Friendship vs. Dating Part 2

Today I want to continue our discussion on relationships.  From those of you who posted comments, the general impression I get is that friendships are much easier than “dating” relationships.  In some ways they seem preferable to dating relationships.  But isn’t finding true love one of the major goals in life?  Don’t we want to find that one special person?  How can we do that if we don’t “date”?  Or is dating just what we do to satisfy the physical needs we have?  It’s like we are saying   So now I have someone who is my friend and then I have someone else who I date.  Before I get to my next point, I would like DD to tell you how she views what we do when we meet someone new.

DD - I think in general there are two “circles” the opposite sex falls into when you meet them.  Friendship or Dating.  Of course it’s not that simple though.  That’s like saying relationships are black or white.  If only.  So I will add a middle ground called the “grey” area.  This area is where the two circles mix.  I think in general, when we meet someone new, we place them into either a friendship circle or dating circle.  Naturally, this is based on looks.  What else do you have to base it on?  You don’t know their personality, what motivates them or what their interests are.  I also think women “place” men into one circle or the other based on looks as much as men do it.  It’s the process of getting to know a person that creates the grey area.  Ladies, say you immediately place a guy into the “dating circle.”  He meets whatever conscious or subconscious criteria for what you find attractive.  Then you find yourself in a social setting with this guy and all he does is talk about himself.  He never shows interest in what makes you tick, only him.  Over time, he slowly becomes less and less attractive.  He might initially move from the dating circle to the “grey” area.  You’re still attracted to him and would still be interested in going out but then over time, he moves into the solid “friendship” circle.  Now I whole-heartedly believe a guy can start out in the friendship circle and over time move through the gray area and into the dating area.  Take the movie Hitch, for example.  Kevin James’ character, Albert Brennaman, has placed the celebrity, Allegra Cole, directly in the dating circle.  I don’t think his placement is based solely on looks though.  He has been around her in the investment meetings and likes that she wants to invest her money into her friend’s business.  After she meets him, I think she placed him in the friendship circle.  But as she got to know him better, she moved Albert into the grey area.  And by the end of the movie, when she realized the dancing, the mustard on his shirt, and pulling out the inhaler wasn’t an act, she moved him into the dating circle.

So we now have these circles that we place people in.  Let me ask a very scary question.  What would happen if I found a girl that I placed in the friend category?  What if that person became someone that I shared my most inner thoughts, secrets, concerns, successes and failures with?  What if that person was the one who was there for me without judgment and I was there for her without judgment?  What if we enjoyed doing the same things and were really relaxed just hanging out together?  What if she was someone I felt I could totally be myself around (the good, the bad, and the ugly)?  What if she was the first person I wanted to talk to when things went good or bad and I was the same for her?  What if she was my best friend?  Then what if I kissed her?

What do you think?

That's the Opinion of a couple of Minions

What is the Definition of You?

Hi Guys and Gals,

While DD and I are working on the next part of Friendship vs. Dating, I wanted to take a few minutes to discuss who defines you?  I was asked by a friend of the Minion,  MW, to write about this subject.  MW, thank you so much for your encouragement on FaceBook.  I really appreciate it.

So lets talk about it.  What is the definition of You?  One definition is "used to indicate a specific individual."  This is from The American Heritage Dictionary.  That doesn't tell me anything about you so it's not very helpful.  Since the dictionary can't help where do we turn?  Should we turn to the people around us?  How about our parents?  How about the people we work with?  Can they give us a good definition of who we are?

I think we look to the people around us a lot.  And while they may know some things about us, I don't think they are the best place to look.  This article was started based on "The Football Player Who Couldn't Play."  In it, I talked about wanting to play football but being a terrible player.  I thought that I would be in the right crowd if I was a player.  Why did I think that?  Because most of the popular kids in school were football players.  I was letting the people around me define what I should be.  In that case, it was a bad thing.  What if people say that to be in the right crowd, I have to do drugs or have sex?  Then I can only define myself as "good" if I am doing drugs and having sex.  Does that sound crazy?  It should because it is.

Now, lets move forward a few years.  When are parents talk about being successful, many times they want us to be doctors or lawyers and it seems like that is a good standard for defining whether or not you are a "success."  So maybe, we can look to the world's standard to define us or at least who we should be.  So let me tell you something personal about me.  I am a lawyer.  At least I have a law license.  I have passed the bar exam in Texas.  So the good news is that based using worldly standards, I can define myself as a success right.  Absolutely wrong.  Being a lawyer, doctor, janitor, policeman, or a dentist doesn't define me or you.

So we have looked at the crowd we hang out around and "the worldly standard" to define us without finding a good place.  Where should we look next?

As you can probably guess, this is where I was headed all along.  Especially if you are a Christian, you should look at that book we carry to church on Sunday.  I can tell you some things from that book about you.

1.  You are loved.  God has an intense burning love for you.  He isn't sitting back trying how to knock you down, he is sitting back waiting for you to take him up on his promises.  His love is more passionate for you than words can describe.  Did you know his heart aches just to spend time with you and tell you much he loves and admires you?

2.  You are headed to Heaven when you are done here.  I have never been but the Bible describes it as a pretty cool place.

3.  You can overcome every trial.  The bible says that we overcome the world by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.

Well, you get the point.  I could go on for pages defining you from the bible.

"OK Mr. Minion, that's fine," you say, "but how do I know who I am and what I am supposed to do here on earth?  How do I know what I am supposed to like and not like, etc.?"  Who defines that part of us?  The answer is a little hard to swallow.  It's not your parents, your family, your friends or anyone else.  Who defines you? - The answer is You should define yourself and no one else.  Why?  Because no one can truly look inside your box and see all that is there besides you.  Even if your family and friends have your best interest at heart, they cannot define you.  The don't have the ability to do that.  Who you are is something between you and God.  Just like me playing football (or at least being on the team) you are the only one who knows what you really like.

I can't tell you how often I have heard a boy or girl say they liked something their boyfriend or girlfriend did just to get approval from them.  You cannot define who you are to get approval from someone else.  If you do that, you miss out on so much of the great potential God as deposited in your life.  Guess what, no matter how hard you try to be liked by doing what other people like or saying what they say, some peole won't like you.  This past weekend, I ran into a guy who has hated me for 10 years.  No matter what I say or do, I can't change that. 

When I went to law school, most of my family didn't believe that I would make it through.  I am not saying that they didn't have a reason to believe that.  Because based on my performance at college, they were expecting me to do the same thing and I would have failed.  If I had listened to them, I would never have even tried to go to school, much less graduate has high in my class as I did.  Am I saying that to brag?  No.  I am telling you this to say, don't let anyone else define you because their definition will be incomplete at best and completely wrong at worst.  They will miss some of the great things inside of you.

Let me close by saying, dare to step outside of the shadows of what other people think.  Dare to step outside of what society thinks.  Step up and be what you want you to be.  You will be much happier if you do.

And that's another Opinion of the Minion