Love Part 1

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to begin a several part blog on love.  This is one topic that I need to know much more about.  See, I love my wife and I love my children.  But what does that really mean?  Does it mean I feel warm inside when I'm with my wife?  Does it mean I really enjoy my children?  The answer to both of those questions is sometimes yes and sometimes no.  But it doesn't change the fact that I love them both.

But, before we get to what love is, I want to take the rest of this blog to talk about what love is not.  For those of you who read this blog inside the United State, we use this word entirely too much and we water down what it really means.  You might hear someone say, "I love my car" or "I love my school" or something else.  But that's not real love.  You can enjoy your car and you can really enjoy your school but real love is reserved for something else.

For all you young ladies let me tell you something else that is not love.  If a guy starts telling you he loves you and then starts pressuring you to have a physical relationship with him, that's not love.  That's lust and selfishness.  See anything someone uses to get something from you, is not love.  When you are dating, you might have heard if you love me, you will do this or that.  But that's not really love, most of the time it's someone trying to con you into getting something they want.

I've even heard Christians say that you are not walking in love if you don't give them the money they need or give them something else they want.  Again, that is not love.  Love does not seek to get it's own stuff.  Now let me ask you this, where are you upset with someone else because you aren't getting what you want from them?  It could be that you need rethink how you love are loving someone.

When we think about love, we often think of a feeling, but that is not love either.  Feelings are great and when I feel really close to my wife and get those warm, gooey feelings about her, I really enjoy them but that doesn't define my love for her.  In fact, I don't think feelings have anything to do with true love at all.

Well, I like to keep these fairly short so we will pick it up here next time with a little more about what love is not.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Pressure Your Pressure

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to talk about something that has been in my spirit for a little while.  Are there things in your life that you are believing God to make happen?  Maybe you are trying to lose weight, get out of debt or make better grades.  It's possible you are dealing with something even much more serious - a loved one who you want to know Christ, deliverance from drugs or something else.  That's what I want  to deal with today.

Have you ever worked hard on something and don't really see results?  You say, I have tried to study more or I have tried to lose that weight and no matter what I do, it won't come off?  Are you feeling pressured to quit the diet, quit studying, stop believing for your loved one?  Well we have all been there.  I know I have.  That pressure is really heavy right?  On top of that, nothing seems to be moving right?

Well there is a law in physics that says something like every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  When you push down on a table, the pressure you put on it will actually cause you to rise.  But if you increase the pressure you are putting on that table, it may look like nothing is happening.  So you push down some more and still nothing happens.  Then you push even harder and nothing happens.  You keep increasing the pressure and finally you hear the table legs start to creek and this encouragement causes you to put even more pressure on the table.  Why hasn't the table broken?  It is putting as much pressure back on you as you are putting on it.

But at some point, if you keep increasing the pressure, the table will buckle.  One minute you are pushing on it and it is pushing back on you.  The next minute the table is not able to exert enough pressure back on you to stand and it falls.

That's the way it is with the problems in life.  The reason we don't see immediate victory is because our problems are pressuring us but guess what, there is no movement.  That means we are putting pressure on our problem!  If we keep it up, sooner or later, the problem will buckle because it can't handle the pressure you are putting on it.

So I want to encourage you.  If you are trying to loose weight, keep at it.  You might not see the results you want immediately but keep pressuring your pressure.  Those pounds will come off.  If you want to get out of debt, keep the pressure on your debt.  It will leave.

If you are using your faith and believing God to bring a loved one into the kingdom or something else in your life then keep at it.  To use a line from a song I heard the Crabb family sing, "Just hold on.  My God will show up and He will take you through the fire again!"

Well, I've blogged myself happy again.  That's another Opinion of the Minion.

One Degree

Today I want to talk about direction and goals.  First of all, is it important to have goals?  Well for some it may not be.  I know some people who's personalities really don't lend themselves to concrete goals.  They meander through life and enjoy it.  For them it is a peaceful way to live and goals really mess things up.  For me, that would be a difficult way to live but I must admit that there are days when I envy them.  I am not a hard core goal nut who has to have a goal for everything in life (at least I don't think I am) but I do think that goals are important.

After all, if you don't know where you are going, how will you know when you get there right?  That's where I think goals are important.  For many of you who read this blog, your goal might be to graduate high school or college.  You may have never thought of it that way but if you are in high school, your goal is definitely to get out right?

Well after we get out of college goals can be a little more vague.  For most, the goal is to get married, raise a family, provide for retirement, etc.  But I know so many people who really don't have any plan for their lives and after we are adults, I think that is not healthy.  Let's say your goal is to get out of debt.  What is the plan?  How are you going to cut spending or increase your income?  Is that plan realistic.  Let me take you back a couple of years to when I first really started financial goals.  Back then, I used budgets to justify going further into debt.  Harry Potter movies were more realistic than my budgets.  So are your goals something you can measure?  Remember if you don't have a destination, how will you know when you get there?

Now I want to get to my point for this e-mail.  Sometimes we set goals for ourselves and we come up with good plans to get where we want to be.  For many of us, it is to be good parents and take care of our children.  For me, one of my biggest goals is to walk closer with God.  Now that goal is a great one but it is a little hard to measure.  When I was losing weight, I could step on a scale and the number it displayed would tell me if I was progressing toward my goal or not.  But with my walk with God, I didn't have as concrete or measurable goal.

But here is what I noticed recently.  I have drifted a little away from the Lord.  Now I didn't backslide to hell by any means and I didn't fall into sin or deny Christ or anything close to that.  However, I did notice I was not a peace.  I hit times that weren't as fun as they should be and I couldn't figure out why.  While this isn't the only reason for my frustration, it is an important one.  I knew I had to get back to a closer walk with the Lord.  As I made a fresh commitment to walk closer to Him, I noticed that I didn't have to turn and run back to where I last felt close.  See He followed me on my journey.  The Bible says He will never leave you nor forsake you and He didn't.  He was right there when I went looking for him.  It was great and definitely refreshing.

One of the big questions in my mind was how did I get to this place were I had lost my peace.  I didn't hurt anyone; cuss anyone; do wrong that I knew of so what happened.  The answer is I got one degree off course.  I didn't take His presence seriously enough in my day to day life.  I quit praying as much as I should.  I quit reading His word and my daily devotional with as much attention as I should.  The next thing I knew I was out of peace.  Did you know that if an airplane starts flying from Fort Worth to Paris and it is only one degree off course it can wind up miles and miles from it's goal?  Well that's exactly what I think happened to me.

So let me leave you with this.  What are your goals in life?  Have you ever woken up to find yourself way off course?  If so, all you have to do is rededicate to your goals and set your course straight.  Then take time regularly to check and see if you are still headed where you want to go.  If you aren't simply fix the course.  Many of you may not be where you want to be with Christ at this particular moment.  If that's so, getting back to where you need to be with him is easy because even if you quit paying attention to Him, He never left your side.  If that's you, would you pray this simple prayer.  "Father, please forgive me.  I strayed from my course with you.  Please help me get back into Your perfect will for my life."  If you prayed that prayer, then you are back at the right place with God.  Now search His will out for your life and get ready for the adventure of a lifetime.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Old Friends

Today I want to discuss a subject that I have come to appreciate more in the last week.  I want to talk about friendship.  Before I get to my Opinion for this blog, I need to back up a little.

Not that long ago, a good friend of mine, A, went home to be with the Lord after a long fight with cancer.  Now A and I stayed in touch over the years but we didn't stay as close as we were growing up.  I met A when I was in the 7th grade and we are both 41 (A is very much alive, he just went to a place called Heaven).  I still have fond memories of playing football.  A played center and if I remember correctly, he was a starter on the 1st team (or A team) when we were in middle school.  We are a lot alike.  I can still see him wearing his 3/4 top Nike Monster cleats when we played ball.  Later we called him "Hair" because when we were in high school he had long hair.

I also have very fond memories of us playing hide and go seek when we were in middle school with a whole group of kids from our neighborhood.  When we played, our boundaries were several blocks in every direction and we had a lot of fun.  Now A wasn't the only kid I hung out with.  There was B.  He was the high school baseball stud pitcher when we were in school and interestingly enough, he was also very smart.  For a while B and I were best friends and we were inseparable.

There were other kids in the neighborhood too - B and his little brother A, B and his little brother C and  several others.  For the sake of time I will stop right there except to say that B and I went to see my friend A the other day.  It was a very hard time for both of us.

Now let me fast forward to watching my own kids.  Over the last week, I had the opportunity to watch my kids pretty closely and one thing I noticed was that a couple of them were not very well adjusted to playing with other kids.  Why?  Well, one answer is that they don't have very many kids around them to play with.  That small fact - having kids around to play with - was something I realized was a true blessing in my life and also something that I see missing in my kids lives.  I learned a lot last week.  I can't say it was an easy week but it was certainly rewarding.

So let me leave you with the two things I learned from this past week.  First of all, kids need to be around other kids.  So parents please find ways to help your kids socialize.  Second of all, grew to really appreciate all the great kids I grew up with.  A, you will be missed.  I love you and even though we didn't stay as close as either of us would like, I miss you.  Let me leave you with this - Appreciate your friends.  They are truly a gift from God.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

The Minion and the Box

My last blog was about the Box.  In the interest of time, I will not go over that post here.  If you haven't read it yet, you might want to read that one before this one.  This one will make more sense if you do.

Last time, I talked about the great gifts that God sends to our planet.  One of them is you and I described what these gifts looked like to me.  The people that God sends to earth look like very pretty presents.  Now over time here on earth, the Boxes get holes and tears in them.  Sometimes stuff gets inside the box that doesn't belong.  Instead of character strengths, there are character flaws.  But know this, God never took the talents and gifts out of any of the Boxes.  In other words, when He placed gifts inside of you, he never took them out again.  Well, you might say, I know this person or that person and they are not nice.  Osama Bin Laden was not a nice person was he?  He is responsible for the deaths of many people.  But did you know that God put great gifts inside him when he sent him to the earth.  Guess what.  Those gifts were still inside him when he left the earth.  Unfortunately, they were never seen like God intended.

Most of us don't know anyone like that.  But many of us know people who just aren't nice.  Guess what.  God put those gifts inside them too and they are permanently there.  No matter how bad the devil would like to get them out of us, he simply doesn't have the power to take them out.  We can choose not to develop them but Satan can't steal them from us.  

Here is another interesting note.  Have you ever noticed that we are quick to point out the holes in the box or the tears in the paper but we typically don't notice the gold on the inside?  Well it seems like that happens regularly.  Take the kid at school who doesn't dress like you do or maybe she is just a little shy.  Maybe she sits by herself at lunch and everyone thinks she is strange.  There is something great inside that person that should be celebrated.  Let me illustrate with a story I once heard.

There was this church that got a new member.  The new member was a very pretty lady who happened to wear shorts that were too short and a shirt that was cut way too low to church every Sunday.  This went on for several weeks and the ladies of the church got more and more upset about the whole thing.  They were calling her all sorts of ugly names.  But right in the middle of it all, someone decided that they were going to buy her a dress and make her clean up her act.  Well when they brought the woman the dress she was overjoyed to have something so beautiful to wear to church.  It turns out that she came from a very bad situation and the short shorts and low cut shirt were the best things she had to wear.  She was very thankful to have something much less revealing to wear to church.  That woman had a very admirable trait.  What was it you ask?  She learned to do her very best even if it wasn't as good as someone else.  Also, she had the courage to go to church when she wasn't able to dress like everyone else.  I like that.

Let me tell you about a boy I know.  Now on the outside, he is not the most athletic.  He is in middle school and he is just like every other sixth grader struggling to cope with this new phase in his life.  I remember my time there and would not want to do it again.  This particular kid loves to build things.  Now it would be easy to push him to do more athletics like football or baseball but instead the right thing for his parents is to encourage him to build things.  See he may never be the captain of the football team but what if he builds the next Golden Gate bridge or what if he invents something that will get us off of oil for fuel?  It would be a waste to try to make him something he is not.  Instead, we need to celebrate the gift for building things that God put inside his Box.

So what am I telling you?  Take a little time to look inside someone's box and celebrate who they are today.

That's another Opinion of the Minion 

What to Forget

OK, on Monday we discussed what to remember.  Now let's talk about the other side of the coin.  We need to talk about what to forget.

Most of us have embarrassing moments in our life or times when we failed.  Because these were so painful, we can recall them in very vivid detail.  I remember my junior year of high school.  All of the good athletes made the varsity football team that year.  I was stronger than most of the kids in my class and thought I would be a lock to make varsity as well.  The first week of two a days, I was even a starter on the offensive line.  But there was one practice where we were supposed to work on pass blocking.  This kid across the line from me was quicker than I was and he ran right by me and sacked the quarterback three or four plays in a row.

Not only was I demoted from a varsity starter, I was sent to the junior varsity team.  It was humiliating.  To make matters worse, when the list came out and I everyone knew I was on the JV team, a certain classmate of mine made a very vocal point of telling everyone around that I was JV.  That was even more humiliating.  When I tell this story, I can still feel part of those humiliating emotions inside me.  They aren't very big and it certainly doesn't bother me but it is still a reminder of a failure in my past.

There was another time while I was at TCU that I was trying to make an ROTC sport team called Ranger Challenge.  Now the TCU team was one of the top squads in the nation and I really wanted to make the team.  At the very first of the season, I was running pretty well and I had a good shot at making it.  Then I got hurt playing softball and ended up being a back up.  I was devastated and it sent me into a depression.  Now my friends on Ranger Challenge never said anything.  They were great guys about the whole thing but I was still embarrassed.  This even happened at least 15 years ago and I still remember it pretty well.

Yet, when I graduated from law school, I graduated Cum Laude and 4th in my class.  I certainly remember doing this but it is more of a distant memory and it only happened about 10 years ago.

So why do I remember my failures more vividly than my successes?  Because pain can stay around longer than that feeling of happiness that comes from success.  Now I can certainly tell you that after all these years, I learned lessons from both of the failures I described above and that's a good thing.  But I let my ROTC failure ruin my grades at TCU.  I let my high school failure completely shake my confidence.

So here is what we should learn from what I did.  There are certain things that we just have to choose to forget.  I'm not saying that you will completely forget those bad things that happened to you.  Obviously I remember high school and TCU to this day.  But we do have to choose to let go of what happened and we definitely have to learn to "forget" the pain involved.  If we don't let go of those bad events in our lives, we will never have an opportunity to reach for and then celebrate success.

If we continue to hold onto and relive those bad memories too long, it's like trying to swim with cement shoes on.  It will just keep dragging us down.  We will never be able to soar to the heights God intended if we continue to focus on our failures.  Now I am not telling you to pretend that bad things didn't happen and I'm also not telling you to never be sad when bad things happened.  That would be ridiculous.  But what I am saying is after you have had some time to feel sad, let it go.  Don't go around talking to yourself or other people about your failure, let it go and start climbing to the next place God has in store for you.  No matter how bad things are in your life right now, God has a good plan for your life.

So let me sum this up by saying that there are going to be bad circumstances in our lives that we have to deal with.  I know they are there.  However, if we keep our focus on all the bad things that happen to us and never choose to focus on the great things we have done or that God has done for us, we will never achieve the full potential God has for our lives.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

The Football Player Who Couldn't Play

Today I want to continue looking at the box but this time I want to take a different approach.  Let me ask this question to start - When we get a Christmas present what is the most important part?  We certainly like the nice wrapping job (unless I did the wrapping), the colorful paper and the pretty bows.  But after about two seconds of looking at it, we tear right through to get to the good stuff inside.  Yet we do just the opposite with people?

With people sometimes their appearance is the most important.  Have you ever looked at some good looking TV star who was having personal problems and thought - Why does someone with all that going for them have so many problems?  The answer is the wrapping paper is more important than the gift. 

If you gave me a priceless diamond for my birthday wrapped in a box and I went on and on about the way the box looked. I really admired the shiny wrapping paper and the bow.  I made a big deal out of the glossy paper, opened the box and took out the diamond.  Then I either threw away the diamond or worse, I told you it was worthless and dropped it. 

After that I picked the box back up and played it the rest of the day.  I tried to take the box to bed, to school, and to work.  I showed all my friends the box and kept the box around day and night but I never ever looked at the diamond.  I would be crazy.  Yet we do this every day.  We look at a good looking girl or guy and our first thought is about their appearance but we never even appreciate what's inside.  Please don't misunderstand me, I think working out and taking care of your appearance is important and you should do this.  I just think that the most precious part of a person is the inside not the outside.

Why do we do this?  One of the reasons is because we don't spend enough time looking at the diamonds inside our own box.  We spend time working on the outside of the box or just babysitting it.  I work out about 7.5 hours a week.  Is that a lot?  Not really.  There are so many people who work much harder than I do.  But lets start with 7.5 hours a week.  I spend that working on the outside of my box (and it still needs work).  Do I spend at least 7.5 hours working on the important part of me (the inside)?  I try to now but I didn't before.  How many of us watch TV 7.5 hours a week?  We spend plenty of time babysitting our minds yet we never spend anytime developing them or the other diamonds in box.

Another reason is we work on pretend gifts that aren't really in our box (phantom gifts) and we neglect the real ones that are.  We do this because we think it will make other people like/accept us instead of developing the real gifts God put in us. 

Let me illustrate.  When I was in high school, I desperately wanted to be popular and I really wasn't.  I was a pimple faced nerd.  I was on the football team all four years of school (except for a couple of weeks as a sophomore) and I was one of the worst football players ever.  As a matter of fact, when I quit for a few weeks, my coach told my mom that I shouldn't play because I wasn't good.  It really made me mad but he was exactly right.  After my sophomore year, I was one of the strongest kids on the team but I wasn't a good player.  When the list came out for varsity and I wasn't on it, one of the kids in my class ridiculed me in front of people and it crushed me.  This was a phantom diamond for me.

On the other hand, I was a pretty good musician in band.  I played contra bass clarinet in the band and did really well as a freshman.  After my freshman year, I quit the band and wouldn't play because I didn't think it would make me look cool.  I couldn't appreciate the beautiful people in band because I didn't understand how really special and talented they were.  I didn't think being in band would make me popular like being a jock would.  Do you see what I was doing?  I wasn't celebrating and developing the natural gifts God put in my box.  I was working on phantom gifts because I wanted others to like me. 

Unfortunately, I wasn't popular, didn't get the girl and I didn't even like me.  Now, I am just me.  I quit trying to be good enough for others.  Whether anyone likes me or not, I really like me.

So let me ask you, two things.  First, how much time are you spending on the gift vs. the box?  Second, are you working on the real gifts inside you or the phantom ones just to impress someone else?

That's the Opinion of the Minion