Why is It Always About You?

This is the title of a book I read on something called narcissism.  One definition of this word is an unhealthy love for ones' self.  Here's what I found really interesting about this.  According to the Bible, in the last days (before Jesus returns) people will be lover's of themselves.

Before I go any further, let me quickly say that I don't have one clue when Jesus will return.  I don't think the world is going to blow up tomorrow or that aliens are plotting with President Obama and the Chinese to overthrow Luxembourg or any of the other crazy rumors you hear these days.  I will also let you in on another secret.  I am not all that anxious for the Lord to return.  Let me tell you why.  Most of the people that I hear today who are anxiously awaiting God's return are also broke down, busted and disgusted people.  I don't want to be chased off this planet with my tail between my legs in Christ's return.  I want to finish my course and when I have been successful at everything that the Lord has for me here, then and only then will I be ready to move to Heaven.

However, I do believe that we are getting close to the return of Christ.  When will that be?  The bible says that God hasn't even told Jesus the exact time.  So if He hasn't confided the exact time in Jesus, I think it's a pretty safe bet that He isn't going to tell me either.

But I think I now understand what this whole concept of people being lovers of themselves means.  It means they will be narcissistic.  Is this a bad thing?  Yes.  Why am I bringing it up?  Because being around these types of people can be extremely unhealthy and there are going to be more and more of them on the earth.  If you are around friends who are like this, you may want to consider whether or not it makes sense to continue to hang around with them.  Also, we all need to check ourselves from time to time to see if we are acting this way.

The reason I find this so interesting is because I have talked to several people lately who were in counseling sessions (no, I am not a counselor) with other people who were diagnosed with this problem.  There is a healthy form of narcissism and I think we need to understand that it is OK to think about yourself and to take care of yourself.  But what we are talking about here is an unhealthy situation.

So let me give you a few things that are characteristics of narcissism:
1.  Like the title of the blog, for some people everything in their life has to be about them.  They can never talk or do anything that doesn't relate to themselves.  They also have to be first priority over everyone else.
2.  Most of the time, they don't apologize when they do something wrong or their apology is a very sarcastic one.  The reason this happens is that a narcissist believes their world is completely perfect and that they are perfect.  They have a hard time understanding that it's OK to have imperfections.  But like we have discussed before, no one is perfect.
3.  They project anything negative onto other people.  This sort of goes hand in hand with number 2.  If someone tells them that they are wrong about anything, someone else is always to blame for them being wrong.  For example, if you tell a narcissist that they were rude to a store clerk, the narcissist will always blame someone else for why they were rude.
4.  They rarely have the ability to make anyone else happy unless they are completely happy.
5.  Because they have to keep their world perfect, you cannot tell them that they are a narcissist because it would mean that they have an imperfection.

There are others and if you feel like someone in your life really has this problem, I encourage you to get the book with that title and read it.

So why am I telling you all this you ask?  Because these types of people can be very draining.  If you have friends like that, you might want to seriously consider whether or not the friendship is worth it.  If we stay in friendships like that, they are very draining on us and can ultimately do us a lot of emotional harm.

But here is the other reason I wanted to write about this.  I want you to take a look at those five items again.  Now this is going to be very hard because if you have a problem, then it will be difficult for you to admit to this particular one.  But I want you to ask yourself honestly if any of those things apply to you.  I don't want you to be overly critical of yourself.  Just because you came up with an excuse for something you did yesterday doesn't make you a narcissist.  However, if you can't admit that you are wrong, you do have a big problem.

See I was like that for a long time in a couple of areas.  I could not admit that I had a problem with food and I could not admit that I had a problem spending money.  Both were true but this was especially true with money.  I was a financial disaster.  It hurt not only me but also my family and I could not admit to myself that I had a problem.  Finally for me, I had an incident happen that actually woke me up.



That's another Opinion of the Minion

Is It Right?

Today I want to talk about something sort of serious.  The question - Is it right?  I talk alot about doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do.  Now I am not perfect at it but I really do want to do the right thing.  I believe this is the best way for me to live my life.  It's also the way the Lord wants me to live my life.

There is something else I should say before I get to the main point of this blog.  Doing the right thing means doing it when no one else is looking.  I have seen many fake people who only appear to do right when others are watching but the true test of whether or not we do the right thing is what we do when we are alone.

For example, I tried to lose weight for years.  I would go on diets and when I was out with people, I would eat a salad or something reasonably healthy.  If I was around others when I was "dieting" I ate reasonably well.  And yet several weeks into my "diet" I still weighed the same weight.  Why was that?  Because when I wasn't around other people, I wasn't eating healthy.  I was eating cookies and ice cream or some other form of sugar.  Was I doing the right thing to lose weight?  A small part of the time I was but not all the time.  Which brings me to another great point.  Doing the right thing means that is your way of life.  Does it mean you are perfect?  Certainly not!  For all of us Christians who go around trying to hold other people to the standard of perfection, stop it.  The bible says no one is perfect.

But what I am telling you is that we should try to do the right thing.  This brings me to my point today.  What is the right thing?  I have heard people say that we should do what makes us feel good.  That is the right thing.  Unfortunately, this just isnt true.  There is a right and wrong period.  It doesn't change. 

I was recently in a situation at work where I was going to have to tell someone we worked for that we had not done a very good job.  I thought about several ways to "spin" it and finally decided that the right thing for me to do was to tell them the truth along with what my plan was to correct the problem.  This person could have gotten very upset with me but this person did not.  This person just accepted what I said and told me to correct the problem.  End of story.  I could have tried to spin things but that would have only made the situation worse.  Many times doing the right thing will not feel good but it will get you the result you want.

There are times when I have wondered if I what I was doing was right.  Obviously even in our society today, we know that killing someone is wrong (or at least it's supposed to be).  But there are times when right/wrong is more difficult to distinguish.  Most of the time we know the right thing to do.  I know in my life there are times when I face decisions.  Sometimes I afraid of what will happen.  Sometimes I really want a certain outcome.  In those cases, it can be very tempting to manipulate the situation to get the outcome I want.  When that happens, I start to rationalize that what I am doing is right but sometimes it's not. 

Let me try to illustrate.  Have you ever been to a store or the bank and had the teller give you the wrong change.  Let's say I go to the store and the clerk gives me an extra $20 that really isn't mine.  There is a CD or something else I want to do with that $20.  Maybe I even want to take someone to lunch who really needs me.  That would be a very good use of the $20 right.  So I start thinking to myself that if I take the $20 and use it to help someone else then keeping the $20 is right.  How about if I just say to myself that it's the clerk's fault because he gave me the money.  I didn't do anything wrong.  After all I didn't take the money.  It's his mistake.  How about this.  Maybe God used that clerk to give me the $20 and this was really a blessing from God! 

What am I doing?  I really want to keep the $20.  If I step back for a minute and look at the situation, I know the right thing to do.  That isn't my money.  Make no mistake, God doesn't work in that way.  He has a million ways to get you money and doesn't need to resort to taking it from a clerk who will get in trouble for having the wrong change in his drawer at the end of the day.  The right thing for me to do is to bring the error to the clerk's attention and return the money.

To many of us this example seems a little trivial.  I mean it's only $20 right?  Well how about when we are talking about an unborn baby?  Uh oh, now what?  Did you ever notice that everyone who is pro abortion has already been born?  Ladies and gentlemen, I know abortion is a very sensative subject and I will not engage in a debate about it.  I'm merely trying to make a point.  If you have been a part of an abortion (and I have gotten a girl pregnant who had an abortion while I was at the clinic) then know this - there is total and complete forgiveness.  God loves you deeply and making a wrong decision doesn't change that.  You are not a second class citizen and you have not been cut out of God's family for it.

So let me sum this up.  We are all faced with decisions every day.  I don't think we will ever be perfect.  If so, we would not need God.  But I do think we should do our best to do right.  To do the right thing, we have to define what is right and what is wrong.  Let me end with this, you have got to stand for something or you will fall for anything (I don't know who said it but it's true).

That's another Opinion of the Minion