centered around everyone else liking me. That sounds pretty silly right! Of course it is! But how about me letting people use me occasionally and take advantage of my generosity because I didn't want them to get mad at me? That happened a few times. Now if you are my friend and/or family, I am not pointing fingers at anyone and I am not thinking of anyone specifically so please don't feel like this is pointed at you.
I can even give you bible reference for some of my problem. Jesus said if a man asks you to go a mile, go two. Now we all know that Jesus is love so he must be a nice guy. If Jesus said to do it, then I should do it. After all, I am trying to imitate Jesus. Or how about the time Jesus said, blessed are the peace makers. Jesus also said that strife was bad. So my philosophy was to keep the peace, avoid strife and give more to people than what they asked. Sounds good right? Well, I got very out of balance in this area and it took me several years to understand this.
So what is the difference between the two situations I discussed. When I talked about people who think I am a nice guy, I know that I am one. Wether or not someone else notices doesn't change that fact. In the other case, I used what others thought to define me.
So what am I trying to say? Before I get to whether or not nice guys finish last, we have to define "nice guy." A nice guy is someone who is helpful to others, respectful, caring, understanding, etc. Now I may not be all of those things yet but I am striving to be. Just because everyone doesn't like me or I do something that makes someone else unhappy, doesn't make me any less of a nice guy. I guess this all gets back to defining yourself by who you are and what the bible says you are, not what other people think of you. Next time I will talk about whether or not nice guys finish last.
That's another Opinion of the Minion
Before we get to the nice guy part, which I may have to address in the next blog, we need to distinguish between being nice and being a door mat for other people. See for many years I considered myself a nice guy and I really am one. Before everyone gets all wound up, I don't say that with conceit in my heart. If you asked my mom or any of my friends they would probably tell you the same thing. If you asked God I know he would tell you that.
So as a nice guy, here is the mistake that I made. I have always wanted to be considered one of the good guys. Several months ago I started dating an amazing woman and I have met several of her friends and family. They all seem to have a very high opinion of me and that really blesses me. It doesn't bless me because I want everyone to think highly of me, although I do. It blesses me because it says that there is evidence of me becoming the person I have always wanted and that other people can see the evidence. That is truly a blessing.
However, for many years I thought that I was only a nice guy if everyone else around me said so. In other words if I did something that was unpleasant to someone else and they didn't like me, it meant that I was not a nice guy. Let me give you an extreme example. This example is made up and I would not have felt bad about it but hopefully you will see my point. If a guy was robbing a gas station, I might not have called the police because I was afraid the guy holding up the gas station would not like me. If he didn't like me then I must not be a nice guy because my definition of being a nice guy centered around everyone else liking me. That sounds pretty silly right! Of course it is! But how about me letting people use me occasionally and take advantage of my generosity because I didn't want them to get mad at me? That happened a few times. Now if you are my friend and/or family, I am not pointing fingers at anyone and I am not thinking of anyone specifically so please don't feel like this is pointed at you.
I can even give you bible reference for some of my problem. Jesus said if a man asks you to go a mile, go two. Now we all know that Jesus is love so he must be a nice guy. If Jesus said to do it, then I should do it. After all, I am trying to imitate Jesus. Or how about the time Jesus said, blessed are the peace makers. Jesus also said that strife was bad. So my philosophy was to keep the peace, avoid strife and give more to people than what they asked. Sounds good right? Well, I got very out of balance in this area and it took me several years to understand this.
So what is the difference between the two situations I discussed. When I talked about people who think I am a nice guy, I know that I am one. Wether or not someone else notices doesn't change that fact. In the other case, I used what others thought to define me.
So what am I trying to say? Before I get to whether or not nice guys finish last, we have to define "nice guy." A nice guy is someone who is helpful to others, respectful, caring, understanding, etc. Now I may not be all of those things yet but I am striving to be. Just because everyone doesn't like me or I do something that makes someone else unhappy, doesn't make me any less of a nice guy. I guess this all gets back to defining yourself by who you are and what the bible says you are, not what other people think of you. Next time I will talk about whether or not nice guys finish last.
That's another Opinion of the Minion
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