Drama, Drama, Drama

Someone asked me to write about why girls have so much drama.  I will try to do this now.  Before I start though, I need to be clear that drama comes from both girls and boys.  Boys, we like to think we are drama free but that's just not really true now is it?

There are two types of drama.  The drama you create and the drama that falls in your lap.  I run a small company in Texas most days and I can tell you that there is a certain amount of drama that falls in my lap every day.  I didn't go looking for it, it just seemed to find me.  Now this drama is usually created by someone else.  So from their perspective, this would be the second type of drama.  The drama that they create.  Regardless of who creates it, now there is a certain situation that needs to be dealt with.  So what do we do next?  To answer that question we have to ask another one first.  How concerned are you about the person that created the drama?  Are you more concerned about yourself or them?  Am I leading you to answer this question a certain way?  I certainly hope so.

So let's answer this question both ways.  Let's say that I don't care one flip about this person.  I only care about what is best for me and what I need.  What the other person needs isn't really important.  I don't care whether they get their need met as long as I get what I want.  Well if you answer the question like this, then you really need help.  We weren't put here just to get everything we want.  We were put here to help others.  If you are in this category, when was the last time you stopped to help someone else?  But if this is you then you are either going to ignore the person creating the drama all together or do something to make their life harder with your response to them.

Now let's consider the other side of the coin.  What if someone comes to you with drama and you really want to help.  Before you wade off into the middle of the drama, understand this.  Most drama very emotional to the person in the middle of it.  Now as I have said many times, emotions signal needs.  So let's look a little closer at the girl or the boy with the drama.  They are emotional so what do they really need?  Sometimes their drama is a legitimate need all its own.  Like how to pay a bill or how to get medical help, etc.  Sometimes it's not really that big a deal.  But, it is a big deal to the person in the middle of it.  Most of the time that a person starts drama, I think what they are really saying is, "I need attention."  They are crying out.  Just like a kid who feels that no one is paying attention to him will do something to get in trouble.  It may not be the right type of attention but it is some attention.

I think when we grow up, we change this approach slightly.  When you see someone overly dramatic, they are just asking for someone to pay attention to them.  They want someone to notice them and to understand what they are going through.  So let's get to one of my favorite questions, "How can I help?"  Well, sometimes I can help by just listening.

There are times when a person will come in my office or call me and they just need to talk to someone that they know cares.  Now there are mostly men in my office so we would never tell you that and we may not even know that.  But sometimes we just need to know that there is someone else out there listening.  Recently in my personal life, I have been through a lot of not nice stuff.  It has been very frustrating and I felt very alone for a long time.  During those times, I talked to people I worked with and I blew some stuff completely out of proportion.  I made the drama and I made it big.  In one instance, I acted like a complete idiot for about a week.  John Wayne said, "Life is hard but life is harder when you are stupid."  I was certainly making my life harder than it should have been.  But the point is my friends were there to listen through the whole thing.  As completely ridiculous as I looked and acted, they were there for me and they never told me how stupid I was acting.

Guess what, I have done the same thing for others on many occasions.  They have brought me stuff that I thought they were blowing all out of proportion and I just listened and tried to help.  Now I am not saying that you have to let your own life be totally consumed with some one's drama but I am saying that if you are a good friend, you will learn to listen to them and empathize with them a little.  Give them a little attention.  Most of the time, that is what they really want.  Guess what, if you look at your own life, you probably create a little unnecessary drama of your own.  Now don't go all defensive on me, we all do it.  But to us, it isn't drama, it's something very critical to life.

So I guess the choice is yours are you a friend or not?

That's the Opinion of the Minion

Friendship vs. Dating Part 2

Today I want to continue our discussion on relationships.  From those of you who posted comments, the general impression I get is that friendships are much easier than “dating” relationships.  In some ways they seem preferable to dating relationships.  But isn’t finding true love one of the major goals in life?  Don’t we want to find that one special person?  How can we do that if we don’t “date”?  Or is dating just what we do to satisfy the physical needs we have?  It’s like we are saying   So now I have someone who is my friend and then I have someone else who I date.  Before I get to my next point, I would like DD to tell you how she views what we do when we meet someone new.

DD - I think in general there are two “circles” the opposite sex falls into when you meet them.  Friendship or Dating.  Of course it’s not that simple though.  That’s like saying relationships are black or white.  If only.  So I will add a middle ground called the “grey” area.  This area is where the two circles mix.  I think in general, when we meet someone new, we place them into either a friendship circle or dating circle.  Naturally, this is based on looks.  What else do you have to base it on?  You don’t know their personality, what motivates them or what their interests are.  I also think women “place” men into one circle or the other based on looks as much as men do it.  It’s the process of getting to know a person that creates the grey area.  Ladies, say you immediately place a guy into the “dating circle.”  He meets whatever conscious or subconscious criteria for what you find attractive.  Then you find yourself in a social setting with this guy and all he does is talk about himself.  He never shows interest in what makes you tick, only him.  Over time, he slowly becomes less and less attractive.  He might initially move from the dating circle to the “grey” area.  You’re still attracted to him and would still be interested in going out but then over time, he moves into the solid “friendship” circle.  Now I whole-heartedly believe a guy can start out in the friendship circle and over time move through the gray area and into the dating area.  Take the movie Hitch, for example.  Kevin James’ character, Albert Brennaman, has placed the celebrity, Allegra Cole, directly in the dating circle.  I don’t think his placement is based solely on looks though.  He has been around her in the investment meetings and likes that she wants to invest her money into her friend’s business.  After she meets him, I think she placed him in the friendship circle.  But as she got to know him better, she moved Albert into the grey area.  And by the end of the movie, when she realized the dancing, the mustard on his shirt, and pulling out the inhaler wasn’t an act, she moved him into the dating circle.

So we now have these circles that we place people in.  Let me ask a very scary question.  What would happen if I found a girl that I placed in the friend category?  What if that person became someone that I shared my most inner thoughts, secrets, concerns, successes and failures with?  What if that person was the one who was there for me without judgment and I was there for her without judgment?  What if we enjoyed doing the same things and were really relaxed just hanging out together?  What if she was someone I felt I could totally be myself around (the good, the bad, and the ugly)?  What if she was the first person I wanted to talk to when things went good or bad and I was the same for her?  What if she was my best friend?  Then what if I kissed her?

What do you think?

That's the Opinion of a couple of Minions