Word Up

I want to take a few minutes to talk about words.

Have you ever heard the saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me"?  That couldn't be farther from the truth - words can help or hurt a lot.  Are you ever around someone who has nice things to say about you?  Chances are if that person continually has good things to say about you, you will want to be around them.  If someone is always saying negative things then you will want to stay away from them.

Also, take notice of something.  Words have a cumulative effect.  If I tell you something nice once and then tell you something not nice 100 times, the 100 times far outweighs the once.  The opposite is also true, if I tell you good things regularly and then I have something not so good to say, you might be OK with what I say.

What we say to others is extremely important.  I am involved with a couple of situations right now where I cannot physically be of much help.  All of these situations are tough because I care about the people involved but I can't take charge of the situation.  So let's go back to one of my favorite questions, "What can I do to help?"  I wish I would ask that question more often.

As I was sitting thinking about one of these situations, I was watching re-runs of one of my favorite TV shows, "Lois and Clark."  Shock and surprise, I like Superman.  Well in this particular episode, Lois and Clark (Superman) were both trapped in separate cages that would blow up if Superman tried to save the day.  At this point in the series Lois knows Clark is Superman and they are dating.  Superman tells her with heart wrenching certainty that he wishes he could touch and hold her.  Now while I don't necessarily put much faith in TV shows as far as how to live real life, what Lois said next was inspiring.  She said that she knew how Superman could touch her - with his words.

Whether you believe it or not, that is absolutely the truth.  We do touch people with our words.  Let me give you a couple of examples of people who have touched me with their words.  They may never know how deeply what they said meant but all these things helped build me up.

1.  My daughter, K, told me one time that I should become a certain thing because she saw me practicing a skill that I really enjoy.  I am not very good at it but it really made me feel good.

2.  In my own life, I have been going through a particularly tough situation.  I was talking just yesterday to a certain friend of mine, BT.  Now most people I know say that I am not handling this situation right because they would do it differently.  It's not that I am doing anything wrong.  Most people think I am letting another person use me.  In this case, I know I am doing the right thing and I just wanted someone to see that.  Well, BT told that in all his years of being in the banking business that he had never even heard of anyone doing what I was doing.  He told me that I was doing the right thing and that God would reward me for doing it.  I already know that but it was so nice to hear that from someone.  I certainly don't say any of this to brag about what I am doing.  I want you to see that your words can really make a difference.  When he told me that yesterday, it almost brought me to tears.  I was so touched.

3.  When I first posted "The Box", my friend LM and my cousin AB, both reposed the link on their wall with some really great things to say.  It was very encouraging.  They don't know this but both of them are huge drivers behind the Opinion of the Minion.

4.  There is a particular fan of the Minion, KS, who said something to me that was just astonishing.  She said that after reading the first two of my posts, she was hooked.  She went on to say that I was a wonderful writer and that she looked forward to reading more of what I write.  I don't think of myself as a writer at all.  I have a good friend who is a writer but not me.  I am just putting my thoughts on cyber paper.  This person has a much nicer looking blog than the Opinion of the Minion and has great writing skills of her own.  For her to say that to me, really blessed me.

5. I have another friend, J, who is always saying good things to me and that is one of the reasons I like hanging around with this person.  J has said many nice things.  One particularly felt good.  J said I was polite and sincere.  Those things mean a lot because this world is full of insincere people.  I try to be a very sincere person and it was nice that J saw this inside my box.  J also told me about a time when I was able to use words to help her.  That felt good.

6.  See, we don't really know when we say something good to someone what effect it will have.  Just because you don't see any outward change doesn't mean something isn't changing on the inside.  That same friend of mine, BT, told me a story that I certainly don't remember about how part of my personal testimony changed some one's life.  See, I was telling them what I went through and being an encouragement to them and I never even knew about it until ten years later.



Now let me caution you on a couple of things.

First, never compliment someone by saying something you don't believe.  If you do, it will come across as insincere and have the opposite effect of the one you want.  Remember, if you don't believe it, you can't tell it.  If you think someone is pretty tell them so.  Just this morning I saw a lady in Starbucks that I know who is old enough to be my mom.  I really liked the shirt she was wearing and I told her so.  You should have seen the smile on her face.

If you don't thinks someone is nice don't lie and tell them you do.  But what you had better do is take a few minutes and study them.  If you do, you will find that there is something about them you can compliment that you really believe and they will appreciate it.  Let me challenge you with this.  Try to find one person a day and give them a compliment.  Here is what will happen when you do - If it is sincere, they will appreciate it.  Now here is the surprise part of it - You will feel great for doing it.

Second, and I see this one a lot, let someone compliment you.  My friend J and I have this in common, sometimes we both struggle when someone gives us compliments.  I used to shrug them off and down play them because I had a person in my life at one time who got jealous of them.  I think I finally have J trained on the very profound speech you should give to someone who pays you a compliment.  It's quite lengthy but it is very important so let me go into how to receive a compliment.

A. If someone is sincere, let it make you feel warm inside.  That is what it is supposed to do.  Stop for a split second and just enjoy the fact that someone recognized something great inside you.  Don't try to downplay it.  Just relax and let it bless you.

B.  OK now here is the long part.  How do you respond to someone who says something nice to you?  You have to give them this little speech I prepared for the occasion.  Are you ready?

You say - "Thank You."  Really profound stuff huh.  That's it.  Don't make some excuse why you shouldn't be given the compliment.  Just say thank you.

So let me leave you with a summary thought.  We should all be looking out for ways to use our words to touch people's lives in a positive way.  Many times you won't even know all the good you do.  Then when someone touches you with their words, enjoy it and say thank you.

And that's the Opinion of the Minion

When The Minion Got A Boo Boo

Today I want to talk about when it hurts.  This post applies to a friend again but unfortunately it applies to the Minion today. 

The critics of the Minion (yes there are some who criticize me) say that I don't deal with bad things in the world and that all I deal with are the positives which makes me out of balance.  Well, today I want to look at what to do when it hurts.  See, right now I am hurting a little.  I think this hurt will be a temporary one and everything should be OK shortly but it does present an good opportunity to talk about what to do when it hurts.  There is a particular fan of the Minion who probably understands what I am talking about and I want to speak to you first.

Although I should be dealing with the negative, let me get positive for a minute (sorry critics, I can't help it - This is who I am).  I want to say to this fan, you have more courage than anyone I know.  I am very glad you are a fan of the Minion like I have told you before I will be here for you.  Like I have also said before, bad times don't last, good people do.  See, I have looked inside this particular fan's box and found some pretty remarkable stuff.  This fan is a hard worker, wants to see the company the fan works for do well, shows compassion to friends, is kind, is good hearted, caring and here is the hardest thing for me to understand, even though this fan his hurting the fan doesn't want to strike back at the person who is causing the deep pain.  This fan is truly remarkable.  My discomfort doesn't change on thing about the way I think or feel about this fan.

OK, now that I have established that I am hurting a little.  A line from a song comes to mind, "Sometimes I hurt and sometimes I cry.  Sometimes I can't get it right no matter how hard I try."  Have you ever felt that way?  Well I do sometimes.  The real question is what to do with the pain.

Several years ago, I just wandered around like a zombie.  See I thought that because the emotion that I felt the most often was pain, then the best thing for me to do was wall off all my emotions.  That way I would never hurt right.  After all, I am a guy.  That's what we do right.  Well about two years ago, I realized that not allowing myself to feel any emotions was doing two very harmful things. 

1.  We all have emotions (yes guys you do have emotions whether you admit it our not) and emotions signal needs.  I was ignoring the needs that my emotions were signaling.  As a result, I was emotionally bankrupt.  I had nothing else to give anyone.  Have you ever felt this way?  That is a horrible place to be.  There are people in my life who need the things in my box and I didn't have the strength to open my own box, much less look in theirs.

2.  Because I turned off all my emotions I was not able to feel any of the good ones.  I couldn't feel love.  I couldn't feel God's deep burning love for me.  Because I didn't know what really caring about someone felt like, I couldn't be as caring for others as I should.  Imagine what it was like to graduate in the top part of my class from law school and not really feel good about it.  Imaging what it was like to not be able to enjoy a boat ride at sunset or a beautiful sunrise.  I couldn't live in the moment.  Because I didn't feel stuff, I didn't enjoy anything.  I always thought the next thing on my agenda would bring me happiness but nothing ever did back then.  Both of these are really bad things.  I guess we can say that turning my emotions off won't work so what do I do with them?

Have you ever heard the phrase, hurting people hurt people?  Well I could try that.  I could call out some of the critics of the Minion and say bad things about them.  But that won't help me either.  So what am I going to do?

I am going to do what Jesus did.  I am going to do my best to help someone and it starts with this blog.  Back to the fan.  I am going to start by saying more nice things because I know that fan is hurting and I believe what I am saying.  This fan always has an encouraging word even though I know the fan is going through a little bit of hell on earth.  This fan has a terrific memory.  This fan has many qualities that I really admire.  This fan is worth it and this fan deserves the best.  This fan is great and shouldn't settle for anything less.

Also, I know of someone else who lost a pet recently.  I don't know if this person has ever read the Minion and I doubt it, I want to say to them that I am extremely sorry for their loss.  I know what a warm, caring pet owner you are and how you really love your pets.  I think that is remarkable.

To another person who I know recently lost someone close to them, I am truly sorry for your loss.  I know that it is extremely hard on you and I am praying that things will get better for you.

See, all these people are hurting.  My first thought to all of them, even though I am experiencing some emotional discomfort right now, is I want to help.

Next, to the rest of the fans of the Minion, I want to say to you, that if you are hurting, be patient.  Time does heal wounds.  I can say that to you because I am working on patience right now in my own life and guess what, I really don't like it.  I mean, couldn't we just have microwave patience.  Why does this virtue of patience take so long to develop?  :)

I want to leave you with this thought - What would the world look like if when we were hurt instead transferring our hurt to someone else, we tried to help someone?  Well there I go getting positive again.  I have blogged myself happy.

And that's the Opinion of His Minion