This Opinion was birthed out of watching a friend go through a tough time. So I sat down and thought about how I could be a good friend to this person. Hopefully it will help them and it will help you too.
I want to be a friend to this friend in need. How should I do it?
1. No matter how things feel, you are never alone. Have you ever noticed that when bad things happen in your life, sometimes you just want to withdraw? Do you get that feeling that no one has ever went through what you are going through now? Well that isn't true. There are people who have been where you are and there are still people who want to help. You and I should be these people. My life has felt very lonely at times. And because of certain circumstances, I have felt like I was all by myself on an island with no one there to help. I call it Despair Island. It is one of the worst places on earth to be because you are so alone. You feel like every part of your body hurts. You can't eat, you can't sleep and you can't seem to get your mind of the horrible creatures chasing you. What I didn't see where the boats waiting just off the beach. These boats are the other people in our lives and God who want to help. When is the last time you were a boat for someone? Understand there is a little water between you and the boat so you will have to swim a little. This isn't your boat. You didn't put it there, someone else showed up to help you. A very good friend of mine says, "We are all called to do something great, we just aren't called to do it alone." His Ivy League English is better than mine but this is the Texas translation.
2. Then instead of trying to tell them something about me, I will just listen. I will ask one question and then listen with both ears wide open. The question is - What are you feeling right now? We aren't going to find out about my day, or anything about me, we are just going to talk about what you are going through and how it makes you feel. We aren't going to talk about right and wrong, we are just going to talk about how you feel. How often have you wanted someone to just listen to what you are going through. To be a good friend, this is what you should do. Don't give advice that isn't requested. Remember, people don't care what you know until they know you care.
3. I will ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" For us Christians, this is a must - Preach the gospel at all times and if absolutely necessary, use words.
4. I can let this person know how extremely special I think they are. They have so many good qualities and they deserve the very best. I don't want them to settle for second best in any area of their life. As a matter of fact, I have peeked inside this person's box and it is pretty special. I don't see many similar to it.
5. I can also tell this person that bad times don't last, good people do. Because I have seen part of the inside of the box, I can say that this person is a good one and I know this person will last.
6. Here's what I won't do. I won't condemn this person. Do you know why? Because I have done some not nice things just like we all have. If it wasn't for the screw ups in my life, Jesus wouldn't have had to be beaten, despised, ridiculed, crucified and sent to Hell for me. He was tortured so bad that people didn't recognize him as a human because of my screw ups. Instead of condemning me for stuff I did, instead of giving me what I deserved, He took the punishment for all my bad stuff. If he took that for me, I can't condemn someone else. I can't tell them, "I told you so," when things didn't work out. To this person especially, I won't do that.
There are other ways to be a friend and since I don't know them all, I would like you to share your ideas with me.
So I will leave you with this question - How are you a friend to a friend in need?
That's the Opinion of the Minion
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The Football Player Who Couldn't Play
Today I want to continue looking at the box but this time I want to take a different approach. Let me ask this question to start - When we get a Christmas present what is the most important part? We certainly like the nice wrapping job (unless I did the wrapping), the colorful paper and the pretty bows. But after about two seconds of looking at it, we tear right through to get to the good stuff inside. Yet we do just the opposite with people?
With people sometimes their appearance is the most important. Have you ever looked at some good looking TV star who was having personal problems and thought - Why does someone with all that going for them have so many problems? The answer is the wrapping paper is more important than the gift.
If you gave me a priceless diamond for my birthday wrapped in a box and I went on and on about the way the box looked. I really admired the shiny wrapping paper and the bow. I made a big deal out of the glossy paper, opened the box and took out the diamond. Then I either threw away the diamond or worse, I told you it was worthless and dropped it.
After that I picked the box back up and played it the rest of the day. I tried to take the box to bed, to school, and to work. I showed all my friends the box and kept the box around day and night but I never ever looked at the diamond. I would be crazy. Yet we do this every day. We look at a good looking girl or guy and our first thought is about their appearance but we never even appreciate what's inside. Please don't misunderstand me, I think working out and taking care of your appearance is important and you should do this. I just think that the most precious part of a person is the inside not the outside.
Why do we do this? One of the reasons is because we don't spend enough time looking at the diamonds inside our own box. We spend time working on the outside of the box or just babysitting it. I work out about 7.5 hours a week. Is that a lot? Not really. There are so many people who work much harder than I do. But lets start with 7.5 hours a week. I spend that working on the outside of my box (and it still needs work). Do I spend at least 7.5 hours working on the important part of me (the inside)? I try to now but I didn't before. How many of us watch TV 7.5 hours a week? We spend plenty of time babysitting our minds yet we never spend anytime developing them or the other diamonds in box.
Another reason is we work on pretend gifts that aren't really in our box (phantom gifts) and we neglect the real ones that are. We do this because we think it will make other people like/accept us instead of developing the real gifts God put in us.
Let me illustrate. When I was in high school, I desperately wanted to be popular and I really wasn't. I was a pimple faced nerd. I was on the football team all four years of school (except for a couple of weeks as a sophomore) and I was one of the worst football players ever. As a matter of fact, when I quit for a few weeks, my coach told my mom that I shouldn't play because I wasn't good. It really made me mad but he was exactly right. After my sophomore year, I was one of the strongest kids on the team but I wasn't a good player. When the list came out for varsity and I wasn't on it, one of the kids in my class ridiculed me in front of people and it crushed me. This was a phantom diamond for me.
On the other hand, I was a pretty good musician in band. I played contra bass clarinet in the band and did really well as a freshman. After my freshman year, I quit the band and wouldn't play because I didn't think it would make me look cool. I couldn't appreciate the beautiful people in band because I didn't understand how really special and talented they were. I didn't think being in band would make me popular like being a jock would. Do you see what I was doing? I wasn't celebrating and developing the natural gifts God put in my box. I was working on phantom gifts because I wanted others to like me.
Unfortunately, I wasn't popular, didn't get the girl and I didn't even like me. Now, I am just me. I quit trying to be good enough for others. Whether anyone likes me or not, I really like me.
So let me ask you, two things. First, how much time are you spending on the gift vs. the box? Second, are you working on the real gifts inside you or the phantom ones just to impress someone else?
That's the Opinion of the Minion
With people sometimes their appearance is the most important. Have you ever looked at some good looking TV star who was having personal problems and thought - Why does someone with all that going for them have so many problems? The answer is the wrapping paper is more important than the gift.
If you gave me a priceless diamond for my birthday wrapped in a box and I went on and on about the way the box looked. I really admired the shiny wrapping paper and the bow. I made a big deal out of the glossy paper, opened the box and took out the diamond. Then I either threw away the diamond or worse, I told you it was worthless and dropped it.
After that I picked the box back up and played it the rest of the day. I tried to take the box to bed, to school, and to work. I showed all my friends the box and kept the box around day and night but I never ever looked at the diamond. I would be crazy. Yet we do this every day. We look at a good looking girl or guy and our first thought is about their appearance but we never even appreciate what's inside. Please don't misunderstand me, I think working out and taking care of your appearance is important and you should do this. I just think that the most precious part of a person is the inside not the outside.
Why do we do this? One of the reasons is because we don't spend enough time looking at the diamonds inside our own box. We spend time working on the outside of the box or just babysitting it. I work out about 7.5 hours a week. Is that a lot? Not really. There are so many people who work much harder than I do. But lets start with 7.5 hours a week. I spend that working on the outside of my box (and it still needs work). Do I spend at least 7.5 hours working on the important part of me (the inside)? I try to now but I didn't before. How many of us watch TV 7.5 hours a week? We spend plenty of time babysitting our minds yet we never spend anytime developing them or the other diamonds in box.
Another reason is we work on pretend gifts that aren't really in our box (phantom gifts) and we neglect the real ones that are. We do this because we think it will make other people like/accept us instead of developing the real gifts God put in us.
Let me illustrate. When I was in high school, I desperately wanted to be popular and I really wasn't. I was a pimple faced nerd. I was on the football team all four years of school (except for a couple of weeks as a sophomore) and I was one of the worst football players ever. As a matter of fact, when I quit for a few weeks, my coach told my mom that I shouldn't play because I wasn't good. It really made me mad but he was exactly right. After my sophomore year, I was one of the strongest kids on the team but I wasn't a good player. When the list came out for varsity and I wasn't on it, one of the kids in my class ridiculed me in front of people and it crushed me. This was a phantom diamond for me.
On the other hand, I was a pretty good musician in band. I played contra bass clarinet in the band and did really well as a freshman. After my freshman year, I quit the band and wouldn't play because I didn't think it would make me look cool. I couldn't appreciate the beautiful people in band because I didn't understand how really special and talented they were. I didn't think being in band would make me popular like being a jock would. Do you see what I was doing? I wasn't celebrating and developing the natural gifts God put in my box. I was working on phantom gifts because I wanted others to like me.
Unfortunately, I wasn't popular, didn't get the girl and I didn't even like me. Now, I am just me. I quit trying to be good enough for others. Whether anyone likes me or not, I really like me.
So let me ask you, two things. First, how much time are you spending on the gift vs. the box? Second, are you working on the real gifts inside you or the phantom ones just to impress someone else?
That's the Opinion of the Minion
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