Fatherhood

OK, I probably should have posted this on Sunday in honor of Father's Day but life is busy and here it is Tuesday.  Today I want to talk about what being a father is about to me.  I think that the whole concept of fatherhood has lost itself somewhere in our society.  Realizing that the number of single parent moms is substantial, there are many kids who grow up without a strong father.

So what does a good father look like?  Well to start with, he needs to take responsibility for his life and his actions.  If you got her pregnant, it's your responsibility take care of the child.  It's your responsibility to train that child in the way he should live so that he will grow up to be a strong citizen and a good person.  Now most of you might think that my last couple of sentences are pointed at guys who get a girl pregnant and then don't marry her or provide for the child.  They certainly apply to that group but I am also talking about married couples and divorced couples as well.  It really doesn't make any difference how that precious child got her, just take responsibility for it and teach it.

Which leads me to my next point.  What should I teach my children?  In my life right now, I have three wonderful children plus two other children who I am around a lot.  So what am I teaching them?  Well yesterday my oldest son mowed the lawn and I paid him to do it.  Then I taught him about tithing.  Regularly we talk about God and how important he is to our life.  Did you know that Abraham was the father of Israel plus many other countries in the middle east?  Do you know why?  Because God knew that Abraham would teach his children about Him.  That's part of our job as dads.  Also dads, we need to know this.  Actions speak much louder than words.  If we tell our children one thing and then act in a different way, they are going to know that we don't believe our own words and they probably wont believe them either.

So after I teach them, what are some other things I should do?  I need to spend on them.  Now most of you might jump to spend money and I certainly tried to lead you that way.  Dad if you had that child, it is your responsibility to help provide for that baby.  Don't tell me that you are a "man" because you are tough, or successful or good looking etc., and yet you don't provide for your own children.  If you aren't trying to provide for them, I'm not sure you are a "man."  But where I want you to really go with this to spend your time on them.  That's normally the thing they want most.  The woman I am dating recently told me she thought I was good with teenagers.  I don't know if that's true or not but if it is true, its because I just talk to them like they are real people.  I don't treat them any different than any other person I would talk to.  I ask them questions about their lives or what's important and then I try really hard to listen to what they say.  Pretty simple stuff huh.

I think one of the most important things you can do to be a good dad is be the spiritual leader of your house.  Let your kids see you pray.  Don't leave all the praying to their mom or to the ladies in your life.  Real strength starts on your knees.  I heard someone say, "Show me a bible that is worn out and I will show you a Christian that isn't."  Let your kids see you spend time in the word of God.  It will help them as they get older.

Let me end this by taking a little different spin.  In many church's today, I hear all kinds of really nice comments about mothers on Mother's day and they are all true.  I am thankful for strong moms.  But then I hear remarks about who really wears the pants in the family or other somewhat derogatory remarks about the dads.  Ladies if you are making those "jokes" regularly, don't be surprised if he lives down to your expectations.  Encourage your man to be a real man and to be a real father.  You will be glad you did.

That's Another Opinion of the Minion

Two Feet Part 1

Hello everyone,

Many of you know that I use to way 350 pounds and the Lord delivered me from weight issues.  I believe he told me to write a book.  Below please find a small part from the first chapter.  Please let me know what you think.

That's the Opinion of the Minion

It’s 5:55 a.m. and the alarm clock begins signals the start of another day.  After a couple of seconds I roll over and turn it off.  Out my picture windows, I am greeted by an amazing sight.  The sun is just beginning to rise over the tops of the buildings downtown.  Fort Worth isn’t the biggest city in the world by any stretch but it’s my city and its home.  I live in the penthouse and the view from my balcony is breath taking.  I let Clara Belle out on it and she lays down to enjoy the air.  She’s a Great Pyrenees mix and looks more like a polar bear than a dog.  It’s a cool 65 degrees Fahrenheit outside today.  Quite a change from the hottest summer in north Texas history.  We have had 70 days of over 100 degree weather and I am glad for a break.

That done, I pick up my Ipad and open the Sonus app that controls the stereo zones in my apartment.  I only play the music in the bedroom so I don’t wake up any of my neighbors but it gets me going.  Next, it’s time to make the bed and start the shower. Shower complete, vitamins consumed and dry fit clothes on, I lace up my Asics Kayano gym shoes.  They only have a couple of days left before they are trash but they still feel good.  At around 6:25 I head out the door and down to the car.  It’s a short ride to the gym and there is an audiobook talking to me through the Lexus’ stereo system.  As I walk in the door, I see many familiar faces and they are a mix of smiles and frowns just like you would expect.  My good friend and trainer is there talking to his fiancée on the treadmill so I stop to offer some good natured words of quasi encouragement and head to the men’s locker room.  I drop my bag in the back corner and pull out the Garmin watch along with my IPod Nano.  It’s just another day in paradise.  On my way out the door, I stop to drop my shirt by the computer monitor on the desk and step out into the cool air.  What a beautiful morning.  It‘s one of those times in life that you are in awe of God and his creation.  I can see more of the sun peaking up over the tops of the buildings and know this is going to be one of those great days.

As I stand there waiting for my Garmin to sync up with the satellites OneRepublic’s  Good Life is blaring in my ears.  It’s nice just to sit there and hum along while the watch talks to whatever it talks to.  My trainer just told me that I don’t have to do weights today just cardio but he asks me to push just a little today.  This should be a good run.  The humidity is low and the temperature perfect.  I will only run six miles today.  Certainly not the farthest I have ever run but a lot farther than I could have gone eight years ago.  Watch finally working I start out.  Almost immediately I take a right turn and head toward White Settlement road.  The tunes change and my mind drifts all over the place.  I think about the people in my life.  Who needs help today and what can I do about it?  When I get to work, what needs to be done?  What else is on the agenda today?  I have a blog that has 37,000 fans from literally around the world.  What would the Lord have me tell them today?  How am I going to bring them a word of encouragement?  It’s a great day and I start much stronger than I have in a long time.

Now I hit the 1.25 mile mark and start the climb up the first real hill.  The whole run is a little uphill but this is the first one that really gets my attention.  I have to cross 7th street and then make the climb.  The cool air definitely helps and my legs don’t really burn today.  I am holding steady at about 7.4 miles per hour.  Now that’s not really all that fast even for me but it’s much faster than I have been running.  

As I come over the top of the hill.  I spot something truly remarkable.  It’s a box and it’s on the opposite side of the street from where I am running.  This box isn’t just any old box, its silver with a bright red bow around it.  You know the kind; you can take the lid off the box without disturbing the ribbon on the lid or the box because someone has wrapped each separately.  I will never know exactly what is in this box but I appreciate it none the less.  God has placed certain unique qualities inside this box.  Who knows what they are but because He took so much time and care when he created it, I respect it greatly.  It is truly an amazing gift to the world and I am honored just to see it for a few minutes.  As I look around, there are more boxes.  One is crossing the street and one is already in front of me on the same side of the street.  One thing I know for sure - God is deeply and passionately in love with each of these boxes and that makes me appreciate them greatly.  Many of these boxes need help and I wish I could be the one to help them all.  Sometimes I get to but not as often as I would like.

Do Nice Guys Finish Last? (Part 2)

Last time I wrote, we talked about how to define a nice guy.  Today I want to deal with the question - Do nice guys finish last?  Most of you probably have not read a post that I did about this time last year discussing why women can be so attracted to guys who are not very nice to them.  Well today let’s look at this from the other side of the equation.

In high school and in our 20s I think it is very difficult for us to know what exactly we want.  We want everyone to like us.  We want people to want to hang out with us.  We want admiration from our friends.  These things are all OK but what this really defines is “being popular.”  Unfortunately at that age, we don’t know how to be comfortable with just being us so to make ourselves feel better we put other people down.  Now if you are a popular kid then when you put someone else down they are “unpopular” right.  

So if you are a girl which group do you want to be associated with?  The “popular” crowd or the “unpopular” one?  That’s a no brainer right?  Well let’s look at the nice guy for a second.  Think of the nicest guy you know.  Does he typically go around putting other people down?  I doubt it.  That’s what makes him a nice guy.  Is he typically going to be in with the “in” crowd?  Many times not.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that if you are popular that you are not a nice guy because that just isn’t true.

But I think girls in high school are attracted to the popular guys because they are “popular.”  Nice guys in that group may be seen as finishing last.  I mean when a girl says you are a great guy or a nice guy isn’t that the kiss of death in high school?  I know I always felt like that was the case.  However something interesting has happened since I got out of high school (which was 20+ years ago).  I discovered that women’s opinion of what they want change.  When the most popular guy in the school struggles to hold a job, doesn’t appreciate her the way he should and never really does things for her, all the sudden her opinion of being with the “popular” guy changes.  

Just a side note for everyone struggling with this issue who is in high school today.  One day after you graduate high school popularity will mean nothing.

Anyway over the course of time the “nice guy” starts to look much more appealing.  What girl doesn’t want to feel special and be with someone who treats her like she is a princess?  Does that sound like a fairy tale?  Well to some degree in real life it is but I think that we guys can be nice and treat ladies the right way.  See guys, here is what I found out.  When you are over 30 and a woman tells you that you are a nice guy, that is no longer the kiss of death.  In fact, it can be just the opposite because a lot of times that lady is so tired of being with someone who doesn’t treat her right that she is actually longing for a nice guy.

I am dating a truly amazing woman.  She is everything I want and so much more.  She is elegant, classy, beautiful, funny, smart, intelligent and I could go on for a while.  When   one of my friends met her, his first comment was how is she even available to date?  Another friend told me that I had far “out kicked my coverage.”  That’s a football term but it is a high compliment for her.  Another friend of mine asked me if she was as pretty on the inside as she was on the outside.  On a scale of 1 to 10 she is an 11.  And here she is attracted to me!  I still find that hard to believe.  But I bet you if you asked her what attracted her to me one thing she would probably say is that I am a nice guy.

That’s another Opinion of the Minion.

Do Nice Guys Finish Last? (Part 1)

Today I want to talk about something I have heard more than once.  Have you ever heard the saying, "Nice guys finish last"?  Well I have and for a long time I sort of thought it was true.  But I have to tell you that at age 40, that's not true at all.

Before we get to the nice guy part, which I may have to address in the next blog, we need to distinguish between being nice and being a door mat for other people.  See for many years I considered myself a nice guy and I really am one.  Before everyone gets all wound up, I don't say that with conceit in my heart.  If you asked my mom or any of my friends they would probably tell you the same thing.  If you asked God I know he would tell you that.

So as a nice guy, here is the mistake that I made.  I have always wanted to be considered one of the good guys.  Several months ago I started dating an amazing woman and I have met several of her friends and family.  They all seem to have a very high opinion of me and that really blesses me.  It doesn't bless me because I want everyone to think highly of me, although I do.  It blesses me because it says that there is evidence of me becoming the person I have always wanted and that other people can see the evidence.  That is truly a blessing.

However, for many years I thought that I was only a nice guy if everyone else around me said so.  In other words if I did something that was unpleasant to someone else and they didn't like me, it meant that I was not a nice guy.  Let me give you an extreme example.  This example is made up and I would not have felt bad about it but hopefully you will see my point.  If a guy was robbing a gas station, I might not have called the police because I was afraid the guy holding up the gas station would not like me.  If he didn't like me then I must not be a nice guy because my definition of being a nice guy centered around everyone else liking me.  That sounds pretty silly right!  Of course it is!  But how about me letting people use me occasionally and take advantage of my generosity because I didn't want them to get mad at me?  That happened a few times.  Now if you are my friend and/or family, I am not pointing fingers at anyone and I am not thinking of anyone specifically so please don't feel like this is pointed at you.

I can even give you bible reference for some of my problem.  Jesus said if a man asks you to go a mile, go two.  Now we all know that Jesus is love so he must be a nice guy.  If Jesus said to do it, then I should do it.  After all, I am trying to imitate Jesus.  Or how about the time Jesus said, blessed are the peace makers. Jesus also said that strife was bad.  So my philosophy was to keep the peace, avoid strife and give more to people than what they asked.  Sounds good right?  Well, I got very out of balance in this area and it took me several years to understand this.

So what is the difference between the two situations I discussed.  When I talked about people who think I am a nice guy, I know that I am one.  Wether or not someone else notices doesn't change that fact.  In the other case, I used what others thought to define me.

So what am I trying to say?  Before I get to whether or not nice guys finish last, we have to define "nice guy."  A nice guy is someone who is helpful to others, respectful, caring, understanding, etc.  Now I may not be all of those things yet but I am striving to be.  Just because everyone doesn't like me or I do something that makes someone else unhappy, doesn't make me any less of a nice guy.  I guess this all gets back to defining yourself by who you are and what the bible says you are, not what other people think of you.  Next time I will talk about whether or not nice guys finish last.

That's another Opinion of the Minion