Changing You

As I sit here working on a project that the Lord has placed in my heart, I believe he gave me something for this blog.  Today I want to talk about change.

As many of you know, I used to weigh 350 pounds.  I lost a lot of weight and am certainly a different man today.  I am so thankful to God that he got me from where I was to where I am.  But there was a part of that journey that really hit home to me this morning.

See, I was like most people who have weight issues.  I tried every diet that I could think of and most more than once trying to loose weight but I couldn't do it.  I tried Atkins (more than once before it actually worked).  I tried counting calories.  I even tried some 30 year old three day diet that my boss had.  None of them worked.  Here is the hardest part.  Every time I started one of those diets, I would make it a point to tell everyone that I was going on the diet.  I would start all of them with good intentions.  When we went out to eat, I would eat whatever was on the diet of the day.  I could normally stick with it for at least a few days.  Occasionally I would make it a week or two before I fell off the wagon.

I was also the king of starting a diet "tomorrow" or "next week."  I would even tell my friends this.  Several times I would decide right before Thanksgiving that I was going on a diet.  I was married then and my ex-wife's family had a massive gathering at our house.  Now they always brought that good Paula Dean kind of food.  I recently heard someone say that she wasn't a chef because of what she cooked.  Well if you are from the south, you know that her food will put a smile on your face that Ajax won't take off.  Lynn's family always had the best turkey and dressing with all the trimmings plus the best homemade desserts in the world.  Now obviously I couldn't really start a diet on that day so it was always going to start the day after Thanksgiving.  It never did.

Eventually, I think my friends and family refused to believe me when I said I was starting a diet.  They had good reason not to believe based on what they were seeing from me.  After all, I never kept my word about the diet.  Not once.  So most people didn't believe me.

One day, I told my trainer JC (no not Jesus Christ - but maybe I should start more training with Him) I was going on a diet.  He told me something that still resonates with me today.  Now I pay my trainer to train me and I am certainly not used to people I pay talking to me in this manner but he was right.  He said, "Tommy, you are full of sh*&.  Don't ever lie to my face again about dieting.  When you get tired of being fat, you won't be fat anymore and you won't have to tell anyone.  They will know."  He was exactly right.

I never told anyone I was going on a diet again.  As I started losing weight, people would notice and say something to me.  See, I didn't have to work to get someone to see what I wanted them to.  I just did it and they saw the result.

I said all that to say this.  When you get tired of whatever issue you are facing, go to God and ask for his help overcoming it.  The two of you will beat anything that you want to get rid of.  But many times when you make that decision, people won't get excited about it.  That's OK.  It's your vision for your life not theirs.  Don't worry about it.  Once you decide to change something, just cling to your decision with all your might.  I don't even think you need to tell anyone that you decided to change.  Just make the change and everyone else around you will see it.  And remember, God is right there to help you through any problem or area of life you want to change.  He won't do everything for you but he will supply what you need to change your life.

I want to encourage you today.  What area are you facing that you want to change?  Take it to God and get his direction.  Then just go about changing.  Don't tell anyone - just do it.  When the results are shown, people will see it.  But know this - You and God can overcome any challenge you face.  Well, once again, I have blogged myself happy.

That's another Opinion of the Minion.

Don't Quit Minion

Through this journey called The Opinion of the Minion, I have had the privilege of putting my opinions out there for people to read.  I continue to be baffled by the support you, the reader, have shown.  Again, I can't say thank you enough.  Today, my opinion is only two words but they are extremely powerful.

Don't Quit!

Don't quit what you ask.  Well I can't answer that question.  Only you know what you are going through.  But I know this.  Tough times don't last, tough people do.  Whatever you are facing in life, you can make it through.  Even if no one believes in you and even though I don't know most of you personally, I do believe in you.  How can you believe in someone you don't really know?  Well that's an interesting question.  I believed in God and His son Jesus before I knew them and my life has never been the same.  Also, sometimes it's easier for me to believe in someone I can't see than it is to believe in someone I know.  So from the bottom of my heart, that I do believe in you.

I want to tell you two stories.  The first is about my friend Al.  Al and I have known each other since middle school (for almost 30 years).  Now Al is one of those guys.  You know the type.  He's the guy that everyone likes.  He would literally give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  I know because once I asked for a car (we called it the Tank) and he practically gave it to me.  He was a much better friend to me than I was to him growing up.

Now if you are in the mood to run someone into the ground verbally or when you get that real urge to gossip about someone, we all know the people who will pitch in and run others into the ground with us.  Al is NOT one of those people.  I think he would find something nice to say about the devil.  It's just the way he is.  So it shook me to the core several months ago when I found out that he had throat cancer.  We were only 39 at the time he found out and we are both only 40 now.  So Al went through the treatments and we hoped it was over.  But unfortunately, it wasn't.  We recently found out that there was more cancer to deal with and this stuff is really serious.  I won't share the details to protect his privacy but I will tell you that he has a beautiful wife and two great kids.

So last Saturday, I called Al.  After all, I write the Minion and the Lord uses to cheer other people up sometimes.  He uses me to help people feel better and if there was anyone I wanted to feel better, it was Al. When I finally got him on the phone, I was totally shocked at what happened.  I called to tell him to hang in there and try to encourage him but I never got the chance.  He was encouraging me and blessing me.  That's not the way it was supposed to go but Al's attitude floored me.  He said he had too much to live for and that he was planning on seeing his grand kids, etc.  I wanted to tell him, don't quit.  But that thought never entered his mind.  He started telling me stories about the other people he had helped.  Can you believe that!  Here this man is facing a very serious cancer situation and he is more concerned about helping others than what was going on with him.  It was a truly humbling experience.  I hope my heart is as big as Al's one day.

I posted on FaceBook about this a couple of days ago and the response astounded me.  Many of you are praying for Al.  I saw people from literally all over the world who were and I have no way to express my gratitude to you all.

So if you are in a hard place, don't quit.  God can see you through.

But maybe you aren't having it real tough right now.  So you look at this post and say, it really doesn't apply to you.  Not so fast.  Look around you.  There are people who need your encouragement.  If you are emotionally full, find someone to encourage.  Don't be discouraged if they don't receive it immediately.  Just keep at it.

I have a very special friend who is writing a book.  Now I have went so far as to day dream about the time when I will go to this person's book signing.  I can see this person's book published and this person receiving royalties for the book (no it's not my book).  I went as far as telling this person about what I say for them.  Now at first, I don't think this person could see what I saw and I got push back about thinking too big.  But then something amazing started happening.  This person is starting to believe that this will happen.  It's baby steps but it's going forward.  Watching confidence grow in this person is so rewarding.

So take a look around you.  Who needs your help?  Find some way to encourage them.  One day, you will be on the other side of this and need some encouragement yourself.  If you are on the other side, DON'T QUIT.  You can make it through the struggle.  God believes in you and I believe in you.  If you will decide to believe in you that makes three of us!  You can accomplish what you set out to do.

I have said it before and it's true again.  I have blogged myself happy.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

A Minion's Test

Today, I want to talk to you about something many people want but can't seem to figure out how to get.  It's a testimony or a success story about their life.

Before we get very far, let me say that you cannot have a testimony or a success story without first having a test or trial.  Now I don't know about you but I like the testimony part of things.  I can tell many areas where God has touched my life and I do have several cool testimonies.  I can tell you how God changed my finances, weight, personal fitness level, or how his love is in the process of totally consuming my life.  All of these areas are good stories to tell and several people say I should write a book about them.  I do like to tell the story and I really enjoy watching people's faces as I tell my weight loss story and while much of it is painful, there are some really funny things that happened while I was losing all the weight (Ask me sometime about the Spanks story).  I have a gift that came from my dad.  I can tell a story and generally make people laugh.  Most of the time, they laugh at me but I don't really mind, especially when it comes to my weight loss.

Even when I weighed 350 pounds, I would tell stories that made people laugh at me.  Back then, I did it because I figured that if I was making them laugh, it was somehow better than them laughing at the fat guy behind my back.  I guess that's a little twisted but that's where I was.  Obviously I am not anywhere near that weight and it doesn't bother me at all for people to tell me I was really fat because it's true.  That's part of my testimony.

But why doesn't it bother me anymore if people say I was fat when it would really hurt my feelings back then?  Well that's where the test comes in.  If I wasn't tested where my weight is concerned, I would never have had a testimony.  The test for me was many month's long and required me to totally change my life when it came to what I ate and how much I exercised.  During that test, there were many days that I failed but obviously more than not, I succeeded but every day for 14 long months was a test.  Was I going to eat carbohydrates or not?  Was I going to exercise or not?  How was my attitude going to be?

All these things tested my will and strength of mind.  And food was a regular test.  At one point, I walked into my office and my office manager had been to Krispy Kream donuts.  He brought one dozen of those hot fresh morsels from heaven into my office and you could smell them from one end of the office to the other.  That was a two fold test.  The first part was do I eat the donuts or not.  The second part was harder and it was do I kill him for bringing them into my office (I wanted to be just like Cain and Able.  I was going to just kill him and tell my aunt he died).  OK, obviously I am joking on the second point but the first test was very real.  Guess how many I ate that day?  0 - Not one single donut.  I passed that test and now I have a testimony.

Let me ask you this.  What areas of life are you struggling in?  Where to you want to have a testimony?  What success would you like to be able to tell people you have conquered.  Is it weigh, finances, relationships, grades?  Maybe it's something more serious like drugs, pornography, or some other very strong addiction.  Maybe it's just being able to get out of bed ten minutes earlier every day.  Regardless of what you want your testimony to be, know that you have to pass the test first.  If you don't pass the test today, you get to try again tomorrow.  So if you want to create your testimony, you have to pass your test.  If you have struggled with something in your life you want to change, don't quit.  That's part of your testimony.  If you fail 100 times but try 101 times, you will succeed.  So don't quit.  Keep taking the test until you have written the testimony you want.

And that's another Opinion of the Minion

A Midsummer Minion's Dream

Today, I want to talk to you about dreams.  How often do you sit and dream?  I do it all the time.  I day dream about all kinds of situations in my life.  I have visions of what a right relationship would look like and see myself there.  I think dreaming is something important that we have missed in our lives.  I was in church on Sunday and heard this message.  Then I went back to a totally different church and heard the same message about vision and dreams on Sunday night.  Do you think God was trying to tell me something?  In the last couple of weeks I have had two very strong revelations from the bible about dreams.  So here we go.

We all have dreams.  As I have said before, when I was in high school, I dreamed of going to Annapolis and then on to fly F-14s for the US Navy.  Well that one didn't come to pass but that's OK.  Top Gun is still one of my favorite movies of all time.  I love the end because Tom Cruise overcomes tragedy and saves the day.  It's my kind of movie. 

I also dreamed about going to law school one day and becoming Perry Mason.  I was going to argue cases and be the greatest lawyer ever to walk the planet.  Well that partly happened.  I did graduate law school and technically I am a lawyer but I don't practice much.  If you have ever had me as your lawyer, you know I am no Perry Mason.  ;)  But I am happy with me and I am glad I went to school.  When I told people about my dream some of them said I would never make it.  Some said it to my face and some said it behind my back but that's OK.  That dream was working inside me and guess what, I made it.

Now here is a dream that I am going to share with you that I have never made public.  Only a few people know about this one but I want to share it with you now.  For years I dreamed of being the President of the United States.  I could see myself in the Oval Office.  I could see myself making right decisions and governing wisely.  I read scriptures about how when the righteous rule the people rejoice.  Many people say they wouldn't want the job but I wanted to be the go to guy.  I wanted to see if I had what it took.  If you come into my office you will find many books about presidents, the white house and being president.  It was definitely one of my long term goals.  Today, I don't really want to be President anymore.  Why you ask, because it isn't my calling.  I am beginning to wake up to what the Lord has called me to do and I know that isn't it.

So what I have been doing the last couple of days is working on my dreams.  I am writing them down and beginning to think about them.  Many studies show that when we write down our dreams and think about them regularly, this process acts like a magnet drawing us closer and closer to our dreams and goals.  That's pretty cool stuff huh.

See, I think it is important to dream big.  When I dreamed about losing weight, I would see myself skinny.  I would see myself doing all kinds of things.  One thing that really embarrassed me about being big was I couldn't water ski which was big with my family.  But I would see myself being skinny and attractive.  I started confessing everyday that I weighed 205 pounds.  I did this for over a year without dropping a single pound but that dream was resonating inside my spirit every day.  That dream was working inside me and pointing me the right direction.  Then one day, that dream popped in my spirit and the transformation began.  But guess what, I didn't stop at 205.  I went all the way down to 185.  See when we dare to dream and then keep those dreams in front of us, amazing things can happen.

Now let me tie this to a place you may not really understand.  God.  Guess what, he has dreams.  He has dreams about you.  The bible says that He has plans for you.  Plans for your good.  It says in another place that he knew you before the foundation of the world.  Since before the world was founded he was dreaming about you.  That's pretty far out there stuff huh.

Well I want you to get a picture of this.  Think for a minute about that perfect guy or that perfect girl or maybe a car, etc.  Picture him/her/it in your mind.  Think for a second about whatever your goal is.  See yourself in a right relationship (See the Box).  See yourself succeeding.  How does that feel?  Does it touch a nerve in the core of your being?  Does it release a warm feeling inside you?  This might blow your mind but the Lord sits around dreaming of you the same way.  He pictures you in his mind successful.  He pictures you in his mind with the right person.  He sees you enjoying yourself and it brings great pleasure to His soul.  He gets excited about His dreams for your life.  He has a good life planned for you.  He sees you and He spending time together doing things that you love.



And that's another Opinion of the Minion.

A Minion's Hope

Today I want to talk to you about hope.  I belive the single most devistating thing that can happen in your life is to loose hope.  Hope is one of the most important parts of our lives but how often do we hear someone say, "Don't get your hopes up."  That is one the of the dumbest things I have ever heard.  I want you to get your hope sky high.  OK, I can immediately hear people saying, "He has flipped out.  I hoped that this would happen or that would happen and it didn't.  When I hoped for that situation to work out in my life and it didn't, that hurt me deeply and I would have been better of not to have gotten my hopes up at all." 

Let me say, I certainly understand your point.  I have done the same thing.  I got my hopes up that a certain area of my life would change and it didn't.  A few months ago, I got my hopes up about a certain relationship and that didn't work.  I used to get my hopes up all the time that I could go on a diet and loose weight.  I used to get my hopes up that I would be in a great relationship with a woman and that didn't work.  Even recently, I got my hopes up about a situation that didn't work out like I wanted.  So I should have just let it go.  I should have not hoped at all.  Think about it.  Wouldn't it have been better if I hadn't hoped.  If I had just expected failure.  That way I wouldn't have felt the disappointment and in some cases pain of the failure.  I can see what you mean by your question above.  Maybe you were even right.

Well, not so fast.  The critical question about hope is in what or where do I place it?  If I place my hope in you that you will do something or you place your hope in me that I will do something, at some point we will both be disappointed.  Why?  Because we aren't perfect.  Also, sometimes we put our hope in a person who isn't capable of doing what we want anyway.  Think of it this way, if you put your hope in me that I will be able to dunk a basketball.  I can 100% gaurantee you that you will be disappointed.  I am 5'7" tall and my verticle jump won't get me there.  That's not really important in the grand scheme of life but what if you put your hope in a friend or relationship to make you happy?

What if you looked to a girl or guy as the thing that was going to make you happy in life?  That other person is going to make a mistake somewhere and disappoint you.  It will probably hurt when they do.  See, they weren't made perfect so they are not capable of being perfect.  Everyone is going to make mistakes and when the mistake involves you, it is going to hurt.  "OK," you say, "if you want me to have hope and hope is so critical to my life, who or what do I put my hope in?"

Some of you who read this are ahead of me and know exactly where I am going.  That makes me smile.  I will tell you where I put my hope.  I put my hope in God.  He isn't just a train ticket to Heaven.  He is what keeps me going here.  I know that he cannot fail.  If I put my trust in him, there is no area we cannot conquer.  I desire with all my heart to have a godly mate.  I want a woman I can cherish, protect, care for, and grow with.  I want one that I can talk to.  You know my personal feelings from reading the Box.  So when I get around someone who I think is a good candidate, do I put my hope in her that she will be what I am seeking?  Nope, I put my trust in God.  He said He would provide all my needs so I put my hope in Him that He will provide what I need.  I don't hope in the woman, I hope in God.  When I do this, there is such great peace because no matter what comes up, my hope is in God.  If I have a good night or bad, it doesn't matter because my hope stays where it belongs.  Guess what, as I have done this, I have seen deliverance and help from God in every area where I put this to work. 

Recently on Facebook there was a person who stated that they were Wiccan (sp?).  My response was, Why?  I certainly respect their right to be Wiccan.  That wasn't really what I was asking.  Then someone else posted that this person was Wiccan because they chose their religion just like I did.  Well I appreciate their response as I do believe they were honestly trying to help me out but what I wanted to know is why did you chose to be Wiccan?  I can tell you why I choose to be a Christian.  It's because God still helps me everyday.  It's because when I call on Him, He answers.  It's because when things seem like they are coming apart, I can go to Him and He makes me to be at peace even though it looks like I am in deep trouble.  When I place my hope in Him, it centers and grounds me.  All of the sudden, my world turns right side up and things look good again.

And that's another Opinion of the Minion

Run Minion Run

Today, I want to talk to you about running.  "Well Tommy," you say, "That doesn't sound all that challenging.  How are you going to have an opinion at the end of this?"  Give me a little space and I will explain.  I hope this challenges you.

As most of you know, I used to weigh 350 pounds.  I never met a buffet I didn't like though most of the buffet type restaurants didn't like me.  :-)  See I took a buffet as a personal challenge.  The words on the front door said, "All You Can Eat".  They didn't say, "All You Want to Eat," or "All You Should Eat," or "Eat Enough to Get Full."  They said, "All You Can Eat".  I was never one to back down from a challenge so I went at each one with determination.  I would eat so much pizza, mexican food and even chinese food that I would have a stomach ache when I left the restaurant.  But I ate all I could.  My friends and I even had personal records when we were young.  They weren't ones to be proud of though.  And when I stepped on a scale to weigh myself, it would flash the words, "One person on the scale at a time please."  OK I am just kidding about the last sentence but I hope it made someone laugh.

Back then I had trouble climbing up a flight of stairs.  When I got to the top of the staircase at our office building, I was winded a little.  Back then, the idea of walking a mile was impossible.  I just couldn't do it.  But life is all about perspective.

Today, I run six miles a day, five days a week.  Is that a lot?  For some yes; for some no but it doesn't matter, it's good for me.  But my perspective is much different today than it was seven and a half years ago.  At that time, I would never have even dreamed of being able to run six miles.  I wouldn't have dreamed of running six feet.  It was just not something I planned to do.  Today, things are much different.  If you had asked me then, I would have told you that six miles was impossible.   And guess what, back then it was. 

But I started running.  At first, I just walked on the treadmill.  Then I decided I would walk for 5 or 6 minutes and trot for a minute.  Pretty soon, it progressed to walking 4 minutes and jogging a minute.  It just kept progressing until I was running.  The next thing I knew I decided to run the Cowtown Marathon (It's In Fort Worth).  Imagine that.  From 350 pounds to running a marathon in a little less than two years.  That's a miracle from God.  God is able to do more than we can ask or think because not only did I finish my first marathon but I finished in the top 30% of all the runners.  I have ran two marathons and I used the training manual from the Boston marathon to get ready for both.  At the end of my training, I was running about 75 miles a week.  My long run day was over 20 miles.  Am I saying this to brag?  Of course not.  I am saying this because life is all about perspective.  When I was 350 pounds, I could never have seen myself running even 6 miles at one time.  Then at the end of my marathon training, six miles was only a good warm up.  At that point, I thought only running six miles was like a vacation day.

Now think about your own life for a few minutes.  What was the six mile situation in your life?  Was it a relationship, money, grades, where to go to college, weight?  Are there things that once looked impossible that are not really any big deal today?  Remember what it was like when you first faced that impossible situation.  Remember how you saw no way out of it and how it looked like it was going to do real damage to your life.  Now look back at it after you have come through.  It doesn't seem like that big a deal does it?  All the worry and fear and for what?  You came through!  That six mile situation in your life wasn't so big after all?

By now, most of you probably know where I am headed.  Let me ask you another question that is equally important.  What six mile situation are you facing right now?  What looks impossible?  What has you laying awake at night worrying about it?  OK now that you know what I am talking about, how do you handle it?  The answer is one step at a time.  Do what you can do and learn to let go of what you can't.  I am certainly not perfect at it but I want to get better.  Remember this six mile situation that you are facing can turn into just another success in your life and you will come through it!

And that's another Opinion of the Minion

A 350 Pound Minion

One thing I believe in doing is being honest with yourself.  In one of my blogs, I talked about my greatest failure.  Today, I want to share something that I hope will inspire someone who needs it.  While, I guess I would have to say that this is a success in my life, I respectfully submit this not as bragging but in the hope that someone else will be inspired to make themselves better.  I have a very dear friend who told me that this story inspired her and I cannot tell you how much that touched my heart.

It's funny because it seems easier to talk about the things that I have done wrong and I am almost ashamed to talk about the things I have done right.  Why is that?  I think it is because I have been taught that pride is a bad thing.  There are some forms of pride that are very bad but I think it is OK to talk about things that go right in your life.  That's part of being honest with you.  See we all know all of our faults.  I can catalog mine and cross reference them.  And when we are feeling down, then we want to spend a lot of time working our self over about them which isn't good.  But what about the other side of the coin?  What about our strenghts?

Well, as you may have guessed the picture above is of my dad, my son and me.  Doesn't look much like the picture to the right of the blog does it.  Well it's really me.  At my heaviest, I was 350 pounds.  I am 67" tall and I was 58" around.  I used to tell people that I was in shape because round is a shape!  Nobody bought.  I wore a 5X shirt.  I made jokes about my weight all the time but the reality of it was that it hurt to be this big.  It hurt physically but it also hurt emotionally.  If you are big, I understand completely where you are because I was there myself.

Have you ever ridden on an airplane?  Well you know when you sit down the flight attendant does a demonstration showing you how to work the seat belt?  That thing she holds up can be used as a seat extension for people who cannot fit the seat belt around their waist.  I was one of those people and always had to ask for it.  It was embarrassing and I was ashamed of myself.  I tried to play it off with jokes but it always hurt.

Finally, the Lord instructed me to get a personal trainer.  Now at the time, I didn't want one because I didn't want to spend the money but I believed I had heard the voice of the Lord so I decided to hire him.  After several months, I kept telling him I was going on a diet and I would (for at least a day or two at a time).  But then life would happen and I would quit.  One day, I told my trainer that I was starting another diet and he called me a liar.  He told me not to insult him by saying that.  He said that when I was tired of being the way I was, I would change.  Until then, I wouldn't.  Well, I am not used to people who I pay money talking to me like that but he was absolutely right.  It's funny because today he is definitely a friend of mine and not just my personal trainer.

So I started journaling everything I wrote.  I did this for about six months.  Then one day, I had to face what I was doing.  See, I wrote down everything on paper that I was eating but mentally, I didn't write it all down.  After I admitted the problem I had, I asked the Lord to deliver me from my addiction to carbohydrates.  Guess what happened.  He did.  I got sick for a couple of days but I came out of it a changed man.  All the sudden, eating the right things and exercising was easy.  I didn't tell people I was going on a diet but I didn't have to.  They could see it.  There is a life lesson in that point - Don't go around telling people what your are going to do.  Just let your actions speak for themselves.  They do anyway.

Then my trainer told me that I was going to be a runner.  I knew that it was from the Lord but I told my trainer it would never happen.  Long story short, within two years of being 350 pounds I had ran my first marathon.  I have ran two.  So here are the stats.  I lost two feet (24 inches) in my waist.  I went from a 58 to a 34.  I lost 160 pounds in 14 months and it was one of the easiest things I have ever done because the Lord was helping me do it.  I went from a 5X shirt to a medium/large depending on the shirt.  Pretty cool huh.

Well, you might say, that was easy for you but I can't do that.  Wrong.  I am nothing special.  If God can do that through me, He can certainly do that in your life.  What areas are you weighing 350 pounds?  Is it in relationships, your actual weight, friendships, finances, or school?  Well dare to believe that you can change any area of your life.  Because with God's help you can.  It's never too late.  He always has a plan.

And that's another Opinion of the Minion

Game On, Mr. Minion

Today I want to talk to you about being ready.  Being ready for what, you ask?  Well you will have to answer that question, I can't.  But let me explain what I am thinking.  Are you ready for the opportunities that cross your path.  If you met that special someone, are you ready?  If someone gave you the dream job of a lifetime, are you ready?  If someone was going to send you to the college of your dreams, are you ready?  Lastly, and most importantly, if you died tonight, are you ready?

See I think we spend way too much of our time complaining about our circumstances or pushing too hard to make things happen the way we want.  We are so focused on us that we aren't ready for the great opportunities that God places in our life.  Now let me say, that I don't believe that we should just sit around and wait for everything to fall in our laps.  That's not smart.  That's being lazy.  I'm talking about being ready when something comes along.

Let me illustrate this with a story of mine.  Sometimes God has divine appointments that you don't expect.  If we aren't ready when they do, we can miss the whole opportunity.  I go to Starbuck's at least once a day (please no comments about the actual number from my friends).  For several month's there was a certain lady that I wanted to talk to but never did.  This was primarily because I am a pretty shy guy most of the time.  I like being around people and most who know me are very comfortable around me but talking to a total stranger is not something I normally do.  Well, I always liked this girl's face because it looked so kind.  (To the girl who I am talking about - I know you will read this and yes you have a very kind face.  Turns out the personality matches the face.  Don't even think about arguing with me on this point!)  I saw her at Starbuck's for several weeks and never talked to her.

One day, I realized that I was never going to say anything to her because it really isn't in my nature to do this so I just forgot about it.  Well, two days later, I walked into a restaurant by my apartment and saw a guy I knew.  Guess who was sitting at the table with him?  Did you figure it out?  Yup, it was the girl from Starbucks.  Over the last few months, we have become good friends.  She is someone who's opinion I really value and she has really helped me through a tough time.  I think I have been able to do the same for her.  Just think, none of this would have happened if I hadn't walked into that restaurant that day.  That connection was the Lord's way of saying to me, "I've got a million ways to bring people into your life," and it really blessed me to hear that from Him.

When I would see her, I thought about trying to break the ice and say hello but I never did.  Then when I finally decided to let it go, things worked out on their own.  Now this is about a friendship but it applies in all areas of our life.  Where are you pushing hard to accomplish something.  Where are you getting so worked up and stressed out?  Is it possible that while you are trying to figure out how to make something happen in your life that you can't see God setting you up to bless you?  Where are you so focused on someone who is a negative influence in your life that you can't see that amazing person who wants to be part of your life?  Stop and look around.

While I try very much not to preach in these Opinions, I must ask this one thing.  If you were do die tonight, are you ready?  Well, you might say, "I go to church."  That's not what I asked.  You might say, "I'm a good person."  Again, that's not what I asked.  What I am asking you is have you ever met Jesus and made him Lord of your life.  He is a very close personal friend of mine.  He is a real person that you can touch.  Guess what - No matter what you have done in this life, He deeply passionately loves you.  As I write this, I am thinking about His love and it brings tears to my eyes.  He's out to get you but not in a bad way.  He wants to love on you.  He wants to help you.  He will never give up on you and never quit you.  He knows your secrects and His love sees right past that to the inside of the Box He created.  I am not asking you to join a church or become part of a denomination, I am asking you if you have met my Jesus.  If the answer is no, would you please consider praying this simple prayer.

Just say, "Jesus, I ask you to come into my life.  I ask you to be my friend and show me your love for me.  I ask you to be my Lord and Savior."

If you prayed that prayer with your heart, you just became my brother or sister.  Welcome to the family!  Please let me hear from you.  Knowing you made that decision will be the best thing I hear today.

If you didn't pray that prayer, know this that God loves you very much and because He first loved me, I can honestly say that I care about you too.

That's the Opinion of His Minion

The Minion Who Wasn't Good Enough

Today, I want to deal with something we all feel from time to time.  What to do when I don't feel good enough.  Have you ever felt that way?  I normally don't.  If you have read many of my blogs, I don't want you to get the wrong impression.  I am a very confident guy.  I really like myself and in a good way, I am proud of who I am.  I am a good guy.  I help my friends and family when I can and I have accomplished some pretty cool stuff.  I went law school and graduated high in my class, passed the bar, lost 160 pounds one time, etc.  Now I am not saying that to brag but I want you to know that I think well of me.

That said, there are times when I just don't feel like I am good enough.  Have you ever felt that way?  Have you ever felt like no matter what you did, it just wasn't enough.  Have you ever wondered why people only notice the bad stuff you do and not the good stuff?  I mean we all know those people.  You know the ones.  When you tell them you made a 95 on a test, they want to know why you didn't make a 100.  Or how about the ones who always tell you what you should do to better yourself and never tell you the good things that you already do?  If we aren't careful, this can cause us to feel inadequate.  I know.  I have felt that many times and even here recently.  Now the good thing for me is that these feelings don't stay long.  I know what I am worth because the Bible tells me so.  I know that God thinks I am good enough.  He sees the good things I do and he tells me how proud he is of me.  Don't misunderstand this.  I don't think God loves me because of what I do or don't do.  He loves me because He is love.  I can never earn God's love.  That's why there is grace.  He loves me just because.

In a similar way, I can never earn any one's love.  If you are trying to earn some one's love or affection, quit.  It won't work.  They either love you for you or they don't.  And if they don't, then stop wasting time trying to make them.  See today, more and more, people are becoming lovers of themselves.  That's a shame but it was bound to happen.  What do I mean by that?  More and more people are only concerned about themselves and what they want.  When you find someone who actually cares about others, treasure them.  They are becoming more and more rare.  I have a friend like that.  She is always doing nice things for me.  Do you know what that makes me want to do?  It makes me want to do nice things back.  It's not because I want to "even the score."  It's because her kindness makes me want to be kind.

So the question is am I good enough?  Before I can answer that, let me ask another question - Good enough for what?

Am I good enough for people to respect, love and treat me right.  The answer to that is absolutely, positively, unequivocally, without a doubt, YES.  You are good enough just because you are.  You deserve love and respect just because you are you.  There is nothing that can increase or diminish that.

Are there times when I am not good enough to accomplish all that I want to?  Sure.  Remember I told you I wasn't a good football player.  I wasn't good enough to start on the football team.  What should you do if you try something and fail?  Try again and again and again.  Remember, if you get knocked down, get back up.  Keep going.  Sooner or later, you will accomplish your goals if you keep trying.  I have always believed that I can do anything.  Well, except maybe dunk a basketball. ;)

And that's the Opinion of the Minion

Drama, Drama, Drama

Someone asked me to write about why girls have so much drama.  I will try to do this now.  Before I start though, I need to be clear that drama comes from both girls and boys.  Boys, we like to think we are drama free but that's just not really true now is it?

There are two types of drama.  The drama you create and the drama that falls in your lap.  I run a small company in Texas most days and I can tell you that there is a certain amount of drama that falls in my lap every day.  I didn't go looking for it, it just seemed to find me.  Now this drama is usually created by someone else.  So from their perspective, this would be the second type of drama.  The drama that they create.  Regardless of who creates it, now there is a certain situation that needs to be dealt with.  So what do we do next?  To answer that question we have to ask another one first.  How concerned are you about the person that created the drama?  Are you more concerned about yourself or them?  Am I leading you to answer this question a certain way?  I certainly hope so.

So let's answer this question both ways.  Let's say that I don't care one flip about this person.  I only care about what is best for me and what I need.  What the other person needs isn't really important.  I don't care whether they get their need met as long as I get what I want.  Well if you answer the question like this, then you really need help.  We weren't put here just to get everything we want.  We were put here to help others.  If you are in this category, when was the last time you stopped to help someone else?  But if this is you then you are either going to ignore the person creating the drama all together or do something to make their life harder with your response to them.

Now let's consider the other side of the coin.  What if someone comes to you with drama and you really want to help.  Before you wade off into the middle of the drama, understand this.  Most drama very emotional to the person in the middle of it.  Now as I have said many times, emotions signal needs.  So let's look a little closer at the girl or the boy with the drama.  They are emotional so what do they really need?  Sometimes their drama is a legitimate need all its own.  Like how to pay a bill or how to get medical help, etc.  Sometimes it's not really that big a deal.  But, it is a big deal to the person in the middle of it.  Most of the time that a person starts drama, I think what they are really saying is, "I need attention."  They are crying out.  Just like a kid who feels that no one is paying attention to him will do something to get in trouble.  It may not be the right type of attention but it is some attention.

I think when we grow up, we change this approach slightly.  When you see someone overly dramatic, they are just asking for someone to pay attention to them.  They want someone to notice them and to understand what they are going through.  So let's get to one of my favorite questions, "How can I help?"  Well, sometimes I can help by just listening.

There are times when a person will come in my office or call me and they just need to talk to someone that they know cares.  Now there are mostly men in my office so we would never tell you that and we may not even know that.  But sometimes we just need to know that there is someone else out there listening.  Recently in my personal life, I have been through a lot of not nice stuff.  It has been very frustrating and I felt very alone for a long time.  During those times, I talked to people I worked with and I blew some stuff completely out of proportion.  I made the drama and I made it big.  In one instance, I acted like a complete idiot for about a week.  John Wayne said, "Life is hard but life is harder when you are stupid."  I was certainly making my life harder than it should have been.  But the point is my friends were there to listen through the whole thing.  As completely ridiculous as I looked and acted, they were there for me and they never told me how stupid I was acting.

Guess what, I have done the same thing for others on many occasions.  They have brought me stuff that I thought they were blowing all out of proportion and I just listened and tried to help.  Now I am not saying that you have to let your own life be totally consumed with some one's drama but I am saying that if you are a good friend, you will learn to listen to them and empathize with them a little.  Give them a little attention.  Most of the time, that is what they really want.  Guess what, if you look at your own life, you probably create a little unnecessary drama of your own.  Now don't go all defensive on me, we all do it.  But to us, it isn't drama, it's something very critical to life.

So I guess the choice is yours are you a friend or not?

That's the Opinion of the Minion

Friendship vs. Dating

Today, I am going to try something new.  I want to discuss the topic of Friendship vs. Dating relationships.  I don’t have a lot of dating experience but I think something is missing from the process.  See, I want to have a relationship that stories are written about.  I want to be in love with a woman so deeply that I hurt when she is away from me but I am glad she is doing things that fulfill her life.  When I wake up in the morning, I want to be so in love that I stare at her as she sleeps and just wish for five more minutes to look at her.  I want her, not just her body.  I want what she thinks, how she makes me feel, and how she makes me a better person.  I want to be around a woman who feels the same way about me.  Is this possible, I believe it still is.  I just think we have lost sight of how to get there. 

I also want great friendships with people who know me really well.  One day, I want to say I have known that person for 50 years.  I want to be around people who enjoy life.  How do I find those relationships and will I know when I do?

To really be fair to both guys and gals, I want to bring in a good friend of mine, DD (DD is a woman), to help me discuss this topic and give you a woman’s perspective on our discussion.  This will take more than one post so let’s get started.

To begin with let’s start with the question of just friends or something more?  I asked DD her perspective and here’s what she had to say.  In any relationship we have goals, while these goals are not written down on a piece of paper, they are there whether we realize it or not.  For instance, when you meet a new friend, you might hope that they are someone you can confide in about boys or girls.  You might hope they can be on your baseball team, or whatever.  If you meet someone you want to date, one goal of a physical relationship at some point.  It might not be on the first date or even by the tenth date but at some point, your goal/intention is to hold hands, kiss, cuddle, etc.

I struggled with this definition until I realized that there is an emotional connection that goes along with dating.  I am not totally sure what the emotional connection is but I know it is there.  Men, realize this, whether or not you want to believe it, you were created as an emotional being.  We all know that men and women are different but what we don’t realize is that somewhere along the way men and women were trained to be more different than they actually are.  Men, emotions signal needs.  Whether or not you like this, it’s true.  Think of it this way, if your stomach tells you that you are hungry, you can choose to ignore the signals from your stomach but it will not change the fact that you are in need of food.  If you ignore the signals from your stomach long enough, you will starve to death.

It’s the same thing with your other emotions.  Men, we have emotions.  Over many generations, we have been trained to ignore them.  We are supposed to be Mufasa, the Lion King.  We are supposed to roar and protect the pride.  But yet, we are not supposed to feel anything.  That is why we don’t connect with girls like we really want.

Before we go further with this, I want to take a minute for DD to give you her initial thoughts on this subject. DD, welcome to the Opinion of the Minion.

DD says - I think there is an emotional development or connection in both types of relationships.  Say you just made a new girlfriend and you confided in her about what guy you liked and the two of you plot, plan, and giggle about how to get the guy to notice you or ask you out.  That is developing an emotional bond between you and your friend.  You trust her to keep that confidential information to herself—not tell the entire school or worse, the guy.  If she did tell someone, you might feel betrayed and hurt.  An example for dating is if a guy kissed you for the first time, said he would call you then next day and didn’t.  You would likely feel disappointment and hurt. 

The Minion – When DD and I began to discuss this subject, her insights really taught me something.  Obviously, she will explore this topic more with us as we go along.  I want to keep this first segment a little short and because DD and I do not consider ourselves experts, we would like to hear from you about what you think the differences are between being friends and dating.  You can address your comments to either of us.  If you have a personal question you would like either of us to answer, please feel free to e-mail either:

Minion@theopinionoftheminion.com or
DD@theopinionoftheminion.com 

And that’s an Opinion from two Minions

The Football Player Who Couldn't Play

Today I want to continue looking at the box but this time I want to take a different approach.  Let me ask this question to start - When we get a Christmas present what is the most important part?  We certainly like the nice wrapping job (unless I did the wrapping), the colorful paper and the pretty bows.  But after about two seconds of looking at it, we tear right through to get to the good stuff inside.  Yet we do just the opposite with people?

With people sometimes their appearance is the most important.  Have you ever looked at some good looking TV star who was having personal problems and thought - Why does someone with all that going for them have so many problems?  The answer is the wrapping paper is more important than the gift. 

If you gave me a priceless diamond for my birthday wrapped in a box and I went on and on about the way the box looked. I really admired the shiny wrapping paper and the bow.  I made a big deal out of the glossy paper, opened the box and took out the diamond.  Then I either threw away the diamond or worse, I told you it was worthless and dropped it. 

After that I picked the box back up and played it the rest of the day.  I tried to take the box to bed, to school, and to work.  I showed all my friends the box and kept the box around day and night but I never ever looked at the diamond.  I would be crazy.  Yet we do this every day.  We look at a good looking girl or guy and our first thought is about their appearance but we never even appreciate what's inside.  Please don't misunderstand me, I think working out and taking care of your appearance is important and you should do this.  I just think that the most precious part of a person is the inside not the outside.

Why do we do this?  One of the reasons is because we don't spend enough time looking at the diamonds inside our own box.  We spend time working on the outside of the box or just babysitting it.  I work out about 7.5 hours a week.  Is that a lot?  Not really.  There are so many people who work much harder than I do.  But lets start with 7.5 hours a week.  I spend that working on the outside of my box (and it still needs work).  Do I spend at least 7.5 hours working on the important part of me (the inside)?  I try to now but I didn't before.  How many of us watch TV 7.5 hours a week?  We spend plenty of time babysitting our minds yet we never spend anytime developing them or the other diamonds in box.

Another reason is we work on pretend gifts that aren't really in our box (phantom gifts) and we neglect the real ones that are.  We do this because we think it will make other people like/accept us instead of developing the real gifts God put in us. 

Let me illustrate.  When I was in high school, I desperately wanted to be popular and I really wasn't.  I was a pimple faced nerd.  I was on the football team all four years of school (except for a couple of weeks as a sophomore) and I was one of the worst football players ever.  As a matter of fact, when I quit for a few weeks, my coach told my mom that I shouldn't play because I wasn't good.  It really made me mad but he was exactly right.  After my sophomore year, I was one of the strongest kids on the team but I wasn't a good player.  When the list came out for varsity and I wasn't on it, one of the kids in my class ridiculed me in front of people and it crushed me.  This was a phantom diamond for me.

On the other hand, I was a pretty good musician in band.  I played contra bass clarinet in the band and did really well as a freshman.  After my freshman year, I quit the band and wouldn't play because I didn't think it would make me look cool.  I couldn't appreciate the beautiful people in band because I didn't understand how really special and talented they were.  I didn't think being in band would make me popular like being a jock would.  Do you see what I was doing?  I wasn't celebrating and developing the natural gifts God put in my box.  I was working on phantom gifts because I wanted others to like me. 

Unfortunately, I wasn't popular, didn't get the girl and I didn't even like me.  Now, I am just me.  I quit trying to be good enough for others.  Whether anyone likes me or not, I really like me.

So let me ask you, two things.  First, how much time are you spending on the gift vs. the box?  Second, are you working on the real gifts inside you or the phantom ones just to impress someone else?

That's the Opinion of the Minion

The Box - Tokyo Style

I am returning from a trip to Seoul and Tokyo.  On this trip, I was struck by the beautiful sights, all the culture, and the beauty of these two countries.  As I was standing outside a hotel room on a small mountain overlooking downtown Seoul, I was struck by the beauty but my mind continued to go back to the people.  I wondered about the South Koreans and I thought of people who I knew would love to see Seoul from the place where I was standing.  I guess this means that my post below stuck.  I am reposting this now for two reasons.  First, I think it is a very important point.  Second, there are literally hundreds of young people from many countries who have become fans of the Opinion of the Minion since I posted it.  So if you have already read this, you can disregard the post.  If not, take a look.  I think it will bless you.

I have given this a lot a of thought and I believe that the Lord showed me something that changed the way I view people.

You see, when God creates a person he gives them abilities, passions, desires, talents and all sorts of wonderful attributes that we seldom ever see. Then he takes all these things and puts them in a box with silver wrapping paper and very pretty red ribbon tied in a bow around it. He calls the box - You. It is a present to the world. When I saw this for the first time, I looked around at all the people walking by and said to myself, "Merry Christmas!" because all I could see were beautiful boxes waiting to be opened.

The problem is many people don't even know what is in their own box much less have taken the time to look in someone elses box. This starts when we are in school. As we grow up, we learn all kinds of new things about ourselves: what we like, what we don't, the changes that our bodies go through, we learn things in school about the world and we learn about social interaction. But sometimes that social interaction teaches us that the stuff in our box isn't all that important.

Have you ever felt like the stuff inside you doesn't really matter? Can you look back to a point in your life where you were doing something you really enjoyed and someone else called it or you stupid or worthless?

When you pull the most precious parts of your life out of the box and let other people see them, it is scary because you are definitely vulnerable at that point. But know this, the Lord put all those wonderful things inside and they are of great price and value. Don't let someone cheapen what is so precious by their comments.

Everyday, I see people who are alive but aren't living. I think it is because they have told themselves that the treasures in their box aren't important or worth much so they don't do anything with them. They may not have done this openly but below the surface it happens. You have to know that if God took the time to create you and put all those treasures inside you, they are important both to him and to me.

When was the last time you looked in your box and pulled out something you truly enjoyed and used it? When was the last time you opened the box? When was the last time you were passionate about anything? Are you so caught up in the rat race that your box isn't important any more?

Here is another interesting question - When was the last time you opened up someone else's box to see who they really are and celebrate the gifts inside them? Do you always know what is wrong with your husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, kids, friends, parents, family, coworkers but never look inside the box for what is so awesome about them?

Husbands, what would happen if instead of criticizing your wife, the next time you saw her, you decided to look at something that was so precious to her, so beautiful, so tender, so amazing and something she loved about herself? What would happen if you nurtured that gift and encouraged it to grow? What would happen if, after you opened her box, she decided that your box was the most special one on earth and decided to touch the core of who you are? What if you both decided to go deep in your relationship?

Boyfriends, what if you looked at her and decided that you wanted more than just what was inside her clothes, you wanted what was inside her heart. Girlfriends, what if you decided that you wanted the same thing? What if you wanted to explore who they are and make them the best person they could be while they did the same thing to you? What if you looked at them and asked, "What can I give?" instead of "What can I get?"

Is this a little intense? Yes. Is it worth it if just one person decides to open their box or open someone elses? Yes. You see, I believe that I got to see a little glimpse of the creation through the creator's eyes when He showed me this. It was truly an eye opening experience and I can definitely say I will never be the same. I got to see how He looked at and longs for His creation to be all that we can be and how His love for us goes so deep His heart aches for us.

So I guess the real question is what is in your box? I want to know.

That's still the Opinion of His Minion

What is Love?

What I share today may not be anything new to you but I want you to consider for a moment what is Love.

Is it a state of being?  We say we are “in love” with our spouse.  What does that mean?  Does that mean that we are content to live in the same house, share the same responsibilities, enjoy having that person as company to share life.  Is he or she someone who gives you stability and someone you want to mother/father your children?  Are we happy to have a companion?  Of course marriage goes much deeper but you get the point.

Is it an emotion?  We say that we feel loved or we feel love for someone.  Who doesn’t like that first kiss if it is a good one or the feeling we feel when we hold someone’s hand and take a walk?  How great does it feel when you take her in your arms and dance a slow waltz (or just hold her) while you stare deeply into her eyes and you see that twinkle in her eye that says she is totally yours.  The smile on her face, touches your core and you wish you could stay in that exact moment forever.

Is it something higher?  Why is it we “love” our children when they are first born.  They can’t do anything for us.  As a matter of fact, they are really just a drain on us as newborns.  The constantly require attention – feed me, change my diaper, change my clothes, bathe me, I am going to sleep when I want and when I am tired of sleeping, I am going to wake you up regardless of whether or not you have gotten any sleep.  Yet, we love these little people.  We protect them, we cloth them, we play with them.

Is it a catalyst that causes us to do something?  When you truly love your kids, your spouse or your significant other, you are motivated to do something for them.  For those of you who have children, what happens when your seven year old comes up to you out of the blue and says, “Mommy or Daddy, I love you”?  When that happens to me, my first thought is how can I bless you?  What can I do for you? 

Is it something else?

The answer goes a little deeper.  All these things are the effect of love.  The bible says that God is love.  It doesn’t say he is in love (state of being), he loves (a verb) or he feels love (an emotion).  It says he his love.  While he does the things I listed, they are outgrowths of who he is.  The bible also says we are made in his image which means we are made like him.  That means love is who we are.  It is the genetic matter of our spirit.

Because I am love:

1. I can be "in love" with a spouse.

2. Seeing that look in her eyes, holding her in my arms and feeling the brush of her lips against mine causes me to feel warm all over.

3.  I care for and about my children.

4.  I am motivated to do things for others.

Now some of you may be saying, I really don’t feel or do those things you listed.  Let me tell you – that’s OK just don’t stay that way.  Think for a second about your physical body.  The first day you were born, could you run a race?  Of course not!  Your body had to develop and strengthen to the point where you could.  The potential was in you but that potential had to be developed.  If you don’t act in love the way you should, understand that you have to grow and develop that potential just like anything else.

We should constantly look for places to develop ourselves (love) today.  Show the real you (love) to someone else today.

 

And that’s the Opinion of the Minion.

What is Strength

At the request of a friend of mine, below please find my latest opinion.

Have you ever wondered why girls are attracted to "bad boys" and boys are attracted to "bad girls"?

I think the answer is because of a perceived strength of boys and girls.  When we find a "significant other," it should be someone who has strengths to compliment our weaknesses and vice versa.  But the real question is what is strength?  Girls want to feel secure so they are attracted to the guy who has a little attitude appears strong.  He treats them badly but he is macho and "tough."  Unfortunately for them, most girls don't really understand strength.  See the fact that the guy can walk around puffing out his chest, "protecting" you from threats, being a smart mouth and wearing an affliction tee shirt doesn't make him strong.  This makes no sense.  Ladies, how often does someone threaten you with physical bodily harm?  How often do you need emotional support vs. physical support?

Ladies, let me give you some examples of a true "strong" man who can protect you:
1.  A man who is not afraid to have emotions of his own and is not afraid to show you them.
2.  A man who has a job.  Now men, in this economy if you just lost your job, I am not saying anything negative about you but if you haven't looked for a job in three years and just sit around waiting for your chance to be on UFC, let me help you - get a real job.
3.  A man who is OK with you showing your emotions and knows how to empathize with you.  A strong man knows how to protect your emotions when they need to be protected.
4.  A strong man knows who is God and knows it isn't him.
5.  A strong man isn't afraid of your relationship with God.  He knows that if you put God first and he is second, that he will be much better off than if he was first.
6.  A strong man knows how to do right because it is right whether or not it is in his personal best interest to do so.
7.  A strong man really cares how you feel and looks out for your best interest.
8.  A strong man wants to see you achieve all your dreams and shows genuine interest in them.
9.  How does he treat the wait staff when you are at a restaurant?  If he treats them disrespectfully, one day he will treat you the same way.
10.  Is he really there for you when you need him?  Does he listen to you?  Does he value your opinion?

Ladies, the problem is that you will not know if a man is strong merely because he looks good or because you went out with him once.  When you were in school, you had several grades that made up your final semester grade.  There was daily work, quizes, tests and final exams.  You can't know what type of man he is until he has been through all of these life tests.  Also, notice that it takes all semester to accumulate the grades.  You won't know how strong he is by outward appearance, you have to see all the work.  Ladies if you are dating a man who is tough guy strong but not strong past that you are dating a child who's body is old.  I am not saying that I have completely matured by any means but I am certainly working on it.

Now men, lets talk about us.  We are always concerned first and foremost about looks.  If a woman doesn't look pretty, we immediately aren't interested.  Is this bad?  Not necessarily because physical chemistry is definitely important.  We are drawn to someone who helps us with our self esteem.  If we are with a really pretty girl then that tells other people that we "have what it takes" to catch the really hot girl.  That self esteem boost can be very temporary.  Let me give you a few thoughts about finding a good girl instead of a bad one.

1.  Does she show genuine interest in you and what you are doing?
2.  Is that interest positive or negative.  If she is interested in you but always in a negative way, then run from her.
3.  How does she treat other people around her?  Be careful if she is mean, inconsiderate or rude to people around you because that gives you an indication of what she is really like.  One day she will act the same way to you.
4.  Does she go out of her way to help other people when there is no perceived benefit to her for doing so?
5.  Does she know God?
6.  Ladies want to be treated like queens.  Men, ask yourself this question - If I do all the work to treat her like a queen, what do I get for my efforts.  If it is just sex, soon enough the work put in will not be worth what you get for it.  Your work must get you something far more rewarding - Her heart committed to yours.
7.  Gentlemen, we all know the cost.  Make sure she is really worth it.
8.  When you are in a bad situation, how does she react?  Does she do the right thing or look for the way out that is most beneficial to her?

Ladies and Gentlemen, this list is not a complete list by any stretch but I want to challenge you to look beyond the superficial traits about a man or woman and try to see who they really are - good or bad.  I think Blake Shelton summed it up pretty well when he sang, "Who Are You When I'm Not Looking?"

You attract what you are so do you have real strength?

That's the Opinion of the Minion