Today, I want to talk about failure. Now, most of the time I try to write positive and upbeat blogs. When I read what I write, it challenges me to be a better person. I have always said that if what you see from me is the best you ever see then that is a tragedy because I should get better every day. But failure is inevitable in life. We all go through it at some point. So how do we deal with it? Does it hurt? Absolutely. Do I wish I hadn't failed? Sure. Did I fail? Yes. Let me use one of my favorite lines from the movie Dirty Dancing, "When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong." You have to own your failures and successes.
See, I am recently divorced. I made a commitment before God to stay married to a woman for the rest of my life. It was a covenant that I couldn't keep. Now I won't go into all the reasons behind the divorce itself because they aren't important. Some of my readers know me personally and thus will know my now, ex-wife. Let me say something about her before I go forward. I wish her only the best and most happy days in life. I have done my best to walk through this divorce with integrity and honor. Have I always been successful? No. But this lady, deserves to be happy. She is a wonderful mother to our three kids and I am very sorry things didn't work out between us. I want to publicly forgive her for any wrong doing toward me and I ask the same from her. This is my greatest failure in life.
Do you want to hear all the juicy details of what happened? Would you like me to blame my wife for our marriage falling apart? Well, I won't tell you because those things are personal. Let me just use an old saying, "It takes two to Tango." We both made mistakes and here we are.
So now let's deal with how it made me feel. Last Friday was one of the hardest and most rewarding days of my life. Although we have been separated for over a year and I knew the final divorce decree was coming, I still didn't really believe it. So when the pressure of the week was over, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I gave my word to my God and to that lady and I didn't keep it. I hope you cannot imagine the deep pain I felt. For a little while, I felt like a complete failure. What things in your life have caused you to feel this way? Was it a relationship that ended badly? Was it a failure at your job or at school? Regardless of where it comes from, it still really hurts.
When you get that sinking feeling in your gut because of something like this, doesn't it make you just want to run away and hide from everyone? I mean who would want to be around someone that was a total failure like me? I told myself that I was the biggest loser ever. That I had wrecked my life, the life of my kids and my ex-wife. I was well on my way to beating myself senseless because of my failure. I threw a world class guilt party. I was the guest of honor, the entire guest list, the guy who trashes the guest of honor and the guy who throws him in the dumpster at the end of the party. I invited a very special guest to this party and He wouldn't come. Can you imagine the audacity of being invited to the Destroy the Minion party and not coming? That was certainly rude don't you think? Do you know who the only guest that I actually invited was? It was God. I wanted him to condemn me just like I was doing to myself. I wanted him to tell me that I was worthless and no good just like I was telling myself.
Now, I asked him to forgive me and I knew that he would at some point maybe a few months from now after I really got a thrashing.
When I finally listened to his still small voice, all I could feel was his love for me. It is a love that I will never, ever deserve but it's there. I can't escape it. Do you know when he actually forgave me for my greatest failure? When did He finally forgive me for breaking a covenant that I made in front of Him? The instant I asked for it. I didn't have to wait three weeks. It was instantaneous. He knew before the foundation of the world that I would make mistakes and he forgave me as soon as I asked. That is the reason Jesus shed his blood on the cross. It was to erase my sin. If I asked God to forgive me now, he wouldn't know what I was talking about because He is a forgive and forget God. He doesn't hold these things against me. Guess what, when you ask Him for forgiveness, He does the same thing toward you. He loves you unconditionally, no matter what, all the time, forever and ever with every fibre of His being. He only wants good things for your life and He can take our bad mistakes and turn them into something good. He doesn't want the bad mistakes because He hates to see us in the pain that they cause but He has a million ways to make things OK.
Back to the Guilt Party - It's fine that God forgave me but I am still at this party. After all, if he won't have the decency to show up, I will do his job for him. I will beat myself silly. I can call myself all kinds of ugly names. I mean I know all my deepest, darkest secrets and who better than me to dredge them all up and use them against me now. Here is my major problem with this. If God won't condemn me and trash me out, what right do I have to do it. If he is willing to extend forgiveness to me what right do I have to keep holding the grudge against myself? So here's what I did. At 4:24 on Friday, July 29, 2011, I forgave myself. When it happened, it was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I felt so light and good. I felt like it was OK for me to be happy again. All of the sudden the world turned right side up. God totally wrecked my party and I am so glad He did.
Have you ever felt this way? I have watched many people do this to themselves so I know that I am not alone. I think most of us have. What are you refusing to forgive yourself for? If someone who did you wrong came to you with an honest and sincere repentance on their face and asked you to forgive them for something they did wrong, would you do it? I think probably you would. So why can't you forgive yourself? If you ask God for forgiveness he gives it to you instantly. All I am asking is for you to extend the same grace to yourself that he did. I know this is a process and I want to encourage you to keep at it.
Well friends, I intended this blog to talk about my greatest failure which it did but I can honestly say that I have blogged myself happy again.
And that's another Opinion of His Minion
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Drama, Drama, Drama
Someone asked me to write about why girls have so much drama. I will try to do this now. Before I start though, I need to be clear that drama comes from both girls and boys. Boys, we like to think we are drama free but that's just not really true now is it?
There are two types of drama. The drama you create and the drama that falls in your lap. I run a small company in Texas most days and I can tell you that there is a certain amount of drama that falls in my lap every day. I didn't go looking for it, it just seemed to find me. Now this drama is usually created by someone else. So from their perspective, this would be the second type of drama. The drama that they create. Regardless of who creates it, now there is a certain situation that needs to be dealt with. So what do we do next? To answer that question we have to ask another one first. How concerned are you about the person that created the drama? Are you more concerned about yourself or them? Am I leading you to answer this question a certain way? I certainly hope so.
So let's answer this question both ways. Let's say that I don't care one flip about this person. I only care about what is best for me and what I need. What the other person needs isn't really important. I don't care whether they get their need met as long as I get what I want. Well if you answer the question like this, then you really need help. We weren't put here just to get everything we want. We were put here to help others. If you are in this category, when was the last time you stopped to help someone else? But if this is you then you are either going to ignore the person creating the drama all together or do something to make their life harder with your response to them.
Now let's consider the other side of the coin. What if someone comes to you with drama and you really want to help. Before you wade off into the middle of the drama, understand this. Most drama very emotional to the person in the middle of it. Now as I have said many times, emotions signal needs. So let's look a little closer at the girl or the boy with the drama. They are emotional so what do they really need? Sometimes their drama is a legitimate need all its own. Like how to pay a bill or how to get medical help, etc. Sometimes it's not really that big a deal. But, it is a big deal to the person in the middle of it. Most of the time that a person starts drama, I think what they are really saying is, "I need attention." They are crying out. Just like a kid who feels that no one is paying attention to him will do something to get in trouble. It may not be the right type of attention but it is some attention.
I think when we grow up, we change this approach slightly. When you see someone overly dramatic, they are just asking for someone to pay attention to them. They want someone to notice them and to understand what they are going through. So let's get to one of my favorite questions, "How can I help?" Well, sometimes I can help by just listening.
There are times when a person will come in my office or call me and they just need to talk to someone that they know cares. Now there are mostly men in my office so we would never tell you that and we may not even know that. But sometimes we just need to know that there is someone else out there listening. Recently in my personal life, I have been through a lot of not nice stuff. It has been very frustrating and I felt very alone for a long time. During those times, I talked to people I worked with and I blew some stuff completely out of proportion. I made the drama and I made it big. In one instance, I acted like a complete idiot for about a week. John Wayne said, "Life is hard but life is harder when you are stupid." I was certainly making my life harder than it should have been. But the point is my friends were there to listen through the whole thing. As completely ridiculous as I looked and acted, they were there for me and they never told me how stupid I was acting.
Guess what, I have done the same thing for others on many occasions. They have brought me stuff that I thought they were blowing all out of proportion and I just listened and tried to help. Now I am not saying that you have to let your own life be totally consumed with some one's drama but I am saying that if you are a good friend, you will learn to listen to them and empathize with them a little. Give them a little attention. Most of the time, that is what they really want. Guess what, if you look at your own life, you probably create a little unnecessary drama of your own. Now don't go all defensive on me, we all do it. But to us, it isn't drama, it's something very critical to life.
So I guess the choice is yours are you a friend or not?
That's the Opinion of the Minion
There are two types of drama. The drama you create and the drama that falls in your lap. I run a small company in Texas most days and I can tell you that there is a certain amount of drama that falls in my lap every day. I didn't go looking for it, it just seemed to find me. Now this drama is usually created by someone else. So from their perspective, this would be the second type of drama. The drama that they create. Regardless of who creates it, now there is a certain situation that needs to be dealt with. So what do we do next? To answer that question we have to ask another one first. How concerned are you about the person that created the drama? Are you more concerned about yourself or them? Am I leading you to answer this question a certain way? I certainly hope so.
So let's answer this question both ways. Let's say that I don't care one flip about this person. I only care about what is best for me and what I need. What the other person needs isn't really important. I don't care whether they get their need met as long as I get what I want. Well if you answer the question like this, then you really need help. We weren't put here just to get everything we want. We were put here to help others. If you are in this category, when was the last time you stopped to help someone else? But if this is you then you are either going to ignore the person creating the drama all together or do something to make their life harder with your response to them.
Now let's consider the other side of the coin. What if someone comes to you with drama and you really want to help. Before you wade off into the middle of the drama, understand this. Most drama very emotional to the person in the middle of it. Now as I have said many times, emotions signal needs. So let's look a little closer at the girl or the boy with the drama. They are emotional so what do they really need? Sometimes their drama is a legitimate need all its own. Like how to pay a bill or how to get medical help, etc. Sometimes it's not really that big a deal. But, it is a big deal to the person in the middle of it. Most of the time that a person starts drama, I think what they are really saying is, "I need attention." They are crying out. Just like a kid who feels that no one is paying attention to him will do something to get in trouble. It may not be the right type of attention but it is some attention.
I think when we grow up, we change this approach slightly. When you see someone overly dramatic, they are just asking for someone to pay attention to them. They want someone to notice them and to understand what they are going through. So let's get to one of my favorite questions, "How can I help?" Well, sometimes I can help by just listening.
There are times when a person will come in my office or call me and they just need to talk to someone that they know cares. Now there are mostly men in my office so we would never tell you that and we may not even know that. But sometimes we just need to know that there is someone else out there listening. Recently in my personal life, I have been through a lot of not nice stuff. It has been very frustrating and I felt very alone for a long time. During those times, I talked to people I worked with and I blew some stuff completely out of proportion. I made the drama and I made it big. In one instance, I acted like a complete idiot for about a week. John Wayne said, "Life is hard but life is harder when you are stupid." I was certainly making my life harder than it should have been. But the point is my friends were there to listen through the whole thing. As completely ridiculous as I looked and acted, they were there for me and they never told me how stupid I was acting.
Guess what, I have done the same thing for others on many occasions. They have brought me stuff that I thought they were blowing all out of proportion and I just listened and tried to help. Now I am not saying that you have to let your own life be totally consumed with some one's drama but I am saying that if you are a good friend, you will learn to listen to them and empathize with them a little. Give them a little attention. Most of the time, that is what they really want. Guess what, if you look at your own life, you probably create a little unnecessary drama of your own. Now don't go all defensive on me, we all do it. But to us, it isn't drama, it's something very critical to life.
So I guess the choice is yours are you a friend or not?
That's the Opinion of the Minion
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