For Men Only

Hello Everyone,

Today's post is really for men.  It's a challenge that I believe the Lord is putting on my heart to talk with men about.  Now I know it's not as popular to do today but when I was growing up a lot more people went to church.  Why?  Well that's just what we did.  Doing this and watching my dad and others grow up helped shape my vision of what a real man should be.  You know, we should be Mufasa (from the Lion King).  We should be king of the jungle and protect our families.

I have heard guys say things, "I would die for my wife and die for my kids."  "I let my wife do the praying and all the God stuff.  I'm the provider for our family." 

So here's what I find interesting about those ideas.  I know this has happened and I am not taking away from any man who has paid that sacrifice for his family or his wife.  I cannot begin to understand something like that.  But men, let me tell you saying that doesn't give you the right to do nothing else.  Instead of saying "I would die for my family", why don't you actually give up yourself for your family everyday.  They need you.  Part of the biggest problem our country faces today is that we men have forgotten how to be men! 

Husband, tonight instead of sitting home and watching ESPN while you relax, why don't you die to yourself and spend some time listening to your wife or your kids.  It's time we invest in them if we don't want our relationships to continue to suffer.  Your wife doesn't need you to die for her, she needs you to live for her.  She needs you to spend quality time with her.  She needs to know how much you care for her and she needs you to be present in her life.  Do you know what that's called?  It's called being intimate with her according to her definition of intimacy.  If we do that, it will lead to our definition of intimacy in a way that is beyond the normal.

If I asked you, how many of you have a good marriage, how many people would say yes?  I would be one of those people.  Guess what, I have decided that I am no longer satisfied with a good marriage.  I want to have a great marriage!  As a matter of fact, I want to have all the amazing things God has in store for marriage in mine!

So what do I need to do?  On top of some of the things that I have said above, it's my job to get on my knees before my Father as the head of my house.  Guys, it's not enough for us to just have our wife respect us and let her do the God thing.  God wants a relationship with YOU.  He's not looking to have a relationship with you through your wife.  He wants one direct.  How many times a week do you spend time with the Lord asking for direction for you, your family and your marriage?  I thought I was doing that fairly well, until recently the Lord told me that I need to spend more time with Him.

Well, "I don't know how to pray," you might say.  Let me tell you just how easy it is.  Just say "Hello Lord," and wait for Him to respond.  He longs to talk with you just like we long to be with our children.

Well, that's enough for one day and that's another Opinion of the Minion.

God Spanked Me

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to take a break from writing about love to tell you how the Lord disciplined me.  This is what He told me to write about today.  So here goes.

This week, I found out that while I have some spiritual intelligence, I am lacking in spiritual maturity in an area.  I know of  a couple of people I though were very smart but not overly mature lately.  It's funny because the Bible says that we should not judge people unless we want to be judged.  Guess what, that is exactly what happened to me.  I noticed that I have been pretty quick to judge.  Normally this applies to our kids.  Now don't get me wrong, as parents we have to look at their actions and provide discipline.  But we don't have to provide so much judgement.  But that's a different blog.

Here is what I noticed that I was doing.  I have heard for a long time that we should love a sinner but hate the sin in their lives and I believe that we should always stand strong in our convictions about what is right and what is wrong.  I think I've done this.  For me, it's simple.  If the Bible says it's right, then it's right.  If the Bible says it's wrong, then it's wrong.  End of story.  And this is true but it's not the whole story.

Let me tell you about Jesus.  He would go and eat with people who were considered "sinners" in his day by the religious leaders.  But there isn't record of Him disciplining them.  We don't have record of what they talked about but I would imagine that if He was always beating them down, they wouldn't want to be around Him.  In any situation, He could beat someone down with the Word of God and told them all their sins.  After all, He is the Word of God.  But many times he didn't.  He just loved them.

I think that is what I have been doing mentally.  I see someone that has a particular problem in their life and I judge the problem.  I can tell them why something is wrong or right because any many cases, I can see in the Word where it is right or wrong.  I can see this in many areas of our country today.  But my problem was I didn't see the people, I only saw the right or wrong.  I could be quick to go straight to the "answer."  But the Lord told me, "Son, while you may know a few things, you are spiritually immature."  See, God can't trust me with all of His power, which I want, unless He knows I am spiritually mature enough to handle it.  It would be like turning a two year old child loose with a car.

Here is what I have to do.  I have to be quick to listen and to love.  I need to stop judging people's actions because in reality, I am judging them.  I need to be quick to meet a need and quick to try to help.  As I do that, I will grow in spiritual maturity which will allow me to experience more of the power of God in our lives.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Love Part 1

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to begin a several part blog on love.  This is one topic that I need to know much more about.  See, I love my wife and I love my children.  But what does that really mean?  Does it mean I feel warm inside when I'm with my wife?  Does it mean I really enjoy my children?  The answer to both of those questions is sometimes yes and sometimes no.  But it doesn't change the fact that I love them both.

But, before we get to what love is, I want to take the rest of this blog to talk about what love is not.  For those of you who read this blog inside the United State, we use this word entirely too much and we water down what it really means.  You might hear someone say, "I love my car" or "I love my school" or something else.  But that's not real love.  You can enjoy your car and you can really enjoy your school but real love is reserved for something else.

For all you young ladies let me tell you something else that is not love.  If a guy starts telling you he loves you and then starts pressuring you to have a physical relationship with him, that's not love.  That's lust and selfishness.  See anything someone uses to get something from you, is not love.  When you are dating, you might have heard if you love me, you will do this or that.  But that's not really love, most of the time it's someone trying to con you into getting something they want.

I've even heard Christians say that you are not walking in love if you don't give them the money they need or give them something else they want.  Again, that is not love.  Love does not seek to get it's own stuff.  Now let me ask you this, where are you upset with someone else because you aren't getting what you want from them?  It could be that you need rethink how you love are loving someone.

When we think about love, we often think of a feeling, but that is not love either.  Feelings are great and when I feel really close to my wife and get those warm, gooey feelings about her, I really enjoy them but that doesn't define my love for her.  In fact, I don't think feelings have anything to do with true love at all.

Well, I like to keep these fairly short so we will pick it up here next time with a little more about what love is not.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Politics or People

Hello Everyone,

In light of the political elections that are coming up in American, I want to take a second to talk about politics but not in the way you might think.

I've noticed that everyone has an opinion about the current political landscape.  Some hate Trump; Some hate Clinton and some hate everyone.  But here's what really doesn't make sense to me.  I see a lot of my friends and family on my personal Facebook page and other places posting about politics.  They all have something to say about what should or shouldn't be done.  They all have something to say about this person's moral character or that person's.  They all have something to say about this person's truthfulness, etc.  Yet not one of the people I have ever talked with has the capability (other than casting 1 vote) to do anything about it.  Furthermore, neither one of the candidates cares about what any of them think on a personal level.  Whoever gets elected is going to do whatever they please regardless of what you and I think.

So I've been asking the Lord what to do about it.  Here's what the Lord showed me.

1.  Whatsoever things are lovely, just, pure and of a good report, mediate on these.  That doesn't mean that you ignore things but it does mean that you shouldn't focus on them.  Focus on God's word.  It will actually make a difference in your life.

2.  Find someone to bless today.  This one is huge.  I can't really influence who gets elected but I can influence the people around me.  Do you know someone who needs encouragement or maybe someone who needs a meal.  The list of needs goes on and on.  Did you know the Bible says that when you give to someone in need, you give to Jesus?  That's really big.

3.  Remove a critical spirit from you.  See I have noticed that before the Lord told me to quit giving the race so much attention that I was getting critical.  Not only was I critical of the people in the election but I started being critical of people around me.  That's no place to live.

So I ask again - Politics or People?  The choice is yours.

That's another Opinion of the Minion.

You Gotta Be You

Hello Everyone,

It's been on my heart to start writing again so here goes.  Today I want to talk about being true to yourself.  Have you ever been in a place were someone says or does something that you don't agree with?  Maybe you see someone at school bullying someone or saying something bad about someone.  I have found myself listening to people with views that differ from what I truly believe.  I've tried to reconcile some of those opinions and beliefs and tried to "go along" with them in my spirit but it never felt right.

Here's the thing.  I never felt peace until I finally decided that no matter who I am around or what they say, I'm going to be true to what I believe.  I'm going to stand up for what I believe is right regardless of whether it's popular or not.  It may seem cool if you are part of the in crowd at school and they want to make fun of someone but it's not.  It may seem cool to talk about someone behind their back but it's not.  It may seem cool to agree with the "new age" standards that many people in the world want to set but it's not.

What standards am I talking about?  Well that's a question that I will leave to you.  I will tell you this.  If you really don't know how you feel about any particular issue, pick up your Bible and get God's opinion on the subject.  While it may not be the most popular, it will definitely be the right one.

Before I finish, I want to say that it's not always OK to run around spouting your opinion to anyone and everyone.  If you feel inclined to tell every person you meet what you feel or your opinion, that isn't right either.  If someone has a different opinion that you, it's OK.  What's not OK is for you to change your opinion on any subject just to try to fit in with the crowd.

While it's a little short and sweet, that's the Opinion of the Minion.

To Your Parents

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to talk to all of you that are parents.  If you are a young person, ask your parents to read this.

Let me start by saying that I am a parent/stepparent to five very wonderful and very different children.  Our children are ages 15, 14, 13, 12 and 10 so we are just hitting the teenage years.  We are hitting the age where they become more and more independent.  But let me tell you this parents, we are also hitting the time of their lives where they begin to dream their own dreams and want to go their own paths.

For many parents this is a hard time.  See we think we have the plan for their lives.  We see them going to college and getting a good job out of school then preparing for a family and in many cases following the same track that we went down.  After all, if it was good enough for us, it's good enough for them right?  Wrong.  They have their own dreams and their own desires.

This past weekend, my wife and I had the opportunity to watch our oldest daughter perform in a theater camp in our town.  It was a wonderful experience for her and she truly enjoyed it.  In the second act, I was hit by part of the performance.  The musical is about kids going through school and it's "target audience" is teachers as they are in the classroom and their impact on the kids they teach.  At one point, four different young men and women describe a boy who writes a poem.  The first poem is named Skip after his dog because that's what it's about.  His teacher gives him an A and a gold star and his mom pins it to the wall.  His dad tucks him into bed and he's enjoying life.

The second poem is called Autumn because that's what it's about.  His teacher gave him an A and his mom told him not to pin it to the wall because the wall had just been painted.  That year he noticed that things weren't as rosy around him.  Then he tried another poem called Question (I think) because that what it was about.  His mom didn't say anything about it and his dad got mad at him when he tried to tuck him into bed.  He wrote his last poem on a matchbook and completely checked out of life.  His parents never knew he was unhappy.

The skit is followed by a song called, "I've Come Home."  It's about children coming home and the place of safety, love and warmth they find at home with their family.  This made me start to think about my own children and I began to wonder if my desire to see grow into the adults that I want them to was clouding my ability to see their dreams and desires.  What part of where they thought they wanted to go was I missing.  Since they are teenagers, their dreams are probably going to change several times over the next few years but that doesn't matter.  I started asking myself what was I doing to encourage them to stretch out and work for their dreams.  What was I doing to help them work hard to achieve the things that God put in their life, not the things that I was trying to put in their lives.  Now I am not saying that grades and their upbringing isn't important and as a parent it's definitely are job to make sure our kids work hard and do their best.  It is our job to help them grow into strong men and women.

Let me close with this.  What if Billy Graham's mom had forced him to be a dentist?  What if Albert Einstein's mom had forced him to be a lawyer?  What if Mother Theresa's mom had forced her to be an actress?  It would be like trying to put a size 8 foot in a size 6 shoe.  It just wouldn't fit.  So let me ask you this parents, what are you doing to help your children realize their dreams?

That's Another Opinion of the Minion

Random Acts and Bank Accounts

Random acts, we've all seen them on the news.  Someone gets mad at someone else in traffic and communicates something ugly.  Someone else comes home from a bad day at work and yells at their kids.  Someone else gets really upset and punches someone out.  This list could go on and on.  So what do they have to do with bank accounts you might ask?


Well I am not talking about the bank account you have at Bank of America or Citibank.  I'm talking about people.  Did you know people are like bank accounts.  Every time you do something negative to them, their emotional account gets lower.  Every time you do something positive to someone, it goes up. 


Let me try to illustrate this.  Last week when I went to pick up three of our five kids, our youngest daughter was having a fit.  She was going to get to go where we were because she was sick and it wasn't a good idea.  Now she is 9 years old but was acting more like 9 months and having a toddler fit.  This particular day, I did not have a great day at work.  To top it all off, I was late to get the other two boys to swim practice.  So what did I do?  I did the "natural" thing to do - I lost my temper.  Now I don't really have a bad temper but I did get really mad (for me) at my daughter.  I was so mad, I was raising my voice at her and she was yelling at me. 


It ended with me spanking her and her still throwing a fit.  At one point, she said some really mean things to me.  Because I am her dad and she is a child, the things she said didn't really bother me.  After all, she is only nine.  Her behavior was in appropriate so I corrected it but what if she was 20 years older and said she hated me?  It could really hurt my feelings and damage my self esteem.  Now this wasn't premeditated, it was a random act that could have really drained my emotional bank account.


Let me tell you another random story.  Most of you know that I am from Texas and I still believe in saying ma'am and sir.  I think it's polite and I like it.  It's a way for me to show someone respect.  Now the other day, I was in a Starbucks in a different state (if you know me that's a shock right?).  The person behind the counter asked me a question and I said, "Yes ma'am."  However for a split second, I was mortified because there was a distinct possibility that I just said yes ma'am to a guy.  It would have been a totally insulting thing to do.  Fortunately, it turned out to be a girl so I was safe.  Again a random act but it could have definitely hurt some one's feelings.  That could have definitely drained that person's emotional account.


Up to this point, everything I have discussed centers around not hurting someone and draining their account.  I suppose I could stop right now and say that it's best to be careful that we don't hurt other people and that is certainly true.


But I want to take a minute and talk about the other side of the ledger.  If you take $100 to your bank and deposit in your savings account what happens?  Your account balance goes up right?  So what if we took that same approach and started adding to other people's emotional accounts instead.  When was the last time you walked up to a total stranger and given them a compliment?  Are you too shy for that?  Well let me ask you this.  How would it make you feel if someone in line at Starbucks that you didn't know (assuming you are a lady) that you really looked nice in the dress you were wearing?  How would it make you feel?  How about if you told someone you work with thank you for doing a good job on something?  It's going to make their account balances go up.


So let me encourage you in this today.  Try to find someone and give them a random act of kindness.  Be careful though.  Because whatever you do to someone, it will be done to you.  If you start giving out random acts of kindness, sooner or later, they are going to start coming back to you!


That's another Opinion of the Minion

To Fear or Not to Fear

Hello everyone, 

Today I want to talk about fear.  Now we could discuss all kinds of phobias and it seems like there is a phobia for almost everything.  There is even phobia of success.  Can you believe it!  If you Google it, there are a lot of things to say about it.  There's also the fear of failure which is the opposite.  We run around a lot wondering about what happens if we fail.  What happens if we try out for something and don't make it?  Most of the time, nothing really bad happens.  We might get embarrassed if we fail or we might not get something we had our heart set to do.  But other than that, what negative really happens?

Let me ask you this.  What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?  Would you become a professional athlete?  Maybe you would run for President or run some big corporation.  I am digressing from my topic for tonight so I will save this discussion for another day.

Let's talk about fear itself.  It can grip us and stop us in our tracks.  Some people believe that a little fear is healthy for you.  That's almost as intelligent as saying a little cancer is healthy for you or a few broken bones are good for you.  After all, they might teach you something right?  Nope.  A little fear is not good for you because fear connects you to the devil and that's not a connection you need to make. 

Now I can hear some of you saying, "Well Mr. Minion, the Bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."  Yes, there are some translations of the Bible that use those words but what it really means that the reverence of the Lord and the respect for the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.  It doesn't mean that being terrified of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.  For the record, God doesn't want you to be afraid of Him.  That thought is just plain ridiculous.  Are any of you parents?  Are any of you in a relationship?  Do you want your children, spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend to be afraid of you?  Of course not,  I have five children and I don't want any of them to be afraid of me, not even a little bit.

If you think about it for a few minutes, we use the word fear a lot and can make connections to it.  Have you ever said, "That scared me to death?"  how about sayings like, "That ____ will be the death of me yet?"  Some people even sit around and talk about all the bad things that can happen to them.

So is fear a good thing?  Not on any level.  So if fear is so bad for you, what's the opposite of fear?  The answer is faith.  Faith in what?  First and foremost, faith in God.  Second faith in yourself.  Third faith in the plan God has for your life.  When you turn from fear, you're left with faith.  

I can already hear some of you saying, "Well what about what's going on right now in my life?  What if it doesn't work out?"  Not too long ago, I was afraid of losing my job and I was afraid that my new wife wouldn't care for me anymore.  That she might even not want to be with me anymore.  That fear was gripping.  But here's what I finally realized.  Regardless of what she did or didn't do, God would be with me.  He will see me through to the place of victory he has for me.  For those of you who know me personally, you should know that my wife has very strong moral character and I truly believe that she is deeply in love with me and committed to me.  The only thing that freed me from it's grip was to turn to faith in God.  If all those bad things happened, I would still be OK.  

But one thing I learned while sitting in that fear was that I didn't enjoy life.  I was sitting at a place watching everyone around me having a good time and I wasn't.  Why?  Because that fear had a grip on me.  Once I got out of that grip through faith, I started having a good time again.  So if your at this place right now, let me encourage you.  Take a step out of fear and take a step of faith!

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Fight or Flight

Hello everyone,

This post might not apply to everyone but today I want to talk about your fight or flight reflex.  This is really something I probably already knew but it's something that I have realized about myself recently.  I don't know where I heard this but I have heard it several times lately.  When we face fear or some unpleasant situation, there is a reflex that kicks in almost immediately.  We either want to fight the situation or we want to run away from the situation.  

Before I tell you what I learned, let me say that to go to either extreme is not a wise decision.  There are times when you should fight and there are times when you should simply walk away.  In the words of my mom's favorite Kenny Rogers song, "You've got to know when to hold'em.  Know when to fold 'em.  Know when to walk away and know when to run."  I will soon describe what I have learned about my flight mechanism but before I do, let me say that there are going to be times when you should run away from the problem.  If you find yourself confronted with a gun and you don't have one, RUN. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, ladies RUN.

But what if you just find yourself in a hard place?  For me, I used to shy away from conflict.  It has taken me several years to realize that this was me running from problems.  I didn't want to hurt any one's feelings and I didn't like when people hurt mine so I would just avoid the conflict.  In some ways, I reasoned that it was easier to just keep walking.  Now if someone calls you a name, that is the best thing to do.  If you don't like the way they treat you, then just keep walking.

But what if the person you don't like is your husband or wife?  Or what if that person is someone who works for you?  Maybe that person is your boss.  You can't just run away from everyone of those types of issues.  Just recently in my own life, I was faced with a situation where my wife did something that I didn't like.  The easiest thing for me to do would have been just let it go and say nothing.  Now we both do that for each other regularly and that's part of a healthy relationship.  But in this case, it was something that really bothered me.  I could sense myself getting mad at her and I noticed that because I hadn't talked with her about this one thing, almost any little thing she did would aggravate me much more than it should.  That's when it finally hit me that I was trying to run from a situation that I needed to address.  Now here's the amazing part of this story to me.  As soon as I recognized what was going on inside me, the little things that were trying to annoy me disappeared!  I was perfectly fine waiting to talk with her about it until we had time.  Here's another thing, as it turned out, it was just a misunderstanding between us.  This particular issue wasn't a big one at all but it did teach me that I need to identify places where I am trying to fly when there are times that I need to fight.

So that's another Opinion of the Minion

Take the Test

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to talk with you about test taking.  We all love to take tests right?  Well I normally don't.  They are a lot of work and what happens if we fail.  We can get a bad grade and if we fail too many times, we have to take the whole class over.

How many of you have a driver's license?  If you do, there is a very good possibility that you had to take a test before you were given one.  In Texas, I took Driver's Education class, I practiced and then I took the test with someone riding in the car with me.  I will never forget that day.  I believe it was my 16th birthday.  It was the very first day that I could take the test and I was sooo excited.  I couldn't wait to get my parents out of the car and hit the road on my own.  It was a day of great achievement.  I could finally drive my mom's 1975 Oldsmobile Omega by myself.  We called this car the splotch because it was many different shades of ugly green.

On that very memorable day, I pulled out of the parking lot with the Department of Public Safety officer in the passenger seat giving me directions.  I was a little nervous but that was OK.  One of the first things he asked me to do was parallel park and I did almost as badly as you can do and still not completely fail the test.  I hit the curb with the car sticking out into the street.  It was bad but not catastrophic yet.  We pulled away from there and drove across Jacksboro Highway into a nearby neighborhood and went through the rest of the test.  I got a couple of points taken off due to the way that I backed down the street and I ended up with a 77 on the test.  It wasn't pretty but it worked!  I had a driver's license.

But what would have happened if I failed the test?  Guess what, I would have taken it again at the next available time and continued over and over until I passed.  Here is something else, the State of Texas would let me take it over again.  So why am I telling you this today?

Well many times life is like that driving test.  There are things in this life that we want to do, have or be.  Maybe you want to be a better friend.  Maybe you want to be a better mom or have God do something wonderful in your life.  It could be that there is some bad habit that you just can't seem to shake.  In times like these, you may feel discouraged and feel like giving up.  You may even feel like God is mad at you.

There are also times when you don't want to do something hard.  Have you ever avoided a conflict because you don't like the uneasy feeling that comes from conflict?  Have you ever wanted God to promote you in some area of your life?

Well most of the time to accomplish any of these things, we have to take a test.  Many times God will test us before he gives us something to see if we are ready for it or not.  What happens if we fail one of those tests?  Sometimes the devil will tell you that it's over.  Whatever you are hoping would happen will not and you should just quit.

Let me tell you that God is a loving God.  He wants you to have many of the things you want and he will never stop giving you chances to take the test and pass!  So if you fell down and didn't achieve your goal, stand back up and dust yourself off.  Then get right back to studying for the test.  Then keep taking the test until you pass!  God will continue to let you take the test as many times as you need until you pass.  He's not mad at you if you fail.  The test isn't impossible to pass.  God can show you how.  Also remember this - He is pulling for you and so am I.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Conflict

Today I want to talk about something that is a very tough subject and honestly I don't know if I have ever seen people do this right.  I want to talk about how we solve problems between people.  Now I don't think that we can really go around solving other people's problems.  I know several people who have tried unsuccessfully to do that for years.  But what I want to talk about today is a great personal triumph for me.

Think with me for a minute about learning how to drive a car.  If you had never done that before and had never even seen a car, do you think you would be capable of driving one?  Let's say you managed to get the car started and drive it.  Since you don't know the traffic laws, there is a very good chance that you will wreck that car and quite possibly get someone else hurt right?  Well that's the way I think I have been with conflict resolution for most of my life.

If you are married or in a serious relationship, you are going to have conflict between the two people in the relationship.  If you aren't, you are going to have conflict between yourself and your friends and all sorts of other people.  Now for me, resolving conflict with friends has always been fairly easy but for years I have had conflicts with people who are close to me and had no idea how to resolve it correctly.  As I have said before, for a long time I simply turned my emotions off.  That wasn't the best thing but it made conflict resolution easy.  How?  Well, most of the time I would other people simply run over me. Whenever there was a conflict I was normally the one to try to keep the peace.  I read in the bible that blessed are the peacemakers and I tried to be a peacemaker.  The problem was, many of the people I knew only wanted peace on their terms.

That typically didn't work out well for me because I just gave in.  Was there really conflict resolution?  No because I just bottled up all the hurt and never found a balanced, healthy way to resolve it.  Part of my problem was having to deal with people who didn't know how to resolve it either.  Most of them learned that the way to resolve conflict was to get mad and yell.  If you show enough anger then the other side will back down and the conflict is resolved right?  In the short term, that is true but it is very damaging to a relationship.  So that way doesn't work either.

About a year and a half ago, the Lord really opened my eyes to my emotions and how they work.  Since then, I have felt a lot of things.  Most of them are new.  Many feel good but many do not.  This brought a change in the way I decided to resolve things.  If I didn't get a good solution to the problem and one that was more on my terms then I would simply cut the offending person out of my life.  I applied this to dating and I can tell you it didn't really work either.  What I was saying then was unless you are perfect, I won't be around you because if you mess up once, you must be like the other people I have dealt with who don't know how to do this any better than I do.  Guess what, that isn't a winning strategy either.

So why am I so excited?  Well I recently dealt with a person over a particular issue.  On the issue in question, the other person did something that aggravated me a little.  Now fortunately, I read a book earlier that day discussing conflicts and how we resolve them.  Some people believe that how you resolve conflict will indicate how long you stay in relationship with someone.  If you don't do it well, that relationship won't last.  Well in this particular case, I ran a quick errand to give myself a little breathing room to think through things a little.  When I did, here is what I discovered.  This issue did irritate me and it would be unhealthy for me ignore the emotion.  However, in the grand scheme of life, it really wasn't that big a deal.

The other person in this situation could sense that I was offended and thus became a little defensive.  I was able to share how I felt.  It didn't take long and as soon as I shared my feelings and knew the other person generally cared about how I felt, all of my aggravation over the situation left.  I felt much better.  At the end of the discussion this person felt better too.  The funny part is that I don't know if the other person has had much success in life resolving personal conflict either because I sensed this person was waiting for me to attack.  When I didn't it seemed like it was a little shocking to that person as well.  Did it feel great?  Yes!  I finally let something bother me, expressed my emotions in a calm and respectful manner and then the situation was resolved.

So what did I learn?  When you have a problem with someone, you need to acknowledge that their is a problem.  Don't stuff it down but don't react out of anger either.  Take a few minutes to cool off and get your head under control.  After that, take the time to express yourself in a respectful way to the other person.  After that, you will feel better.  Now let me also say that it certainly helped that I knew the other person loved and cared about me.  This particular person is also very level headed and very capable of rationally discussing the situation which was a big plus.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

The Box

Hello everyone,

Today I reposted what I believe to be the most significant thing I have ever said.  The post is called, the Box.  Recently my girlfriend and I were discussing homosexuality and I will not discuss whether it is right or wrong.  You have a bible, find out for yourself.  But I do want to stress that hate for people of that lifestyle is totally wrong.  See our job isn't to judge it's to love.  If you look at thing's through the lense of the Box, it will change the way you look at people.  So, here's the Box.




I have given this a lot a of thought and I believe that the Lord showed me something that changed the way I view people.

You see, when God creates a person he gives them abilities, passions, desires, talents and all sorts of wonderful attributes that we seldom ever see. Then he takes all these things and puts them in a box with silver wrapping paper and very pretty red ribbon tied in a bow around it. He calls the box - You. It is a present to the world. When I saw this for the first time, I looked around at all the people walking by and said to myself, "Merry Christmas!" because all I could see were beautiful boxes waiting to be opened.

The problem is many people don't even know what is in their own box much less have taken the time to look in someone elses box. This starts when we are in school. As we grow up, we learn all kinds of new things about ourselves: what we like, what we don't, the changes that our bodies go through, we learn things in school about the world and we learn about social interaction. But sometimes that social interaction teaches us that the stuff in our box isn't all that important.

Have you ever felt like the stuff inside you doesn't really matter? Can you look back to a point in your life where you were doing something you really enjoyed and someone else called it or you stupid or worthless?

When you pull the most precious parts of your life out of the box and let other people see them, it is scary because you are definitely vulnerable at that point. But know this, the Lord put all those wonderful things inside and they are of great price and value. Don't let someone cheapen what is so precious by their comments.

Everyday, I see people who are alive but aren't living. I think it is because they have told themselves that the treasures in their box aren't important or worth much so they don't do anything with them. They may not have done this openly but below the surface it happens. You have to know that if God took the time to create you and put all those treasures inside you, they are important both to him and to me.

When was the last time you looked in your box and pulled out something you truly enjoyed and used it? When was the last time you opened the box? When was the last time you were passionate about anything? Are you so caught up in the rat race that your box isn't important any more?

Here is another interesting question - When was the last time you opened up someone else's box to see who they really are and celebrate the gifts inside them? Do you always know what is wrong with your husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, kids, friends, parents, family, coworkers but never look inside the box for what is so awesome about them?

Husbands, what would happen if instead of criticizing your wife, the next time you saw her, you decided to look at something that was so precious to her, so beautiful, so tender, so amazing and something she loved about herself? What would happen if you nurtured that gift and encouraged it to grow? What would happen if, after you opened her box, she decided that your box was the most special one on earth and decided to touch the core of who you are? What if you both decided to go deep in your relationship?

Boyfriends, what if you looked at her and decided that you wanted more than just what was inside her clothes, you wanted what was inside her heart. Girlfriends, what if you decided that you wanted the same thing? What if you wanted to explore who they are and make them the best person they could be while they did the same thing to you? What if you looked at them and asked, "What can I give?" instead of "What can I get?"

Is this a little intense? Yes. Is it worth it if just one person decides to open their box or open someone elses? Yes. You see, I believe that I got to see a little glimpse of the creation through the creator's eyes when He showed me this. It was truly an eye opening experience and I can definitely say I will never be the same. I got to see how He looked at and longs for His creation to be all that we can be and how His love for us goes so deep His heart aches for us.

So I guess the real question is what is in your box? I want to know.

That's the Opinion of His Minion

Leadership

Today I want to talk about leadership. 

The thing that really annoys me about this topic is I hear people talk about how to be a leader all the time.  As a matter of fact, four or five years ago, that was the "in" thing to talk about.  People wrote books about it, gave classes about it and in general told you everything you needed to know to become one.

But I really struggled watching people who were leaders that didn't have any people following them.  I saw several people who could tell you what to do and what not to do.  They were "in the know" about all sorts of topics.  In fact, if you needed help with a situation, just bring it up around them and they wouldn't even wait for you to ask, they would just "lead" you out with a lot of advice you didn't request.  Have you ever met people like that?

Well now I want to take a swing at how to be a leader.  Let's start with a good definition.  As I was working out this morning, I was reading a book by Dick Marcinko.  Dick was the leader of a group of Navy Seals in the 1980s and he has written several books about his team.  Now these books are not about his actual team, they are fiction and I would classify them as mental candy.  I don't know that the really expand my mind from reading them.  In the book I am reading now, Mr. Marcinko gave the perfect definition of leadership in two words - follow me.

See I think that is what real leadership is all about.  I am learning as I continue to grow in the places where the Lord put me in a leadership role that this is the crux of how to lead.  In my particular position, I tried to just let things evolve on their own and I basically just sat back and watched a lot of things grow on their own.  I was fortunate that the Lord blessed the work and it did grow but now I understand that I need to lead from the front and provide the vision. 

When I think of leadership, I think of two of my closest friends JC and BL.  They both embody the principal that I am discussing today.  Now let me tell you a couple of things that I learned from both of them while I was at TCU.  First of all, while I was learning these principals from them, I didn't always like them.  They were demanding and they were normally not very tactful in the way they approached getting us to follow them.  But I would have done anything either of them asked because of the way they led. 

See, I followed them.  Why because they were doing what they wanted me to do and they were doing it to such a high level that they did it better than everyone else.  Their challenge was always come up here where I already am and let's get better together.  See, if I wanted their leadership, I only needed to look in front of me because that's where they were.

These two guys embodied what Dick Marcinko said - follow me.  So what am I trying to say today?  If you want people to follow you just start doing what you want people to do.  Quit trying to tell everyone else how they should do something and just live your life as an example of how it should be done.  That's true leadership.

That's Another Opinion of the Minion.

Go To the Source

Hello Everyone,

I haven't posted in a long time and I apologize for that.  I made a comment several months ago about being bored and I have been busy since.

Over the last 18 hours I have been involved in a situation that prompted this post.  As the situation that I have watched would be extremely embarrassing to the people involved, I will not mention anything about this particular one.  I will say this though - I have no condemnation for anyone involved.  If you are reading this and you are involved, you know who you are.

So let me start with one simple question.  What do you do if you hear something bad about someone?  We all know people who like to gossip.  There are also people who tell you things just because they think you should know for some potential benefit to you - Read that just another excuse to gossip.  Well, here are my thoughts on what to do and not do.

1.  Don't go telling other people about a situation unless they need to be involved.  You don't need to tell your best friend (boys or girls) about something that you heard bad about someone else.  All you are doing is spreading the situation to more people and probably hurting some one's reputation in the process.  Did you know that the bible says that we are to love our neighbor like we love ourselves?  How do we do that?  Well one way we do that is by not running around telling people about all the bad things we have heard about other people.  See the bible also says love covers a lot of sins.  Now I am not telling you to keep your mouth shut if you know someone is in danger or has been abused.  In that case, go to someone who is in authority (your parents, a teacher you know or even the police if it is really serious) and tell them.  But your best girl friend or best buddy really doesn't need to know.

2.  Don't assume that just because you heard some rumor that it is true.  I believe it was in the 1950s when some guy on a radio in New York City started a rumor on the radio about alien invasions that caused a big panic.  It was just a joke but a lot of people got shook up over it.  Also, I remember when I was in high school and the boys started talking about sex.  I can tell you that 95% of what they said turned out to be untrue.  Be careful not to judge someone just because you heard a rumor about them.  That is a very dangerous thing to do and it can hurt people who don't deserve it.

3.  If it really doesn't concern you then just forget it and keep on moving.  Most of the time, when we hear things about our friends, we really don't need to know about it anyway.  If someone walks up to tell you something bad about your friend, you can choose not to listen at all.  After all, will it make you a better person to hear the rumor?  Will it help you be helpful to your friend?  Maybe but most of the time it won't.

4.  Lastly, if you must know something about the rumor or the story you were told, go to the source.  As many of you know, I have been divorced for about a year now.  Well, before I got divorced someone started a rumor that I was having an affair on my wife and it was completely untrue.  I never did anything like that.  This particular rumor got back to someone I am very close to and instead of spreading the rumor or calling someone else to verify what she heard (read that still just spreading the rumor), she called me.  It was a very loving act and I appreciate it to this day.  She will always have a special place in my heart.

So let me conclude with this.  Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will kill you.  Be careful what you say and hear about other people.  It is best just to let rumors drop and die when you hear them but if you must discuss it with someone, call the source and get it straight.

That's Another Opinion of the Minion

Fatherhood

OK, I probably should have posted this on Sunday in honor of Father's Day but life is busy and here it is Tuesday.  Today I want to talk about what being a father is about to me.  I think that the whole concept of fatherhood has lost itself somewhere in our society.  Realizing that the number of single parent moms is substantial, there are many kids who grow up without a strong father.

So what does a good father look like?  Well to start with, he needs to take responsibility for his life and his actions.  If you got her pregnant, it's your responsibility take care of the child.  It's your responsibility to train that child in the way he should live so that he will grow up to be a strong citizen and a good person.  Now most of you might think that my last couple of sentences are pointed at guys who get a girl pregnant and then don't marry her or provide for the child.  They certainly apply to that group but I am also talking about married couples and divorced couples as well.  It really doesn't make any difference how that precious child got her, just take responsibility for it and teach it.

Which leads me to my next point.  What should I teach my children?  In my life right now, I have three wonderful children plus two other children who I am around a lot.  So what am I teaching them?  Well yesterday my oldest son mowed the lawn and I paid him to do it.  Then I taught him about tithing.  Regularly we talk about God and how important he is to our life.  Did you know that Abraham was the father of Israel plus many other countries in the middle east?  Do you know why?  Because God knew that Abraham would teach his children about Him.  That's part of our job as dads.  Also dads, we need to know this.  Actions speak much louder than words.  If we tell our children one thing and then act in a different way, they are going to know that we don't believe our own words and they probably wont believe them either.

So after I teach them, what are some other things I should do?  I need to spend on them.  Now most of you might jump to spend money and I certainly tried to lead you that way.  Dad if you had that child, it is your responsibility to help provide for that baby.  Don't tell me that you are a "man" because you are tough, or successful or good looking etc., and yet you don't provide for your own children.  If you aren't trying to provide for them, I'm not sure you are a "man."  But where I want you to really go with this to spend your time on them.  That's normally the thing they want most.  The woman I am dating recently told me she thought I was good with teenagers.  I don't know if that's true or not but if it is true, its because I just talk to them like they are real people.  I don't treat them any different than any other person I would talk to.  I ask them questions about their lives or what's important and then I try really hard to listen to what they say.  Pretty simple stuff huh.

I think one of the most important things you can do to be a good dad is be the spiritual leader of your house.  Let your kids see you pray.  Don't leave all the praying to their mom or to the ladies in your life.  Real strength starts on your knees.  I heard someone say, "Show me a bible that is worn out and I will show you a Christian that isn't."  Let your kids see you spend time in the word of God.  It will help them as they get older.

Let me end this by taking a little different spin.  In many church's today, I hear all kinds of really nice comments about mothers on Mother's day and they are all true.  I am thankful for strong moms.  But then I hear remarks about who really wears the pants in the family or other somewhat derogatory remarks about the dads.  Ladies if you are making those "jokes" regularly, don't be surprised if he lives down to your expectations.  Encourage your man to be a real man and to be a real father.  You will be glad you did.

That's Another Opinion of the Minion

Ask the Minion

Hello everyone.  A couple of weeks ago, I sent a note out on FaceBook asking for your questions.  Below please find the questions and my responses.  Just a side note - In an effort to not waste everyone's time, if the question is about Despicable Me, I will not answer it as I don't know anything about the movie.

MPC - What does it feel like to be called, "minion'? - Well, I named the blog myself so I don't mind being called minion.  I'm just continually grateful for all the people who read it.

FD - Will you give me money? - Unfortunately no.

AN - Are you a girl or a boy? - I'm a boy and my real name is Tommy Oswald.

SS - What's your favorite color? - That's a great question but unfortunately, I really don't have a good answer.  I think I have answered this question blue or black before but I don't know that I have a real favorite.

GM - Do you like eating pie?  - Yes

EF - Do you like cheese? - Yes

MG - Why are you so tiny? - I don't know.  I have wondered that myself from time to time.  I'm only 5' 7".

JT - Why do you have so much swag? - As many of you know I am 40 years old so what is swag?  If you can answer, I will try to answer your original question.

BP - How old are you? - 40

MO - Who is the top minion? - Jesus

JE - What's your real name? - Tommy Oswald

IP - When will the boys at school leave me alone? - I honestly don't know.  Probably not until you are out of school.

WH - There's a guy I know who gets on my nerves a lot.  How should I handle the situation?  I hate to sound cliche but you need to pray about it to get specifically what God would want you to do with this person.  Something that might help - Why does this person get on your nerves?  Do you understand why he or she does what she does?  I know that when I understand why someone acts a certain way, it helps me to deal with it better.

MJ - Why are you called THE MINION if you aren't from Despicable Me? - Good question.  I started this blog just to have a place to write my thoughts.  I never in my wildest dreams imagined that God would take it and do what He has done.  The name came from a friend of mine who was describing two other people I know.  He called them minions.  Several weeks later I was joking about writing this blog with some guys I work with and it just rhymed.  So I called it the Opinion of the Minion.

GC - What's wrong with me? - GC that's a loaded question?  Why do you ask?

NJ - If your blog is not associated with Despicable Me then why do you associate it by calling it the Opinion of the Minion and having a picture from the movie? - I think I answered this above but let me add a note about the picture.  I was looking for pictures of a Minion because FaceBook wanted a picture.  I ran across several pictures that looked like small demons and didn't like them.  When I came across this one it made me laugh so I thought I would give it a try.

AW - What's your middle name? - Wayne

TD - Will Obama get reelected? - I wish I knew because I could make a lot of money betting on it but unfortunately I don't.  TD, let me say thank you for asking.  We have known each other a long time and it's nice to get your question.

OK everyone, that's another round of Ask the Minion.  If I didn't answer one of your questions and it was not a reference to the movie, please ask again and I will certainly try to answer it.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Do I Really Need Help

OK, today I want to talk about a subject that has been a problem area for me over the years.  What do I do when I need help?

Before I can answer that question I have to answer another one that can be much more difficult for me.  Do I need help?  I can already hear all of my friends and family describing in great detail how much help I need.  And yes for just a minute it does make me laugh.

But for me it is a very serious question.  See I have always believed where there was a me there was a way.  What does that mean?  Well it means that I can handle any problem that comes up.  If you have a problem, together we can find the solution.  This is a very good attitude and it has served me very well in school and then in my business and in life generally.  But unfortunately, I took it a little too far.  I got to the point that I began to think I didn't need any one's help.  I knew that I needed God's help with a few things.  Obviously, I could not get to Heaven without Jesus.  I knew that and there were certain other areas that I needed His help as well.  But outside of that I didn't think I needed any help.  I remember telling my ex-wife once that I only needed her for one thing and I only needed her for that because my covenant with her wouldn't let me get it any other place.

So that was a good thing right.  I mean, I did learn to be very self reliant, right.  Well what I told her that day was an incredibly wrong thing to say.  Unfortunately, I was just too ignorant to realize how much help I really needed.

To start with, I needed God's help in so many more areas than I was letting him help me.  I guess I figured, I only needed his help when it came to miracles.  I had no idea how to rely on him like I do now.  Now I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination but I am learning more and more everyday how to rely on him and let him help me in every area of my life.  Here is something you might find interesting.  I enjoy doing little things for people from making coffee to buying dinner.  It isn't a big deal but it does help and bless them.  Now guess what, God loves doing those same little things for me.  It's such a humbling thought to think that the creator of the universe is interested in the little things in my life but it's true.

Now if I wouldn't let God help me with anything, I wouldn't let anyone else either.  I can remember times when I was carrying a whole bunch of stuff up to my apartment and someone would ask to help.  My response was always, "No thank you.  I can handle it."  That was probably true with the groceries to my apartment but I began to realize that there were other areas of my life where I couldn't handle things all the time by myself.  Just take my company for example.  I have several people that work for my company because I am not capable of doing everything myself.  That seems pretty obvious but what about carrying the burden of a failed marriage or how about carrying the burden of some other type of broken relationship?  How about getting help losing weight or changing my financial situation?  I couldn't do these things on my own and guess what, neither can you.  See we all have areas in our life where we need help and not only is that OK but it's very normal.  In fact, it's the way we were designed.  Do you know what the most important thing to God is?  He didn't send Jesus to reclaim the gold or the silver or any other "thing" on the earth.  That wasn't significant to him.  He wasn't concerned about that part of his creation.  He sent Jesus to get the most precious part of his creation back - you.

OK, so now that I have decided to admit that I need help, what should I do?  This is a pretty complex question with a really complex answer.  Are you ready?  I have to ask someone for help.  Pretty deep theological stuff right?  Well for me that can be very difficult to do.  I have learned about asking for help from D.  D is an amazing woman and I am truly grateful for her.  There have been a few times in our relationship that she has asked me for something.  She doesn't apologize for asking.  She just asks knowing that I want to help and it makes me happy to help her.

So one day I asked her to pick up my dry cleaning from a cleaners that is near her house.  I was going to her house later and the cleaners was out of my way.  It would have been a little hard for me to get there before they closed and there was an item that I wanted to wear that weekend.  Guess what, I needed her help and when I asked her, she was glad to do it.  It's a little shocking for me to operate that way.  Now obviously I could have figured out how to get the dry cleaning on my own but her help was certainly a blessing.  D, if you read this, thank you again for your help.  I really appreciate it.

So let me sum it up by saying this.  We all have areas and times in our lives when we need help.  It's not only inevitable, it's the way God made us.  But we have to admit to ourselves first that we need help and then we have to take the courage to ask someone else for help where it is appropriate.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Friends vs. Family Part 3

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Let me say thank you to my sister-in-law, CO for her contribution to the Minion.  Here is the last part of her opinion on Friends vs. Family.

CO-
Now I will set the blood tie aside to discuss families that we have through marriage. (The In-laws) Just because we have married into a family does not mean this new family will love or accept us, but it is a blessing when we can become a part of a family in that way. When we marry we then start to build on the relationships we have with our new in-laws. Many people start this process before marriage but not all of us have had that premarital advantage to do so. (I recommend getting to know the family before marrying into it.) I tell my children all the time that apples tend not to fall far from the tree so if they do not like their potential in laws, they might want to study and get to know their potential spouse a little better before making a decision on marriage. If the family is too difficult to deal with because of any number of issues, then it would be beneficial to have those issues worked out with your spouse and his/or her family before they marry. I hope my children do not make that mistake when they marry. I believe some of my issues with the family would not exist now if we would have had the time to get comfortable with each other first.

The irony of my viewpoint is that friendships that become so close to us that we claim them as family are purely accepted and loved. However, family that we were born into and married into do not receive the same acceptance as a good friend. Families bring to many demands and idealisms to the table that get in the way of our being accepted or loved and that makes a family relationship less successful. This does not mean that we love our families any less, but it does cause a lot of strife and it does make the family much harder to enjoy.

My conclusion, based on my own life experiences is that friendships tend to be more successful than family relationships because friends are enjoyable, less judgmental, of like mind, and the feeling is mutual between the two people. Families can be highly successful and similar to friendships. However, a family member would have to approach the relationship the same way that they approach a friendship, having respect for the individual and an equalization of the relationship rather than a warped hierarchy of status and titles.  We as parents have to learn to let go when it is time to do so, and become a friend and just love our families. This does not mean that we can't offer advice or let them know that they may be making a mistake, but we have to leave the judgments and the unachievable expectations behind. To be clear I am not including the relationship between a parent and child that is under an adult age. Children are to be taught by their elders to know the way they should go in life. I am merely speaking of adults in a family environment.

To cap things off I would like to add that my opinion is not all a doom and gloom. I am also not saying that these things apply to every person in my life or anyone else's. I am a firm believer in the exception to the rule and no two families are alike. However, most families share some common characteristics. This article is based solely on my own experience and is my observant opinion.

The Minion

Friends vs Family Part 1

Hello everyone,

Several months ago, my sister-in-law, CO, sent me an email regarding why sometimes our relationships with our friends are more successful than our relationships with our family.  This is a little long so I am going to break it up in parts.  I think she has some pretty insightful things to say.

CO-
Friendships vs. Family Relationships
Why is one more successful over the other?

This is a difficult topic to write about, because many of my opinions would vary depending on the friend or family member I am relating these opinions too, but I am going to try to generalize some of what I am writing.

I believe that friends are more accepting of who we are as people. They are less likely to be judgmental of our everyday lives and as the old saying goes "Birds of a feather flock together." Our friends tend to be of a like mind with the things we believe or the actions we typically carry out in our lives. Unfortunately our friendships also tend to be forged from within our own social statuses. It would be difficult (not impossible) for a friendship to be forged from two separate environments socially.

Have you ever noticed how we grow out of some friendships and they fall away after some time? For example, I noticed when I married how the majority of my friends fell to the wayside and given time I had to develop other friends after my new social standing changed. The difference was I was now married and no longer a part of the single crowd. My single friends only wanted to go bar happing, drink, and various other "single minded" activities. I could no longer take part in these things with them. So naturally I no longer fit into these peoples lives. Their interest in me quickly faded, and visa versa due to the lack of common ground that we once shared. Other instances change our social status such as having children, church involvement, financial gain and or loss, and I could go on but I think we get the point. Of course these friends were generally more superficial and the so called love we shared only went skin deep so to speak. The ease in the termination of these friendships also causes me to wonder if we were every really friends in the first place, but that would be another topic all together.

(Let me add that I do think some friends are put in our lives for a short time and some are for a long time.  If you find your friendships changing over time.  That's OK.  I think this agrees with what CO is saying.)
I have had a blessing in life to have a friend that I consider to be more my family than anything. By family I mean that this person will always love me and be a part of my life regardless of the direction my life takes. (Good or bad) Our friendship is successful do to the fact that we completely accept one another, flaws and all. Even when we disagree with one another we have a mutual understanding that the disagreement does not change our acceptance of the other. We respect one another and value each others presences in our lives. There have been times when I have seen this friend making choices that may not have been the smartest thing to do. Being that we are as close as we are, I am able to voice my concerns with her. However, that does not mean she will take my advice or warning. The only thing I can do if things go badly for her is be there for her, be encouraging, and sometimes help pick up the pieces in love. What else are friends truly for except to be there for one another in bad times and enjoy them in the good times? Enjoying their company is only a benefit of friendship but not its purpose when it comes to being that close to a friend.

I believe true friends are bound by a type of love. We have a successful friendship because we choose to act in love toward one another, and a big part of that is not being judgmental toward each other when we mess up. We also do not hold grudges and even forgive each other easily when we have said or done something to offend each other. I am an only child in my family, so I do not know what it is like to have a brother or sister. I imagine for myself that this friend is probably the closest thing I will ever have to a sibling. We have known each other since junior high school and we have been close for longer than P and I have been married. Just as much as I could not imagine my life without P, I also could not imagine not having this friend in my life. It is also nice to be able to talk to someone I can trust about problems that is not on the inside of my family circle. Sometimes it is good to discuss problems with someone that can stay objective because they are not on the inside of what is going on in my world.

To Be Continued.....
The Minion

Is It Real?

Today I want to talk about something that is a little strange to me.  The question is - Is it real?  Is what real, you ask?  When someone tells you something nice is it real?  Several months ago, I wrote a blog about the Box.  It was probably the most significant thing I have written thus far because it meant so much to me.  In this blog, I wrote about how we should look at the stuff that is on the inside of people and not the outside.  I think it is important to see the great things God has put in all of us.  Now it may have been the same blog or maybe not but I also wrote a little about how to take a compliment.

Recently, I have been around someone who has taken the time to take the lid off my box and see what's on the inside of me.  This person has been very complimentary of me and to be honest, it is a little unsettling.  I am not really sure how to take it.  She's used words to describe me like nice, sweet, caring, etc.  She even went as far as to say that I was a good man.  I am extremely grateful for the compliments and I believe that they are from the heart and sincere but they made me a little uncomfortable.  That made me consider my own actions a little.

When I am around someone, I try to be very positive.  I have worked hard to be someone who sees the best in others.  While I am not perfect, I feel like I have come a long way.  Like I have said before, I'm not where I want to be but thank God, I'm not where I used to be.  But I got a lesson today in how it feels to have someone do the same thing back to me.  Now it is unsettling but in a good way. 

I recently told someone that I thought they were a very special person and the response I got was not surprising.  That person basically said she struggled to believe what I was saying but she was working on believing it.  I have had this answer before in a different context and I wasn't shocked.  What surprised me a little was that this person didn't believe me.  Now she didn't think I was lying, she just found the nice thing I said difficult to believe.  At the time, I didn't understand why but now I think understand why she felt this way.

Have you ever been around someone who tells you one thing and then does another?  How about someone who tells you that they love you and then they do hateful things to you?  What message does that send?  Actions speak much louder than words so the actions certainly override the words.  Also, for some reason pain has a much more lasting effect on people than love.  At least on the surface this is the case.  So when we feel pain, the thought of it stays longer than love although love will impact you on a much deeper level.  But after someone hurts us, especially if it's for a long period of time, we really have a difficult time believing someone else when they say something nice.

Let me ask you this.  Has something happened in your life that makes it hard for you to believe things when people say nice things about you?  Maybe your self esteem is so low that it makes it hard for you to believe the nice things that people say about you.  The truth about the matter is that everything God ever made is amazing.  He made you and by definition that makes you an amazing person.  God wrote a whole book about you and how amazing you are.  The book says you were made in his image.  If someone tells you any different, ask yourself who's lying?  Is it them or God?  I choose them.  If someone tells you something good about you, it's probably true.  Now I do believe that we need to watch out for people who say nice things to manipulate us.  However, there are many people who just recognize the amazing gifts that God put in our box.  When that happens, let it soak through your skin like rain into the ground and get to your heart where it can grow into something amazing.

Today as we were walking, this person told me that I was pretty special.  I know what she says is sincere and I should have been able to believe her and just say thank you.  However, this is hard for me because it's hard for me to feel worthy of the compliment. There is a fine line between believing that we are worthy and being arrogant.  For years I have tried to hide behind humility to avoid compliments.  Now true humility is good and I try to be a humble person.  But I would avoid compliments or block them out because I didn't feel worthy of the compliment.  Instead of dealing wih not being worthy, I simply chose to believe that accepting a compliment could make me arrogant.

I am learning to accept these things from people and let them cause a harvest of good things to grow from my heart.  In truth, we all need to learn this lesson.

That's another Opinion of the Minion