Friendship vs. Dating

Today, I am going to try something new.  I want to discuss the topic of Friendship vs. Dating relationships.  I don’t have a lot of dating experience but I think something is missing from the process.  See, I want to have a relationship that stories are written about.  I want to be in love with a woman so deeply that I hurt when she is away from me but I am glad she is doing things that fulfill her life.  When I wake up in the morning, I want to be so in love that I stare at her as she sleeps and just wish for five more minutes to look at her.  I want her, not just her body.  I want what she thinks, how she makes me feel, and how she makes me a better person.  I want to be around a woman who feels the same way about me.  Is this possible, I believe it still is.  I just think we have lost sight of how to get there. 

I also want great friendships with people who know me really well.  One day, I want to say I have known that person for 50 years.  I want to be around people who enjoy life.  How do I find those relationships and will I know when I do?

To really be fair to both guys and gals, I want to bring in a good friend of mine, DD (DD is a woman), to help me discuss this topic and give you a woman’s perspective on our discussion.  This will take more than one post so let’s get started.

To begin with let’s start with the question of just friends or something more?  I asked DD her perspective and here’s what she had to say.  In any relationship we have goals, while these goals are not written down on a piece of paper, they are there whether we realize it or not.  For instance, when you meet a new friend, you might hope that they are someone you can confide in about boys or girls.  You might hope they can be on your baseball team, or whatever.  If you meet someone you want to date, one goal of a physical relationship at some point.  It might not be on the first date or even by the tenth date but at some point, your goal/intention is to hold hands, kiss, cuddle, etc.

I struggled with this definition until I realized that there is an emotional connection that goes along with dating.  I am not totally sure what the emotional connection is but I know it is there.  Men, realize this, whether or not you want to believe it, you were created as an emotional being.  We all know that men and women are different but what we don’t realize is that somewhere along the way men and women were trained to be more different than they actually are.  Men, emotions signal needs.  Whether or not you like this, it’s true.  Think of it this way, if your stomach tells you that you are hungry, you can choose to ignore the signals from your stomach but it will not change the fact that you are in need of food.  If you ignore the signals from your stomach long enough, you will starve to death.

It’s the same thing with your other emotions.  Men, we have emotions.  Over many generations, we have been trained to ignore them.  We are supposed to be Mufasa, the Lion King.  We are supposed to roar and protect the pride.  But yet, we are not supposed to feel anything.  That is why we don’t connect with girls like we really want.

Before we go further with this, I want to take a minute for DD to give you her initial thoughts on this subject. DD, welcome to the Opinion of the Minion.

DD says - I think there is an emotional development or connection in both types of relationships.  Say you just made a new girlfriend and you confided in her about what guy you liked and the two of you plot, plan, and giggle about how to get the guy to notice you or ask you out.  That is developing an emotional bond between you and your friend.  You trust her to keep that confidential information to herself—not tell the entire school or worse, the guy.  If she did tell someone, you might feel betrayed and hurt.  An example for dating is if a guy kissed you for the first time, said he would call you then next day and didn’t.  You would likely feel disappointment and hurt. 

The Minion – When DD and I began to discuss this subject, her insights really taught me something.  Obviously, she will explore this topic more with us as we go along.  I want to keep this first segment a little short and because DD and I do not consider ourselves experts, we would like to hear from you about what you think the differences are between being friends and dating.  You can address your comments to either of us.  If you have a personal question you would like either of us to answer, please feel free to e-mail either:

Minion@theopinionoftheminion.com or
DD@theopinionoftheminion.com 

And that’s an Opinion from two Minions

About the Minion

A couple of days ago, I posted on FaceBook and asked for you to give me some suggestions for Opinions.  Well, most of you asked personal questions about me, about what I like or don't like.  So, I am going to take a few minutes and tell you a little about me.  There are a few conditions though:

1.  Since I am telling you about me, I want to know more about you.  Sound off and give me your opinions on these things.
2.  There are some things you asked about that are more serious topics so I will save those for separate Opinions.
3.  As I am sure most of you know, I am just a normal guy and not associated with the movie.  These are just the things at I like personally.

So without further delay, let's get to it.

1.  MIG - Favorite Food? - I like all kinds of food now but my all time favorite is pepperoni pizza.

2.  HBR - Drama - I will do another Opinion dealing with how to handle real life drama at some point.  I am not big on drama in my personal life although I get plenty of it.  In the movies, I am not a real big fan of dramas either.  However, a friend of mine "made" me watch a movie called, "The Notebook."  I have to say, that was one of the best movies I have ever watched.  I am a sucker for romances and this was one of the best I have ever seen.

3.  TD - Movies and Music - Well, TD, I like all kinds of movies.  Mostly I prefer comedies or romantic comedies because I very much like to laugh and I am a sucker for a happy ending.  I also like to see the girl and the guy end up together at the end.  I don't like movies that don't have happy endings.  Why?  Because if I want an unhappy ending, I will watch the local news where there are plenty of not nice stories.  Occasionally I like to watch science fiction if it is about outer space and I like action adventure movies.  (After all, I am a guy.)  Because I have kids, I watch a lot of Disney/Pixar movies (Believe it or not, I have not seen all of Despicable Me).  I don't like horror movies at all.  I was always afraid of them as a little kid and decided I didn't like those.

3a.  TD - Music - I like many types of music.  I like country music (I am a Texan) and I like Christian music.  I enjoy listening to classical, pop, and some "old" rock.  You know, the stuff from the 1980s.  I am not a big fan of rap but I do have a couple of songs on my Ipod.

4.  IA - Comedy - This is perhaps my all time favorite movie type of entertainment.  When we laugh, something happens inside us that helps us feel better and I am all for anything like that.

5.  DV - Please don't get mad but I haven't seen the Harry Potter movie so I really don't know anything about it.  I love the author's story though.  It's quite inspiring.

6.  ED - Pie vs. Cake - Well let me say, I use to weigh 350 pounds so I like pie and cake both.  I would have to say that my favorite is pecan pie.  My grandmother makes the best homemade pecan pie I have ever eaten and I guess I have always been a little partial.  For cake, lemon cake with thick lemon icing is my favorite.

7.  SAT - Pepsi vs. Coke - Good question.  Like I said earlier, I used to weigh 350 pounds so I only drink diet cokes (I know diet cokes are bad for you or at least that is what a good friend keeps telling me).  That said, I always thought that diet Coke had a funny after taste so I would have to say diet Pepsi.  I do like Coke Zero though.

8.  BV - Apple vs Banana - I like apples (if you are old enough to get the Goodwill Hunting reference then its OK to laugh) but I prefer bananas.  I especially like to take a banana and mix it with peanut butter and make a sandwich.

9.  CO - friendships vs. family relationships - I think this is an excellent topic and I will talk about it separately.

10.  LB - Briefs or boxers - This one is way too embarrassing for me to answer.  I am glad you can't see how badly I am blushing.

11.  AG - A butler vs. a nanny - I have never had either one so I guess I can't really decide.  Do you have them and if so, what would you pick?

12.  GR - Pineapples or peaches - Again, I like both but my favorite is probably peaches especially when they are used to make peach cobbler.

13.  WN - Family Guy or Southpark - I really don't watch too much TV.  As a matter of fact, the only shows I really followed over the last several years were Battlestar Galactica and Smallville.  Now that those are off the air, I don't watch much.  That said, I have never seen a full episode of either Family Guy or Southpark so I don't know.

14.  DM - bathroom humor - OK I know that at my age I shouldn't laugh at this stuff and for the most part I really don't but occasionally something funny happens that makes me laugh.  I can think of one story about something my daughter said regarding this topic that still makes me laugh.  I really don't know why.

15.  MH and CO - Pandora's box - Again MH and CO bring up an excellent point that I will try to address in another post.



17.  CLUA - Ice Cream - I guess I gave this one away already.  Yes, I love ice cream.  My favorite flavor is butter pecan because that is what my granddad used to love.  I like almost every flavor.  When I was really big, I could eat a gallon of ice cream in two days.

AP - Cupcakes - Yes, I like cup cakes.  My favorites have that thick icing.  I think it's called butter cream icing.  Whatever it is, yes it is very good.

Well everyone, I think I have addressed all of the questions you asked on FaceBook.  If you want me to answer any more, please send them in and I will do my best.

Thank you all for giving me a chance to show you a little of what is in my box.  This has been really fun and I enjoyed writing it.  The funny thing is you made me stop and think about myself in a fun way.  I don't think I have done that in years!

And that's several Opinions of the Minion