Go To the Source

Hello Everyone,

I haven't posted in a long time and I apologize for that.  I made a comment several months ago about being bored and I have been busy since.

Over the last 18 hours I have been involved in a situation that prompted this post.  As the situation that I have watched would be extremely embarrassing to the people involved, I will not mention anything about this particular one.  I will say this though - I have no condemnation for anyone involved.  If you are reading this and you are involved, you know who you are.

So let me start with one simple question.  What do you do if you hear something bad about someone?  We all know people who like to gossip.  There are also people who tell you things just because they think you should know for some potential benefit to you - Read that just another excuse to gossip.  Well, here are my thoughts on what to do and not do.

1.  Don't go telling other people about a situation unless they need to be involved.  You don't need to tell your best friend (boys or girls) about something that you heard bad about someone else.  All you are doing is spreading the situation to more people and probably hurting some one's reputation in the process.  Did you know that the bible says that we are to love our neighbor like we love ourselves?  How do we do that?  Well one way we do that is by not running around telling people about all the bad things we have heard about other people.  See the bible also says love covers a lot of sins.  Now I am not telling you to keep your mouth shut if you know someone is in danger or has been abused.  In that case, go to someone who is in authority (your parents, a teacher you know or even the police if it is really serious) and tell them.  But your best girl friend or best buddy really doesn't need to know.

2.  Don't assume that just because you heard some rumor that it is true.  I believe it was in the 1950s when some guy on a radio in New York City started a rumor on the radio about alien invasions that caused a big panic.  It was just a joke but a lot of people got shook up over it.  Also, I remember when I was in high school and the boys started talking about sex.  I can tell you that 95% of what they said turned out to be untrue.  Be careful not to judge someone just because you heard a rumor about them.  That is a very dangerous thing to do and it can hurt people who don't deserve it.

3.  If it really doesn't concern you then just forget it and keep on moving.  Most of the time, when we hear things about our friends, we really don't need to know about it anyway.  If someone walks up to tell you something bad about your friend, you can choose not to listen at all.  After all, will it make you a better person to hear the rumor?  Will it help you be helpful to your friend?  Maybe but most of the time it won't.

4.  Lastly, if you must know something about the rumor or the story you were told, go to the source.  As many of you know, I have been divorced for about a year now.  Well, before I got divorced someone started a rumor that I was having an affair on my wife and it was completely untrue.  I never did anything like that.  This particular rumor got back to someone I am very close to and instead of spreading the rumor or calling someone else to verify what she heard (read that still just spreading the rumor), she called me.  It was a very loving act and I appreciate it to this day.  She will always have a special place in my heart.

So let me conclude with this.  Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will kill you.  Be careful what you say and hear about other people.  It is best just to let rumors drop and die when you hear them but if you must discuss it with someone, call the source and get it straight.

That's Another Opinion of the Minion

Do Nice Guys Finish Last? (Part 2)

Last time I wrote, we talked about how to define a nice guy.  Today I want to deal with the question - Do nice guys finish last?  Most of you probably have not read a post that I did about this time last year discussing why women can be so attracted to guys who are not very nice to them.  Well today let’s look at this from the other side of the equation.

In high school and in our 20s I think it is very difficult for us to know what exactly we want.  We want everyone to like us.  We want people to want to hang out with us.  We want admiration from our friends.  These things are all OK but what this really defines is “being popular.”  Unfortunately at that age, we don’t know how to be comfortable with just being us so to make ourselves feel better we put other people down.  Now if you are a popular kid then when you put someone else down they are “unpopular” right.  

So if you are a girl which group do you want to be associated with?  The “popular” crowd or the “unpopular” one?  That’s a no brainer right?  Well let’s look at the nice guy for a second.  Think of the nicest guy you know.  Does he typically go around putting other people down?  I doubt it.  That’s what makes him a nice guy.  Is he typically going to be in with the “in” crowd?  Many times not.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that if you are popular that you are not a nice guy because that just isn’t true.

But I think girls in high school are attracted to the popular guys because they are “popular.”  Nice guys in that group may be seen as finishing last.  I mean when a girl says you are a great guy or a nice guy isn’t that the kiss of death in high school?  I know I always felt like that was the case.  However something interesting has happened since I got out of high school (which was 20+ years ago).  I discovered that women’s opinion of what they want change.  When the most popular guy in the school struggles to hold a job, doesn’t appreciate her the way he should and never really does things for her, all the sudden her opinion of being with the “popular” guy changes.  

Just a side note for everyone struggling with this issue who is in high school today.  One day after you graduate high school popularity will mean nothing.

Anyway over the course of time the “nice guy” starts to look much more appealing.  What girl doesn’t want to feel special and be with someone who treats her like she is a princess?  Does that sound like a fairy tale?  Well to some degree in real life it is but I think that we guys can be nice and treat ladies the right way.  See guys, here is what I found out.  When you are over 30 and a woman tells you that you are a nice guy, that is no longer the kiss of death.  In fact, it can be just the opposite because a lot of times that lady is so tired of being with someone who doesn’t treat her right that she is actually longing for a nice guy.

I am dating a truly amazing woman.  She is everything I want and so much more.  She is elegant, classy, beautiful, funny, smart, intelligent and I could go on for a while.  When   one of my friends met her, his first comment was how is she even available to date?  Another friend told me that I had far “out kicked my coverage.”  That’s a football term but it is a high compliment for her.  Another friend of mine asked me if she was as pretty on the inside as she was on the outside.  On a scale of 1 to 10 she is an 11.  And here she is attracted to me!  I still find that hard to believe.  But I bet you if you asked her what attracted her to me one thing she would probably say is that I am a nice guy.

That’s another Opinion of the Minion.

Do Nice Guys Finish Last? (Part 1)

Today I want to talk about something I have heard more than once.  Have you ever heard the saying, "Nice guys finish last"?  Well I have and for a long time I sort of thought it was true.  But I have to tell you that at age 40, that's not true at all.

Before we get to the nice guy part, which I may have to address in the next blog, we need to distinguish between being nice and being a door mat for other people.  See for many years I considered myself a nice guy and I really am one.  Before everyone gets all wound up, I don't say that with conceit in my heart.  If you asked my mom or any of my friends they would probably tell you the same thing.  If you asked God I know he would tell you that.

So as a nice guy, here is the mistake that I made.  I have always wanted to be considered one of the good guys.  Several months ago I started dating an amazing woman and I have met several of her friends and family.  They all seem to have a very high opinion of me and that really blesses me.  It doesn't bless me because I want everyone to think highly of me, although I do.  It blesses me because it says that there is evidence of me becoming the person I have always wanted and that other people can see the evidence.  That is truly a blessing.

However, for many years I thought that I was only a nice guy if everyone else around me said so.  In other words if I did something that was unpleasant to someone else and they didn't like me, it meant that I was not a nice guy.  Let me give you an extreme example.  This example is made up and I would not have felt bad about it but hopefully you will see my point.  If a guy was robbing a gas station, I might not have called the police because I was afraid the guy holding up the gas station would not like me.  If he didn't like me then I must not be a nice guy because my definition of being a nice guy centered around everyone else liking me.  That sounds pretty silly right!  Of course it is!  But how about me letting people use me occasionally and take advantage of my generosity because I didn't want them to get mad at me?  That happened a few times.  Now if you are my friend and/or family, I am not pointing fingers at anyone and I am not thinking of anyone specifically so please don't feel like this is pointed at you.

I can even give you bible reference for some of my problem.  Jesus said if a man asks you to go a mile, go two.  Now we all know that Jesus is love so he must be a nice guy.  If Jesus said to do it, then I should do it.  After all, I am trying to imitate Jesus.  Or how about the time Jesus said, blessed are the peace makers. Jesus also said that strife was bad.  So my philosophy was to keep the peace, avoid strife and give more to people than what they asked.  Sounds good right?  Well, I got very out of balance in this area and it took me several years to understand this.

So what is the difference between the two situations I discussed.  When I talked about people who think I am a nice guy, I know that I am one.  Wether or not someone else notices doesn't change that fact.  In the other case, I used what others thought to define me.

So what am I trying to say?  Before I get to whether or not nice guys finish last, we have to define "nice guy."  A nice guy is someone who is helpful to others, respectful, caring, understanding, etc.  Now I may not be all of those things yet but I am striving to be.  Just because everyone doesn't like me or I do something that makes someone else unhappy, doesn't make me any less of a nice guy.  I guess this all gets back to defining yourself by who you are and what the bible says you are, not what other people think of you.  Next time I will talk about whether or not nice guys finish last.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Friendship

OK today I want to talk about friends and I don't mean the TV show.  If you don't have them, you should really try and make some.  I know an amazing woman named D.  She has lots of great friends and I have truly enjoyed meeting them.  I have met some that were very old friends and some that were relatively recent.  A friend of my dad once asked me if I had any old golf balls.  "No," I replied.  "Well then I bet you are not a very good golfer," he said.

Let me ask this question.  If you are an adult, do you have any old friends?  If not, ask yourself this question, "Am I a good friend?"  You might be surprised at the answer.  See my dad's friend was telling me that if I did not play golf for a long period of time and keep the same golf balls around then I was hitting them very badly and losing many of them.  I think it's the same way with our friends.  If we don't have any old ones, we must be treating them badly and losing them.

So I think old friends are important.  I recently had the opportunity to go visit with a friend of mine named A.  A and I became friends in 7th grade.  That was thirty years ago and we are still friends to this day.  When we went to visit him, I went with another friend of mine named, B.  B and I met in 7th grade as well.  It was fun retelling the stories of our childhood growing up in Saginaw, Texas.  I can say these people know stuff about me that I hope doesn't find it's way to the internet!

But what about making new friends?  As I said, D has a lot of friends.  One of them is a great lady named K.  I have only been around K a few times but I really respect her.  She's a great mom and a good friend.  She and D met within the last few years and have been fast friends since.  So let me turn the tables a little on our earlier discussion.  When was the last time you made a new friend?  If it has been several years, maybe it's time to think about making a new one.

How do we do that you ask?  The answer is much simpler than you think.  We make new friends by being friendly.  That's really pretty simple stuff right.  Well for me, I am a little bit of an introvert so showing myself friendly can definitely be work.  Now when I write this blog, I share a lot of personal stuff so you might think I am an open book and in many respects that is true.  But sometimes it can be hard for me to reach out to people and make friends when I don't know them. 

So let me close with this.  Friendships are so very important.  Our true friends are always there for us and it is great because unlike family we get to chose our friends.  I will try to post something about chosing your friends wisely but for now, let me just close by asking you this.  If you did a personal inventory of all your friends, how many would you have?  Is that enough?  Only you can answer that.

And that's another Opinion of the Minion.

You Want to Do Something for Me?

OK everyone, today I want to talk about something that is very difficult for me.  It is hard for me to let other people bless me.  As I have said before, I am divorced and obviously my marriage wasn't a great one or I would still be married.  One thing I learned through the process is that I didn't want my ex-wife to do anything for me.  Now this is probably just my perception but it always seemed like if I let her do something for me, it would come back to me in a negative way.  I really think this was just my perception and in fact she said more than once that I didn't let her do things for me.

I don't want to rehash my divorce but I do want to talk about this whole issue for a few minutes.  I am in a relationship now with a remarkable person.  I have learned much from her and am thankful for her.  One of the things that I struggled with as we started dating was letting her do things for me.  This next part may sound conceited but I don't mean it that way.  I think I am just stating a fact.  I am a good guy and I really like her so it is natural for me to do nice things for her.  But for whatever reason, it was not natural for me to let her do much in return.  Fortunately, I am finding balance now. 

There is one particular instance that really made me understand my problem.  I was at her house one day and she decided that she was going to fix us a meal.  I sat at the table watching her work on our meal and it made me extremely uncomfortable.  To alleviate this, I asked a few times if I could help with something and she very sweetly and politely said no.  She just wanted me to sit there and we talked.  This made me even more uncomfortable.  I really didn't like not helping with some part of the process.  I think I felt that if I did some of the work then I would "earn" my right to enjoy dinner.

Now I have done things for her that I would not let her help me do because I wanted to bless her.  Again, I don't mean this as bragging.  But when the shoe was on the other foot, I was really not interested in just letting her bless me.  That was very selfish on my part.  Fortunately, I didn't say anything and we had a great meal.  How rude would it have been for me to want to bless her but not allow her to bless me back.  She is a very giving person and I wanted to stifle her giving.  Well I am learning to enjoy being blessed as much as I get to be a blessing now.

Before I get to the main point of this blog, let me say this.  We cannot always sit back and "let others bless us" without being a blessing to them.  That's called being lazy and probably a little narcissistic.  I am not saying that I should sit back and do nothing while she "serves" me.  The mere thought of that turns my stomach.  What I am telling you is that we need to be balanced in this area.

So let me get to the main point here.  Just like I was trying to justify enjoying my meal with my girlfriend, many times we do the same thing with God.  Did you know that when you ask God to forgive you, He does it immediately.  He doesn't put a tickler in your personal file and then get around to forgiving you next week.  That's not the way he works.  Here is another thing about forgiveness.  We cannot earn it.  It is a gift.  Yet how many times do we try to earn our forgiveness from the Lord just like I was trying to earn the right to enjoy dinner?  Have you ever decided to feel bad about something for several days as a "punishment" for what you did?  I hear about people doing this type of thing all the time but that's not the way God looks at it.  You should feel sorry when you do something wrong but don't think you can earn your forgiveness.

Here is another thing that I learned.  God wants to bless us all the time.  He prepared a way for us and has a great plan for each of our lives.  And yet we still ignore his plan preferring to do things on our own.  I am not against doctors and if I am sick I will go to see one but what about going to God and receiving the gift he already gave us for healing?  Why do we feel that we should not let God help us and that we need to do things on our own?  God is such a giving God and he loves you very much.  Look around today for his help and when you find it receive it.  You didn't do anything to earn it, yet he gives you gifts and that's not only OK, it's the way he designed things.  So I hope we all can learn from my issue.  It's OK to let people do nice things for you (assuming their motives are good) and it's really OK to let the Lord do nice things for you.  We can't earn them; we can enjoy them.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

My Way Is the Best

Today let's talk about the best way to do something.  What is the best way to do anything?  Why it's my way of course.  Don't we all feel that way sometimes?  My mom's side of the family is a great family and I love them dearly.  We are a really funny group.  As a matter of fact, the last time I was in Tennessee with several of us at my aunt and uncle's house, we laughed so hard and so long that my jaws were sore the next day.  It was a lot of fun.  One of the funniest times for me with my family is when someone is going from point A to point B.  For some reason, this always sparks a debate.

The issue is how to get from point A to B and everyone in the whole family has a different idea of the best way to get there.  Some prefer to avoid stop lights, some prefer to avoid the freeway and some simply know the best back way.  But one thing is certain, we all know the best way and most of the time we think our way is better than everyone else.  Now this is all in good fun and no one ever gets mad but it does illustrate a good point.  My way is always the best way to me.  Of all those different routes, one might be better than the others and guess what, mine might be the worst suggestion of the whole group.  So what should the person who is going from point A to B do with all these suggestions?  Take the best one - even if that person's isn't the best.

Obviously this type of thing isn't a big deal.  If I chose to take my directions instead of my cousin's or brother's or some one's the worst thing that will probably happen is it will take me a little longer to get where I am going.  But let's take this same philosophy and apply it to something more serious.  How about being a good parent?  As I have stated many times, my parent's are both good parent's and good people.  But one of the things I wanted most for my children was to raise them according to God's way.  My dad has only started attending church regularly in the last several years and growing up, God's word was not as central to our lives as it should have been.  Mom and Dad, I love you both and I am not throwing rocks at your parenting.

My oldest child is twelve years old and my youngest is almost eight.  I have always thought that I was a good day.  After all, I took them to church, provided a nice house and good clothes.  I even play with them although I should do that more.  So I thought I was doing the right thing as a father.  Have I made mistakes along the way?  Sure.  I am not married to their mom anymore and it took both of us to ruin a marriage.

However, last summer I went to see a movie called "Courageous" and it made me realize that I needed to make sure I was being the best dad I could so I bought several Christian books on the subject.  Here is one thing that I noticed I wasn't doing as well as I should.  One of the things that attracted God to Abraham was that Abraham would teach his children the ways of God.  I thought about it and decided that I needed to do more of that.  I needed to help my children understand God's ways so that they would be farther along in their walk with the Lord than I was at their age.  I also realized that my way of raising them needed help.

Let me give you a couple of other examples that I learned about my parenting skills.  I hate to call this person my girlfriend because at 40 years old that sounds strange but I don't know any better words.  Her name begins with D.  Now D is a really good mom.  I have watched her around her kids and realized that there were several things I needed to change about the way I was raising mine.  First of all I pretty much let my kids eat whatever they want.  Neither their mom nor I have ever consistently forced them to eat healthy and that is wrong on both of our parts.  I think we both gave in to them because we didn't want to hear all the complaining that the kids did when they didn't get their way so we let them have it.  That was not the best way to do things.  When people approached me to tell me they were concerned, I always rationalized the situation away.  But after listening to and watching D, it made me realize that I needed to change my ways of parenting.

On another front, I always let my kids drink whatever they wanted.  That wasn't good either.  Sometimes I would rationalize things again by saying I was too tired to deal with all the complaining.  But again, I listened to D and she helped me realize that my way wasn't the best way.  D, let me publicly say thank you for all you have taught me.  I needed every bit of it.

Let me close by saying this.  While the mistakes I pointed out in my own life may seem obvious to you, there are probably areas of your life that I can do the same thing in return.  See, we all have areas of our lives where we think our ways are the best and they aren't.  Be open to learning a new way and becoming a better you!

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Time

Today I want to talk to you about time.  How many hours are their in a day?  Come on, this isn't a trick question.  Yup, there are 24 hours.  Now let me ask a couple more questions.  If you found a homeless guy living under a bridge in Fort Worth, how many hours a day does he have?  Yup, the answer is still 24.  OK, how about President Obama or Bill Gates?  We still get the same answer - 24 hours.

Do you see my point.  The difference in successful people and those who haven't achieved all they would like normally centers around how they use their time.

Some people spend a lot of their time complaining or watching TV or playing video games.  Now before anyone gets mad, let me say that I do not think there is anything wrong with watching TV or playing video games.  I like to play NCAA football on my X-Box occasionally myself.  I was a child of the first video game generation and we started playing Pac-Man and Space Invaders.  So there is nothing wrong with them if they are played in moderation.  But there is something missing these days that concerns me.  When we spend all of our time being babysat by TV or video games, we miss out on so much life.  Guess what adults, we can be babysat just as much as our kids by the TV.  Sometimes I hear people tell me all about what is happening on this TV show or that one and it really irritates me.  Because it makes me wonder how much time they invest in themselves or their families.

Parents, I heard about a survey that was done of small children.  They were asked what would they want more - new toys, trips to Putt-Putt or Main Event type places, going out to eat, or spending time with their parents.  Do you know what the overwhelming number of children said?  Yup, you guessed it.  They wanted their parents time.  Parents, we can learn a lesson from this.  We need to spend more time with our kids and less time with American Idol.  Do you want your kids to actually want to come around you when they are older?  Do you want them to respect your advice and come to you for counsel?  Then spend time with them today.  When you invest in their lives now, it will pay great rewards later.

Kids, did you know that there aren't very many people who make tons of money playing video games?  Like I said, it's OK to play them but what are you doing to expand your imagination?  As I sit writing this, my children are outside my house playing in a field behind it that has a pond.  I am not sure exactly what they are playing but they are learning to use their imagination.  Plus, they are doing physical activity which is very good for them.

OK, for all of us parents and kids alike, let me ask when was the last time you spend any of your time investing in your own life?  For kids, you are probably going to school which is investing in your life.  For adults, when was the last time you learned something new?  I think we are all familiar with the concept of atrophy.  When we don't use a muscle it shrinks.  That's called atrophy.  I think our brains work the same way.  If we don't exercise it regularly, it will grow stagnant.  All of the sudden, we accept the very things in life we want to change most.  That's a bad place.  We should always work to make ourselves better.  I am dating a remarkable woman.  She tells me all the time how good I am to her.  Now I don't mean this to brag but that is true.  I do treat her well.  But let me tell you this.  If right now is the best she ever gets from me, it will be a sad thing.  I need to invest some of my time in making me a better me.  That takes a lot of work but the rewards are well worth it.

So I want to leave you with this.  How do you spend your time.  When you look back two weeks from now will you be happy with the way you spent this week?  It's too late to change yesterday but it's the perfect time to change tomorrow.  Take a look at how you spend your time and use it wisely.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Friends vs. Family Part 3

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Let me say thank you to my sister-in-law, CO for her contribution to the Minion.  Here is the last part of her opinion on Friends vs. Family.

CO-
Now I will set the blood tie aside to discuss families that we have through marriage. (The In-laws) Just because we have married into a family does not mean this new family will love or accept us, but it is a blessing when we can become a part of a family in that way. When we marry we then start to build on the relationships we have with our new in-laws. Many people start this process before marriage but not all of us have had that premarital advantage to do so. (I recommend getting to know the family before marrying into it.) I tell my children all the time that apples tend not to fall far from the tree so if they do not like their potential in laws, they might want to study and get to know their potential spouse a little better before making a decision on marriage. If the family is too difficult to deal with because of any number of issues, then it would be beneficial to have those issues worked out with your spouse and his/or her family before they marry. I hope my children do not make that mistake when they marry. I believe some of my issues with the family would not exist now if we would have had the time to get comfortable with each other first.

The irony of my viewpoint is that friendships that become so close to us that we claim them as family are purely accepted and loved. However, family that we were born into and married into do not receive the same acceptance as a good friend. Families bring to many demands and idealisms to the table that get in the way of our being accepted or loved and that makes a family relationship less successful. This does not mean that we love our families any less, but it does cause a lot of strife and it does make the family much harder to enjoy.

My conclusion, based on my own life experiences is that friendships tend to be more successful than family relationships because friends are enjoyable, less judgmental, of like mind, and the feeling is mutual between the two people. Families can be highly successful and similar to friendships. However, a family member would have to approach the relationship the same way that they approach a friendship, having respect for the individual and an equalization of the relationship rather than a warped hierarchy of status and titles.  We as parents have to learn to let go when it is time to do so, and become a friend and just love our families. This does not mean that we can't offer advice or let them know that they may be making a mistake, but we have to leave the judgments and the unachievable expectations behind. To be clear I am not including the relationship between a parent and child that is under an adult age. Children are to be taught by their elders to know the way they should go in life. I am merely speaking of adults in a family environment.

To cap things off I would like to add that my opinion is not all a doom and gloom. I am also not saying that these things apply to every person in my life or anyone else's. I am a firm believer in the exception to the rule and no two families are alike. However, most families share some common characteristics. This article is based solely on my own experience and is my observant opinion.

The Minion

Friends vs. Family Part 2

Hello Everyone,

Below please find part two of my sister-in-law's thoughts on why relationships with our friends can be more successful than relationships with our family.

CO-
This brings me to the topic of family. I believe that family should be respected and viewed on the same level we would give to a close friend to be successful.  However, we usually fail for several reasons.  Family is something we do not choose. We are born into our family. We are usually able to choose our spouse therefore to some degree we also choose their family. Unfortunately most, usually do not consider the family they will be marrying into. At the risk of sounding tacky I would like to say that we get stuck with the family we have. Family is harder work than any friendship will ever be. I think this is because we can choose our friends and enjoy them, but family tends to operate differently. We are supposed to love our families despite any characteristics they have that become unappealing to us. We do not get to out grow them, or let them fall away when we suddenly have nothing in common with them any longer. Our brother will always be our brother. Our sister will always be our sister, and our mother will always be our mother, and hopefully, done right, our spouse will always be our spouse.

In most cases I think families are more complicated and harder to get along with. I do believe our families love us, or at least the family that we are connected to by blood loves us. However, I also think that our family tends to forget that we are people too. Rather, they see us as the daughter, the son, the niece, the nephew, or the grandchild. I know this sounds like I am reaching and stretching this to make a point, but I do believe there is a difference. It is as though there is a chain of command and everyone has a title over a name. It is set up in the family from the beginning of our lives that our authority is our parent, and their authority is there parents, and so on. There are other authorities over us though they are lesser because what mom and dad say comes first. We are taught to listen to our aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I am not saying this is a bad thing. What I am saying is that as we mature and become adults, our families do not let loose of their authoritative roles in our lives. Rather than letting us go to live our life, make our mistakes, and be happy for our successes they try to continue to control us. The sad thing is that as adults if we do not do things the way they think we should then suddenly we are not honoring them. I have found that manipulation runs rampant in families and I have yet to meet a family that does not do this to some degree. Families set up expectations of us that are not achievable. It is kind of like a snare set up for failure and I do not even think they are aware of the fact that they do it. Sometimes they demand more from us than we are able to give. Our families haven't any qualms about being judgmental toward us and often they lack understanding, and have no interest in gaining any because they have already decided they know what is going on and how to fix it, when they probably don't.
 
To Be Continued......
The Minion

 

Friends vs Family Part 1

Hello everyone,

Several months ago, my sister-in-law, CO, sent me an email regarding why sometimes our relationships with our friends are more successful than our relationships with our family.  This is a little long so I am going to break it up in parts.  I think she has some pretty insightful things to say.

CO-
Friendships vs. Family Relationships
Why is one more successful over the other?

This is a difficult topic to write about, because many of my opinions would vary depending on the friend or family member I am relating these opinions too, but I am going to try to generalize some of what I am writing.

I believe that friends are more accepting of who we are as people. They are less likely to be judgmental of our everyday lives and as the old saying goes "Birds of a feather flock together." Our friends tend to be of a like mind with the things we believe or the actions we typically carry out in our lives. Unfortunately our friendships also tend to be forged from within our own social statuses. It would be difficult (not impossible) for a friendship to be forged from two separate environments socially.

Have you ever noticed how we grow out of some friendships and they fall away after some time? For example, I noticed when I married how the majority of my friends fell to the wayside and given time I had to develop other friends after my new social standing changed. The difference was I was now married and no longer a part of the single crowd. My single friends only wanted to go bar happing, drink, and various other "single minded" activities. I could no longer take part in these things with them. So naturally I no longer fit into these peoples lives. Their interest in me quickly faded, and visa versa due to the lack of common ground that we once shared. Other instances change our social status such as having children, church involvement, financial gain and or loss, and I could go on but I think we get the point. Of course these friends were generally more superficial and the so called love we shared only went skin deep so to speak. The ease in the termination of these friendships also causes me to wonder if we were every really friends in the first place, but that would be another topic all together.

(Let me add that I do think some friends are put in our lives for a short time and some are for a long time.  If you find your friendships changing over time.  That's OK.  I think this agrees with what CO is saying.)
I have had a blessing in life to have a friend that I consider to be more my family than anything. By family I mean that this person will always love me and be a part of my life regardless of the direction my life takes. (Good or bad) Our friendship is successful do to the fact that we completely accept one another, flaws and all. Even when we disagree with one another we have a mutual understanding that the disagreement does not change our acceptance of the other. We respect one another and value each others presences in our lives. There have been times when I have seen this friend making choices that may not have been the smartest thing to do. Being that we are as close as we are, I am able to voice my concerns with her. However, that does not mean she will take my advice or warning. The only thing I can do if things go badly for her is be there for her, be encouraging, and sometimes help pick up the pieces in love. What else are friends truly for except to be there for one another in bad times and enjoy them in the good times? Enjoying their company is only a benefit of friendship but not its purpose when it comes to being that close to a friend.

I believe true friends are bound by a type of love. We have a successful friendship because we choose to act in love toward one another, and a big part of that is not being judgmental toward each other when we mess up. We also do not hold grudges and even forgive each other easily when we have said or done something to offend each other. I am an only child in my family, so I do not know what it is like to have a brother or sister. I imagine for myself that this friend is probably the closest thing I will ever have to a sibling. We have known each other since junior high school and we have been close for longer than P and I have been married. Just as much as I could not imagine my life without P, I also could not imagine not having this friend in my life. It is also nice to be able to talk to someone I can trust about problems that is not on the inside of my family circle. Sometimes it is good to discuss problems with someone that can stay objective because they are not on the inside of what is going on in my world.

To Be Continued.....
The Minion

Why is It Always About You?

This is the title of a book I read on something called narcissism.  One definition of this word is an unhealthy love for ones' self.  Here's what I found really interesting about this.  According to the Bible, in the last days (before Jesus returns) people will be lover's of themselves.

Before I go any further, let me quickly say that I don't have one clue when Jesus will return.  I don't think the world is going to blow up tomorrow or that aliens are plotting with President Obama and the Chinese to overthrow Luxembourg or any of the other crazy rumors you hear these days.  I will also let you in on another secret.  I am not all that anxious for the Lord to return.  Let me tell you why.  Most of the people that I hear today who are anxiously awaiting God's return are also broke down, busted and disgusted people.  I don't want to be chased off this planet with my tail between my legs in Christ's return.  I want to finish my course and when I have been successful at everything that the Lord has for me here, then and only then will I be ready to move to Heaven.

However, I do believe that we are getting close to the return of Christ.  When will that be?  The bible says that God hasn't even told Jesus the exact time.  So if He hasn't confided the exact time in Jesus, I think it's a pretty safe bet that He isn't going to tell me either.

But I think I now understand what this whole concept of people being lovers of themselves means.  It means they will be narcissistic.  Is this a bad thing?  Yes.  Why am I bringing it up?  Because being around these types of people can be extremely unhealthy and there are going to be more and more of them on the earth.  If you are around friends who are like this, you may want to consider whether or not it makes sense to continue to hang around with them.  Also, we all need to check ourselves from time to time to see if we are acting this way.

The reason I find this so interesting is because I have talked to several people lately who were in counseling sessions (no, I am not a counselor) with other people who were diagnosed with this problem.  There is a healthy form of narcissism and I think we need to understand that it is OK to think about yourself and to take care of yourself.  But what we are talking about here is an unhealthy situation.

So let me give you a few things that are characteristics of narcissism:
1.  Like the title of the blog, for some people everything in their life has to be about them.  They can never talk or do anything that doesn't relate to themselves.  They also have to be first priority over everyone else.
2.  Most of the time, they don't apologize when they do something wrong or their apology is a very sarcastic one.  The reason this happens is that a narcissist believes their world is completely perfect and that they are perfect.  They have a hard time understanding that it's OK to have imperfections.  But like we have discussed before, no one is perfect.
3.  They project anything negative onto other people.  This sort of goes hand in hand with number 2.  If someone tells them that they are wrong about anything, someone else is always to blame for them being wrong.  For example, if you tell a narcissist that they were rude to a store clerk, the narcissist will always blame someone else for why they were rude.
4.  They rarely have the ability to make anyone else happy unless they are completely happy.
5.  Because they have to keep their world perfect, you cannot tell them that they are a narcissist because it would mean that they have an imperfection.

There are others and if you feel like someone in your life really has this problem, I encourage you to get the book with that title and read it.

So why am I telling you all this you ask?  Because these types of people can be very draining.  If you have friends like that, you might want to seriously consider whether or not the friendship is worth it.  If we stay in friendships like that, they are very draining on us and can ultimately do us a lot of emotional harm.

But here is the other reason I wanted to write about this.  I want you to take a look at those five items again.  Now this is going to be very hard because if you have a problem, then it will be difficult for you to admit to this particular one.  But I want you to ask yourself honestly if any of those things apply to you.  I don't want you to be overly critical of yourself.  Just because you came up with an excuse for something you did yesterday doesn't make you a narcissist.  However, if you can't admit that you are wrong, you do have a big problem.

See I was like that for a long time in a couple of areas.  I could not admit that I had a problem with food and I could not admit that I had a problem spending money.  Both were true but this was especially true with money.  I was a financial disaster.  It hurt not only me but also my family and I could not admit to myself that I had a problem.  Finally for me, I had an incident happen that actually woke me up.



That's another Opinion of the Minion

Wait

Ok, I have touched on this subject in different posts but I want to illustrate it again because it's a lesson I am continually being re-taught.  Today I want to talk to you about waiting.  This can be a very hard thing to do and it is especially hard at times for me.

Ladies let me help you understand something about men.  When we are presented with a problem, our first thought is fix the problem.  I know that many times ladies want to discuss the problem just to get their feelings out.

Men, this is a good thing and we cannot change them.  We will make them much happier if we learn to listen to them when they are expressing themselves.  Many times when a woman is telling us about a problem, she is just wants to express her emotions.  This is a good thing and we as men, need to be more in touch with the emotions that are inside us.  When a woman tells you about something that is bothering her, don't try to fix it unless she asks you to.  The more you learn to empathize with her, the better your relationship will be.

However ladies, you need to understand the way we operate.  God wired us to solve problems so if you present us with a problem that you just want to talk about, you can help us help you but letting us know up front that's what you want.  For either sex, if we expect our partner to read our mind, we are setting ourselves up for failure.  Why do you think God gave us mouths?  He intended for us to speak.

So judging by this you would think that I had an issue with the amazing woman that I am dating right?  Well, you would be wrong.  We communicate very well.  The issue I had was an internal one that I had to discuss with God.  Now this particular issue that I was working through was really not a big deal.  It didn't cause me a great amount of stress and it is certainly nothing critical now.  It is simply an issue that I know I will face at some point in the future.  When and where I am not sure at this point but I know I will face it.

So here was the problem, I was trying to figure out the answer to this particular issue today.  It wasn't even an important issue today and I wasn't spending a lot of time consciously thinking about it.  I could just sense it sort of floating around in the back of my mind.  I knew that even if I had the perfect solution, it was not the right time to do anything about the "issue."  I hate to use the term issue because it really wasn't yet.  But like I said, men see problems as a challenge and as you know most men enjoy challenges and for the most part I am no exception to the rule.  Are you ready for the revelation that the Lord told me.  It is of massive proportion.  Here's what he said - stop.

That's it, stop.  He didn't tell me to do anything but stop.  He brought this song to my mind.  It's called "Only Believe."  Some of the words are, "Only believe, only believe.  All things are possible.  Only believe."  I love this song.  But what He was telling me was to wait on Him.  He was telling me that He would give me the answer to this particular challenge when the time was right.  But today was not the day.

It took me a little time yesterday to let this sink in but when it did, it was liberating.  Sometimes the hardest thing to do is wait.  Sometimes we want to jump out and fix a problem without knowing how to fix it.  If we don't really know what God wants us to do, we can try to crack eggs with a sledge hammer.

So what am I saying today?  Here are some of the things the Lord reminded me of through this.  First, today has it's own things to deal with.  Sometimes we try to jump to far ahead.  What are you facing today?  Deal with that today and spend much less time worrying about tomorrow.  Tomorrow will have it's own stuff to deal with.  Second, it's so extremely important to simply trust God.  For this particular challenge, I don't have the answer but I know One who does.  I know that God will see me through every challenge.  Sometimes I just need to be reminded to trust Him.  Lastly, stop and wait.  There are going to be times when we have to just stop and wait.  It may not be our nature but it is the right thing to do.  I hope this helps someone.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Doors

Today I want to take a stab at a funny topic - Doors.  Let's start with wooden doors and then we will move onto metal doors and glass doors, etc.  OK, for those of you who have read a few of these, you know that I won't talk about actual doors but I do want to talk about doors in our lives.

Just like I joked about there being different types of actual doors, there are different types of doors in our lives as well.  Sometimes a door represents an opportunity.  Maybe it represents a new job or a new position at your current job.  I could also represent the opportunity to do something new at school.  But doors can also represent a new friend, a new girlfriend or boyfriend, etc.  We can be talking about one of my favorite subjects - people.  This is were I want to focus for the next few paragraphs and then we will see where things go from there.

Have you ever had a relationship end?  Maybe they end badly and sometimes they just end.  As many of you know, I am 40 years old which means I have been out of high school for a long time.  Now I still keep in touch with some of my friends from high school and there are many who I don't see at all anymore.  I can't think of any of those people that I had some type of problem with.  We just drifted apart over time.  We all went to different schools, started working at different jobs and many of us started our own families.  That all happened over time and many of those "doors" closed in my life.

But there is another side to this.  Most of my very closest friends I didn't know while I was in high school.  We met somewhere along the path of life after and I am certainly glad we did.  All of those people represented doors in my life.  I had to be open to meeting them or I would not be friends with them today.  So let me pause here and ask you this.  Is your heart open to meeting new people?  For some it may be closed because of what happened with other relationships in your life.  I will try to address that in just a minute but let me say, your heart has to be open to new people or you will miss out on some truly remarkable ones.  I recently met a person in the strangest way and I am truly a blessed person because of it.  Which brings me to another point.  God has a million ways to put people in your path that he wants to be part of your life.  Don't let your thinking get so boxed in that you miss the opportunities he puts in your life.

Now let's talk a minute about what would cause someone to close all the doors to new friendship.  Most of the time this happens because someone in our lives has hurt us.  Somewhere along the path of life, a door closed but it didn't just close, it slammed on our finger and it hurt.  When that happens what do we do?

First of all, let it hurt.  Chances are if you are a girl, you are very in touch with your emotions.  You know how to cry and how to feel things on a much deeper level than if you are a guy.  Now us boys, on the other hand, don't do emotions like girls do.  So boys, you are going to have to let things hurt some if you are going to get true healing.  But once it hurts for a while, the healing process will take over and things will get better.  Have you ever cut your finger?  When you do it hurts.  That's your body's way of saying you need to put a band aid on your finger to stop the bleeding and start the healing.  But have you ever noticed that even before it is completely healed, the cut stops hurting?  It can be the same way with our friends.

So how do we start the healing process if we lose a close friend?  There are probably many things to do but I can think of a few that are pretty important.  First of all, admit to your part of whatever went wrong with the friendship.  If you did something wrong, you have to own your part.  Don't make excuses for why you did something, just admit that you did it, ask for forgiveness from God (who will give it to you instantly) and if it's appropriate, ask the other person(s) involved for forgiveness. 

Second, you have to forgive the other person.  This is pretty critical in starting the healing process.  When we hold onto those hurtful feelings and keep that unforgiveness all to ourselves, it can actually feel good.  Using anger at someone to overcome the hurt feelings we have is a pretty normal thing to do.  At first, it works great but just like a cut that gets infected, in the long run it can do us a tremendous amount of damage.  Have you ever seen what happens with a cut that gets infected?  If you let it go long enough, the infection will grow to the point that it can cause the loss of limb or loss of life.  This is the same thing that happens when we choose not to forgive someone.  Notice that the infection gets in us and hurts us, it doesn't hurt anyone else.  It's not contagious and we can't pass it to someone.  It's the same way with unforgiveness.  It only hurts us.  I know this isn't an easy thing to do sometimes because of the bad things people do to us but it has to be done.

Third, while we are on the subject of forgiveness, you have to forgive yourself.  Just like I talked about in the last paragraph, unforgiveness is a killer.  It spreads more quickly and does more damage when we don't forgive ourselves.  Why this is, I am not sure but I have noticed that when I am really getting down on myself it does more damage.  It's almost like opening another cut and letting it get infected.  It hurts about as bad.

Fourth, and this may or not be important, if you are in a hurtful relationship, you may have to leave it.  I will leave that for you do decide.

If you do these things, you are closing a door but you are doing it the right way.  After that door closes, you will find that another one opens.  Regardless of your age, if something like this happens in your life and the person that is leaving is a boyfriend or a girlfriend, this can be extremely painful.  You can have emotional attachments that are strong and they make you want to hang on to the relationship.  That's normal and that feeling is what caused you to become boyfriend/girlfriend with them in the first place.  But what if when that door closed in your life, a better one opened?  That is a difficult thing to see happening for most of us yet it happens all the time.  So, let me encourage you by saying this - If a door closes in your life, you have to process the door and bring "closure" to the situation.  Once you have done that, take a look around.  There may be a much better door right in front of you that you never saw before.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

My Faith Story

Hello everyone.  As most of you who read this blog know, I am a Christian.  An amazing person asked me to share my testimony with her and because if what she said to me after I told her, I thought I would share my personal testimony with you.  After you read this, I would very much love to hear yours.  Please, please, please right back and tell me your testimony.  They are such a blessing.

I have edited it a little but this is what I told her:

I think I was saved when I was four or five. The reason I say this is I have always thought that Jesus was my Lord as long as I could remember. Living like he was Lord was a different thing growing up. We went to a non-denominiational church that believed in the baptism of the Holy Spirit with evidence of speaking in other tongues. The problem with the penticostal denomination is there are some very wierd people doing extremely strange things that make everyone else look strange. I attend Eagle Mountain Church now and it is a non-denominational church. 

Anyway, let me go back in time. Growing up I had a drug problem. My mom drug me to church every Sunday and I hated it. It interfered with watching the Cowboy games and even when they weren't playing I liked to watch wrestling on Saturday night which put me up late.  Hey, I was just a kid.  I didn't know it was fake back then.  I watched local wrestling and really go into it.  Anyway, after I got out of children's church, my brother and I sat at the back of the church in a strategic spot that would allow me to put my bible under my right arm and keep my head straight up and down while I slept. The only way you would know I was sleeping was if you were sitting in front of me and turned around or if I snored.  No one ever woke me up so I guess I didn't snore too loud.  We were also far enough away from the pulpit that the pastor or preacher couldn't see us either.

Back then we went to Calvary Cathedral which is a non-denominational church near downtown. So I slept every Sunday and Pastor Bob Nichols would always end his service by saying, "Father, we have heard the word of God today...." I always felt bad because I hadn't heard it. I slept through the service and I didn't want to lie to God so I wouldn't say that part. Then I finally started staying awake and listening to the word.

That's about when I started TCU. At TCU I was in ROTC and was pretty excited about doing a "varsity sport" called Ranger Challenge. I was in the hunt to make the team when I had an accident at church softball practice that caused me to miss making the team (it was just a bruised thigh but by the time I could run again, I had missed it). That sent me into somewhat of a depressed state. To cut the story a little short, I ended up getting "kicked out" of ROTC because I couldn't hold my weight down and ended up moving in with a girl. This is probably the lowest point in my life and what happened next was truly terrible.  I got her pregnant and she had an abortion.  At this point, I was as far away from God as I ever remember being.  But here's something amazing.  I was far from him but he was never far from me.  The bible says he will never leave me nor forsake me.

While I was going through this period of my life, I obviously quit going to church. I thought up all kinds of nasty things to say about the people who went there. I said they were hypocrites, unfriendly, not real, etc. Word of what I was saying got back to the church I am sure but I never heard anything ugly in response. So, I was living in a one bedroom apartment with this girl and her parents came down and broke us up.  I met her parents before the pregnancy and I remember going for a walk with her dad.  Since we were in college, dating was serious and he wanted to know what my intentions were with his daughter.  I told her dad I wanted to marry her.  It's a wonder he didn't shoot me right there!  I was a complete disaster.  I had been kicked out of ROTC, I was barely able to stay in school, my grades were terrible and I lost my job because I was too lazy to go to work.  If my daughter brought me from back then home, I would have been horrified. After they broke us up, I ultimately got evicted from my apartment because I was too lazy to work and moved back in with my mom and dad. I was either 21 or 22 at the time. At this point, I knew something was desperately wrong. I could not figure out what to do so I would go sit in the bathtub with my bible knowing something wasn't right but not knowing what to do.

Finally, I decided I needed to get right with God (Maybe I got saved for the first time at this point. Honestly, I am not sure). So I decided to go to church with my brother who still attended our church in the youth service. I was prepared to be shunned and rejected and I deserved it but I needed to get right with God and I knew he would be there whether or not the people received me or not. The youth pastor's name was Mark Carillo and I know he preached a sermon but to this day, I have no idea what he preached. As I sit writing this, I am listening to a song called, "The Lighthouse." It couldn't be more appropriate. So Pastor Mark was preaching and it was all I could do not to yell at him to shut up and open the alter. I needed to get right with God and I wanted it done right then. The thought of just going to God on my own was something I could not quite understand yet. Anyway, as soon as he opened the alter, I was the first one down. Then something truly amazing happened. Those people who I had bad mouthed just gathered around me and loved me. They hugged me and prayed with me. It was living mercy that still brings tears to my eyes.

When I stood up, I knew I was right with God and it was a great feeling.

That's the testimony of the Minion 

Ask the Minion

Hello Everyone,

I decided to do another round of ask the Minion because I have had fun with the first couple so here goes.  Before I start, I think most of you know this but I want to be clear on one thing.  I am in no way associated with the movie Despicable Me.  I just liked the character so I put it on my page.

BA - Why do I call my blog the Opinion of the Minion - Originally, I was really just joking about writing a blog with some of the guys in the office.  While on a trip to Houston in February, a friend of mine asked me where two people were who should have been with us working.  He asked me where the minions were.  I thought it was funny at the time.  When I decided to start writing my own blog, I knew it was basically going to be my opinion and minion just rhymed so the name stuck.  What I didn't see happening was the number of people who would actually read what I write.  It is still very difficult for me to wrap my mind around all the people who are fans of this blog.  Thank you all.

ANH - Have you ever resolved the problem with the anti-gravity serum? - I'm not associated with the movie.

EW - What's my Opinion on gay people - Wow.  This is a loaded question.  First of all, I love people period.  Gay, straight, black, white, green, purple, or orange.  I know some people who are gay and they are really nice people.  However, I think what you are asking me is do I think being gay is right?  The answer is - What I think isn't important.  What the bible says is.  If I look in the bible, it says that same sex relationships like that are wrong.  Please don't send me any hate letters.  I didn't write the book.  I'm just telling you what it says.  Now before you gay bashers start chiming in on how wrong you think homosexuality is, let me tell you something else.  Jesus told people to work on themselves before they got into other people's business.  He said that people are walking around making a big deal out of someone elses' sin that is little while they have massive sin in their lives.  What does that mean, mind your own business.  It's not my place to judge a gay person.  It's not my place to judge anyone.  When they get to heaven, they can take it up with God.  It won't matter to me at that point because I will have plenty of areas where I am wrong to discuss with God.  He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.

RS - Why can't you give me $10? - RS, many people in my life have asked me for money.  You are the first one to do it on the Minion and that's funny.

MMDM - Do you think aliens are real?  If so, why? - I think there is life that is not on earth.  After all, God is a real person and he is in Heaven.  We know that Heaven isn't on earth.  It is a real place and it is somewhere so there must be life outside earth.  I don't know if God put other life forms on other planets though.

SB - Why did you pick that as your profile picture? - When I was setting up my FB page, I needed something to go up as a profile picture and I wanted a picture of a minion because of the name.  I really didn't know what to expect but I knew I didn't want anything that looked scary or bad.  When I googled pictures of a minion, the one I used came up and I liked it.

ZKR - What language do you speak? - I don't know much about the movie characters but I speak English.  I can speak very very little German and even less French.

TM - If you choked a minion for an experiment, what color would it turn? - That's cute.  No clue.

JC Part 1 - Explain to me what the real definition of success is in today's society? - JC is a good personal friend of mine so let me start by asking JC something.  Would you consider me a success?  Why?  The definition of success in society is how much wealth you have and what you have been able to achieve like college degrees, etc.  Unfortunately, that measuring system has nothing to do with success.  Success in life is really measured by the number of lives you touch and how you touch them.  Are you a good dad, friend, husband, wife, mom, etc.?  Do you help people when they are in need if you can?  Do you have good relationships?  Are you trying to make a positive difference in the people's lives around you?  If so, then I would call you a success.  Success is measured in the quality of your relationships not the value of your bank account.

JC Part 2 - What will break the cast system we currently need to overcome today for everyone to be able to thrive and prosper together peacefully? - OK you will definitely not like my answer on this one.  The answer is the second coming of Christ.  The bible says that in this life you will have trouble and that there will be wars and rumors of wars.  So the live together peacefully part won't happen until then.  As far as breaking the caste system, I think people have to wake up and want out of it.  If you look at many people today, you will see apathy.  They simply don't care about what is going on around them enough to make any kind of change.  Let's take politics for example.  If enough people don't like someone, they can get together and have him or her voted out of office.  Does that happen normally?  No because it takes a lot of a four letter word - work.  When I was at my heaviest, I was always telling your brother that I was going to lose weight.  Finally one day he told me that I was a liar.  He said that when I got tired of being fat, I wouldn't be fat anymore.  I think it applies to breaking out of the caste system as well.  People have to get tired of it but most don't.  They are more interested in watching TV than changing things.

IR - What's a question?  -That's funny.

IR - What would you do in case of a Zombie Apocalypse? - No clue. Again, that's funny.

WH - How can you recover from a broken friendship? - This is probably a good question for a completely separate blog.  In short, it takes time to heal from a broken friendship.  They are the hardest because typically it's someone you trust.  To start with, find someplace safe.  Because you are a guy, I will give you a piece of advice that applies to everyone but we guys don't do this much.  Let it hurt.  It's going to and when you feel pain, it's your body and spirit telling you something is wrong.  I tried to shut all painful emotions out of my life for a long time and it made me very callous which is a bad place to be.  Next, own up to anything you did in that relationship that was wrong.  Here's another thing I see a lot today, people are afraid to be wrong.  It's OK to be wrong.  Guess what, there was only one man ever to walk this planet who never made a mistake.  You and I are going to make them.  After that, ask God to forgive you of anything you have done wrong.  These next two can be hard.  First - forgive the other person.  You shouldn't be around them if they are going to continue to hurt you but forgiving them will help you heal.  Second - forgive yourself.  After that, it takes time.

JC - lotto numbers - If I knew, I would have already bought my own ticket.  :-)

SS - What is the name of the minion in your picture? - I don't know.

TK - Do you like pie? - Yup.  My favorite is my grandmother's homemade pecan pie fresh out of the oven with a scoop of ice cream on top.

MS - Why can't minions talk? - I don't know.

BP - Why are they yellow and not, like, purple? - Again I don't know.

EM - Do you think the world will end in 2012? - Probably not but I don't know.  Here's why I say that.  The world will radically change when Jesus comes back the second time but from what I have read in the bible, I will be around for a few years after that.  The bible also says we don't know the day or the hour when Jesus will return.  So if everyone says 2012 then I doubt it will be then.

MS - How can the force of gravity come together from mostly the sun and make the world end in 2012? - No idea.

BA - When are you going to answer all these questions? - Today.  Sorry it took so long.

BM - What's a minion bible story? - It's a story from the bible that I try to tell in my own words.  Several weeks ago a couple of people asked me if I would write them so I thought I would give them a try.

SS - Can you rap anything? - Nope

DP - Are you a glow stick? - Nope

JB - What's your girlfriend's name? - I don't have one yet.

JB - Have you cheated on her and what's your dad's name and your momma's name? - I don't have one and so I can't cheat on her but I wouldn't anyway.  If she isn't the girl that I can't stand to be without then I won't stay with her anyway.  I want the girl that looks fine dressed up but is more beautiful to me in blue jeans and a tee shirt with her hair in a pony tail.  I want the girl that I cannot stand to leave.  Someone that I just need five more minutes looking at her and talking to her.  I want her to be physically attractive certainly but that's not enough.  She has to be attractive as a whole person.  If I find that, there will never be any need to cheat on her.  My parents names are John and Donna.

GD - Republican or Democrat? - Hard to say.  Neither party has a clue about fiscal responsibility, neither party seems really accountable to the American public and I am not convinced that either of them has the best interest of the country at heart.  That said, from what I know in extremely broad terms, the Democratic party tends to want bigger government and that is just a mistake so I typically vote Republican.

JWG - How is cooler:  Pon or Zi? - I don't know.

SDJ - Why are minions yellow? - I don't know.

AR - Why can the minions only say ehhh and ahhhh? - I don't know.

SG - Does this page have a contest? - Sort of.  I like to give out "The Box" awards.  What are they?  I will try to write a post but I like to give out an award to someone who does things for others.  If you know of someone, let me know and we can talk about getting them an award.

AA - How small are the minions in inches? - I don't know.

JH - Who does the voices of the minions in the movie Despicable Me and why do they talk in an alien sort of language? - I don't know

And those are answers from The Minion

Christmas Blues

Today I want to try to address what I like to call the Christmas blues.  Do you ever find yourself getting down at Christmas time?  If you are a child, it might not be as big a problem as if you are an adult but I even heard my friend KS say something about it in her blog.

For the last couple of days this has been my struggle.  I know the holiday season is here and I really look forward to Christmas until it gets here.  Does that makes sense.  In some ways it doesn't to me.

See right now I should be happy.  I have direction in all the major areas of my life, work is going fine, I feel like I am growing as a father and as a friend.  I have opportunities every day to help other people and I am entering the holiday season but I find myself more and more these last few days struggling to really get excited about Christmas.  Now I want to continue to help people, I want to be around people, and I look forward to giving them gifts.  I recently discovered that I am really a people person. But I find myself looking forward to January 2nd more than almost any other day of the year.  Why?  Because the holidays will be over.  Don't get me wrong, I don't get ba humbug but I just don't get as excited about the rest for some reason.

Part of the reason I think the holiday season can be difficult is because of what seems to be important these days.  Everything seems to be about the commercial aspects of the season.  At Thanksgiving it was a big meal.  Now we turn to Christmas and it's all about getting and giving gifts.  The whole thing has gotten a little twisted.  Giving of gifts was the first thing that happened on the first Christmas.  God gave Jesus, his son, to the world so that the world could be eventually be brought back in to right relationship with him.  We all know that Jesus eventually gave himself for our sins on the cross but did you know that on the first Christmas he gave up being in Heaven where everything is perfect.  We know he gave it up for us but he gave it up for someone else.  He gave a Christmas gift of his life to his Father so that He could have right relationship with His creation.  I bet you never looked at it that way right.

So what's the common thread in the giving?  Neither God nor Jesus gave a financial gift to the world, the both gave something infinitely more special.  They gave Jesus to the world.  With God is was always about relationships.  That was what was on his mind the first Christmas.

Now don't misunderstand me, I think giving gifts is a very good thing to do but I think there is much more to the season than just stuff.  If you don't get what you want, it's OK because if you got anything, you should be thankful that someone was there to give it to you.  Again, it's about relationships.  If you are a parent that doesn't have enough money to give your child everything you want to, don't worry about it.  There is someone in your life for you to give to and that's really important.  If you don't have enough money to give everything you would like to people, remember this - even though you don't have a lot of money, you do have something to give.  Let me tell you about a few very special gifts that I know of.

A few years ago, a friend of mine told me about getting things for her family at Christmas.  She is a really nice lady but was working a job that didn't pay very much money so she didn't have a lot to spend.  I think she gave her parents a framed picture of her but she made some part of it.  I guarantee that her parents will cherish that gift so much more than a new car.  See, she put herself into the gift.  She gave part of something special.  She gave her a small part of her life to her parents.  If you are the person who I am talking about and you are reading this, I bet you never thought of it that way.  :-)

Another person I know gave her daughter a gift for her birthday.  She was the first person to receive the Box award.  Here is what the person who received the gift had to say:

     “My mother cant afford a lot and I don't ask anything of her. This year for my birthday I said no presents.. just let me cook you dinner. Mom surprised me with the newspaper clippings and cards that came from my actual birthday. This was the most rewarding birthday gift ever. It made me feel like she was truly proud of me. “

I will tell you of another gift that shocked me.  I few months ago, I wrote an Opinion of the Minion about my grandfather.  Now I didn't really think this was one of my best blogs but I put it out there to pay honor to TS Rawle.  What shocked me was the response I got.  I wrote that particular blog because it was what I felt.  Comments on Facebook and e-mails came in from all over the family and everyone was touched.  I couldn't physically give them all a hug but I was able to give them something.

Do you ever find yourself coming down with the Christmas blues?  Well you are not alone, most people have to battle it at some point in their lives.  But know this, as you focus on the true meaning of Christmas and what the real gifts are supposed to be, you will see things differently.  You definitely have something to give and people will really appreciate a gift that comes from the heart much more than one from the wallet.
Well, I have done it again.  I have blogged myself happy.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Christmas Part 1

OK.  We are now officially in my favorite time of the year in Texas.  It's Christmas time.  It's not X-Mas, etc.  It's Christmas.  What do I like so much about Christmas?  Is it the tree, the lights, all the parties and food?  Is it Santa Claus or decorating the house?  Nope.  My favorite part of this year is carrying on the first Christmas tradition.

See, because God loved the world so much, he sent his son, Jesus to earth so we could reconnect with him.  Jesus came because he wanted to give this gift to God, his Father.  What's the common thread?  God gave Jesus so that the world would be blessed.  Jesus gave himself so that God would be blessed.  That's what this season is all about.  It's about giving, not getting.  I am not sure where but I heard somewhere that it is more blessed to give than receive.  At least in my life, that's really true.

Now we have a lot of traditions and I am thankful for them.  I used to enjoy decorating the Christmas tree.  That stopped when I was a young child though.  Apparently we were making a popcorn string to go around the Christmas tree when some part of the light fixture fell from the ceiling and hit me in the head.  Now my parents were renting that place and I don't know if we had to pay for the fixture after it broke from hitting my hard head or not.  OK - I still enjoy decorating the tree and the story above is true or so my parents tell me.

I love to go looking at the Christmas lights.  One of my favorite memories was going with my cousins in the back of my Uncle's suburban when we were kids.  We went to a place called Interlocken (sp?) in Arlington.  What fun we had that trip.  I can also remember the parties and the family fun.  My Aunt Pat used to have a platter that was shaped like a Christmas tree.  She would fill it with this fancy candy and I loved to get into that platter.  That was something I looked forward to every year.  But the older I get, the more I focus on the only real tradition that matters - giving.

As a matter of fact, I like to think about who I can bless and how.  There have been many times when I did something nice for someone and I could hear God inside me (my Dad) saying how proud he was of me.  Now don't get me wrong, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting stuff and getting stuff for Christmas.  After all, someone will get blessed by what we do and it's OK to let someone bless you - even though I get really uncomfortable when people bless me.  I must admit, I would really prefer to be the blessor than the blessee.  For me, I am much more concerned with whether people will like what I got them than if I will like what they got me.

So I want to encourage you as you go through this season.  It's good to make your Christmas list and while you look for things for parents, family, friends and that special someone, look around for someone outside your ordinary box to bless. Remember that's the first true tradition of Christmas.

That's another Opinion of the Minion

Somebody Like Me

This morning I am sitting listening to a song called, "Somebody Like Me" by Jason Crabb.  This song is about a homeless man that walks into a church and no one sits next to him, no one ministers to him and when he leaves no one goes after him.  Yesterday a friend of mine and I were listening to this song as we drove to lunch.  He said something that was true but it didn't sit right with me regardless.  He said that he had never seen this happen at his church and that people would have reached out to this guy if they were at his church.  I agree and that would probably happen at my church as well.  The problem is we get all emotional at church and then what happens when we walk out the door?  If we are Christians, what does Christ look like to the rest of the world?  Will Christ stop to help someone?  Will Christ give to someone in need or will Christ make some excuse about why he can't help.  Understand this - The only Christ that some people will ever see is you and me.

Let me tell you about a couple of places where I faced this situation.  One was in the church lobby a few weeks ago.  There is a lady at my church who I have sort of known all my life.  I have been to basically three churches in my life and her family has been at the same three.  The funny thing is we don't know them all that well.  This particular lady has such a sweet spirit.  She loves God and you can just tell.  On this particular morning, she was a Christian and I wasn't.  The interesting thing is that this particular lady has some type of mental disability and while older than me, she acts much younger.

As she walked toward me that Sunday, I didn't want to talk to her.  I buried my head in my phone pretending to be doing something but really I was just hoping that she would pass me by so I wouldn't have to talk to her.  All she wanted was to talk to someone and have them talk back to her with some amount of interest in what she was saying.  I however was too caught up in myself to be Christ.  As someone walked up and diverted her attention, I quickly got up and walked off.  Oh how easy it is to write this blog and have people from all over the world read it but when it came to actually being a member of the body of Christ I failed that morning.  When the reality of that set in, I was ashamed of myself because I know I am better than that.  Have you ever experienced a situation like that?  If so, you know how it feels to have an opportunity to do something for someone else and miss it.  My Father still loves me but He certainly couldn't have been happy with me that morning.  I know I wasn't.

But the Lord had a special way of telling me and showing me how much He loves me.  I don't speak with this person very often but the next morning as I was rounding the corner, here she came again.  This time was different.  I was excited.  I got an opportunity to talk to her and really more let her talk to me and I took it with gusto.  It didn't last very long but I know she enjoyed talking to me and I really enjoyed talking to her.  This particular Sunday, that somebody was me.  It felt great.

Now let's get outside the church walls.  What does Christ look like at Starbucks on Wednesday morning?  Please do not take the rest of this story as bragging because it isn't.  I constantly deal with the feeling that I don't do enough for other people.  It seems like no matter how many people I help, I never feel like I do much and certainly not enough.  Anyway, as I was sitting in Starbucks working this morning, and a man walked up to me who looked dirty.  He handed me a laminated piece of paper that said he was mute and looking for money for food for his family.  He showed me tatoos on his arms with the names of his parents and the dates of their deaths.  I really didn't want to deal with him because I was enjoying what I was doing.  Before he got to me, he stopped at another table to ask for help and they turned him down.  But here's the difference.  This time I purposed in my heart to be someone God could use.  I decided that God could count on me to show this man Christ.  I wasn't going to be relegated to the side lines this time.  I was going to get in the game.  He was going to see Christ give.  I am thankful that Christ gave me the ability to bless him.

Please don't take this wrong.  I, above all people, know that I'm nothing special.  But I do know that I serve One who is beyond special.  As we get closer to Thanksgiving, I want to challenge you to look around you.  If you are a Christian, what does Christ look like to the people who are around you?  Are you helping?  When was the last time you helped someone who could do nothing for you in return?  When was the last time someone saw Christ in you?  In my own life, people don't see Christ enough.

That's the Opinion of the Minion

Impact

Today I want to talk to you about something important - impact.  Impact what you ask?  Not what but who.  Who's life do you impact?  Some people you know, some you would know if you thought about it and some you may never know this side of heaven but you do impact people's lives.  The question is how do you impact them?

We have all had situations where we did something we regret and it might have impacted someone in a very negative way.  While that is certainly unfortunate and we should all strive to avoid hurting people, I want to discuss how we impact people in a good way.

The first group of people we impact are people we impact their lives and we know it.  I recently found out that a friend of mine was having a really bad day.  I was able to do something for her that really cheered her up.  It was really cool because I knew she was hurting and I got to help brighten her day.  I also got to brighten two of her friends day at the same time.  It was a really fun thing to do.  So let me ask you, when was the last time you did something nice for someone?  When did you do something for someone just because you wanted to do a nice thing without hope of any type of payment?  Can you think of exactly what you did and when?  If it was longer than a week ago, you are long over due to help someone.  I apologize right now if this sounds like bragging.  If you know my heart, you know I don't ever want to brag on myself.  However, it is fun to be the person God uses to bless someone.  I had one day last week where I was able to bless several people on the same day.  It was really neat.  I even had the opportunity to do something nice for someone today.  That came with a huge payoff though.  The smile on that person's face made the whole thing worth while.

The next group of people are ones that you can impact in a positive way if you will just look around and pay attention.  I struggle with this group sometimes because I don't pay as much attention to others as I should.  Now everything you do for someone doesn't have to be a big thing.  Maybe its something small like seeing someone walking out of Starbucks with their hands full and opening the door for them.  I did that today.  Was it a big deal?  No.  Was it something nice for someone I didn't know?  Sure.

See, we all know what our friends and family need.  In many cases, because we are so close to that group, that we are intimately aware of what they need.  When we get a chance to help, we should.  But what about other people around us?  What about the guy in the wheel chair struggling up a hill.  I recently watched a guy go up a hill near my apartment.  I should have helped him but I didn't.  Look around you, there are people everywhere that need help, we just have to open our eyes and watch.

There is another group that we should pay close attention.  Unfortunately, we will never know who this group is.  Well, how can we pay attention to them if we don't know who they are?  We can pay attention to how we treat people in general and the example we set.  Whether you know it or not, people are watching you every day to see what kind of person you are.  Do you help people or do you hurt people.  Let me ask a question.  If you were the only Jesus someone ever saw, what would they think of Him?  That's a pretty sobering question and if you take it the wrong way, you can wind up in condemnation.  I don't want you to go there.  What if someone looked at the way you acted and said, "That person is just a great person.  If that is what Jesus is all about, count me in?"  That would be pretty cool huh.

Well, sometimes we can say a word of encouragement to someone and we will never know that they were encouraged.  Not too long ago, I was talking to a close friend of mine who happens to be my banker.  We were talking and he was telling me about a mutual friend of ours who now lives in Houston and is doing quite well.  Apparently several years ago, I was sharing with our friend about tithing and how it changed my life.  I learned that the true way to increase was to give.  That doesn't make sense right?  But it works.  Anyway I don't even remember talking about this with our friend but apparently he was inspired by what I told him and started tithing himself.  Now he is very successful and he told my banker friend that he remembered our conversation from several years ago even to this day. If I remember right, that pushed him over the top in the right direction.

So let me leave you with this.  You impact people around you all the time everyday.  It's up to you what you do with that opportunity.  You have the ability to do something nice for someone that will bless them and encourage them.

In this life, making a million dollars isn't important, making a difference is.

That's the Opinion of the Minion